I wasn't sure about how the youngest ones would respond after not seeing me in a while, especially due to their timid nature, but even Fania and Micayelle approached me with big smiles and affection.
I followed the families into church where we filed into a pew bench one by one and soon after, Fania wiggled her way back down the row to sit on my lap. It wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep, and there she remained curled up in my lap until the last 'Amen'. Several times I looked down at her to check if she had been startled by random noises or movements on the bench, but despite frequent feedback in the sound system, or her older sisters shuffling by us to go to kids church, her little eyes remained closed and her angelic face stayed in perfect peace.
I thought to myself how much I wished I could have this kind of trust, this kind of peace and rest like little Fania. Because yesterday and today and tomorrow I awaken to a new day. A day of decisions to be made and lessons to be planned and phone calls to answer and appointments to attend. Before my feet hit the floor, my mind visualizes a scale of possibilities and impossibilities, wondering which one will win out. I think now more than ever in this new school year start, I can easily get tricked into busyness equalling my worth. It's a vicious cycle of needing to do more and be more in order to make something of myself. But before I even realize it, I'm spun out and unraveled.
Sunday taught me a lesson with the simple act of Fania sleeping in my lap. The decision to simply rest, rather than chase an idea of control or perfection that I could never fully be satisfied with. Just as this precious little doll let down her guard and rested so peacefully, I want to do the same. I want to stop and let go of the things that prevent me from finding comfort in the arms of Jesus.
Tomorrow morning kicks our school routine off for the year. The dusty desks have been pulled from their corners and wiped down for a whole new batch of boys. I am eager and ready to begin with them, and excited to fill these months to the brim with growth and fun. And yet the picture of Fania's peaceful sleep also reminds me to stay rooted in my Comforter, taking time to get away, to breathe, and to find rest in my Father's arms. That whatever may come, I may be fully surrendered and trusting of Him to carry me through.
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. ~ Isaiah 26:3-4