Shaken.

I don't know where to begin.

Was it just a bad dream?

Shock. Fear. Helplessness. Panic. Confusion. Desperation. Exhaustion. Grief. Chaos. Instability as the ground shakes under our feet.

These are some of the thoughts and emotions that we at the Mission of Hope have been experiencing since the earthquake hit late Tuesday afternoon.

The lasting effects of the devastation are only beginning to be revealed. Homes that have crumbled. Lives that have been lost. Families that have been broken. This country has been shaken. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Yesterday my mom sent me a verse from Psalm 46. The words written by David have become so vivid in my mind as I read about how the mountains quake and nations being in uproar.

Somehow I have to be still and believe that our loving God allowed this to happen and He is in control and working things together for good even now.

Since the earthquake my sole responsibility has been to watch over the van der Mark and Rumford children. It's pushed me beyond what I thought I could handle as the aftershocks linger. As soon as the quivering begins, many of my kids relive the experience of the first severe shake. I have been tangibly aware of the Lord's peace in my heart as I have had the ability to speak calmly and comfort them, even though deep down the only thing I want to do is crawl into a corner and cry.

It's also been a struggle for me to stay up at the guesthouse while so much is happening down the mission hill. Even though my body is up here, playing board games and hauling mattresses for the kids to sleep on, my heart is out in the villages. I can't stop thinking about the children, the families, my Haitian friends who I know are safe, but I haven't been able to see them yet. I am trying my best to be strong and know that this is where the Lord has placed me for such a time as this - That I am here for a reason and the parents of these kids are depending on me so that they can do the work that they are trained to do.

This morning during our devotional time we went around the circle and shared what we can be thankful for even despite the damage that has taken place around us. The kids eagerly shared about their thankfulness that our homes are still standing, that our families and Hope House children are safe, and that we have clean water and food to eat. After during our prayer time I was reminded that we are abundantly blessed. We are safe. Our needs are being met while most of the country has lost everything. The Lord has protected us and is now enabling us to go out to bring hope to this broken land. May He receive all of the glory.

Thank you all for your continual prayers. I will update you more fully in the coming days.