Friday, October 16, 2009

When the going gets tough.

Sometimes I have to stand alone. Sometimes I feel helpless. Sometimes all that there is left to do is cry.
And it's hard....
So often I try to be the superhero. Reach the summit. Seize and achieve. Git 'er dun.
But no sooner do I think that I've got things in check does reality hit hard.
Humanness = Weakness. Imperfection. Weariness. Struggle. Incompletion.
Sometimes I wish I could move beyond my limitations to reach something higher or greater. If I could only rise above, then I could really prove that I'm competent. If only my true efforts and value would be revealed.
But hold up.
What if we were never intended to reach it? What if all of our striving is in vain? What if I don't have to be everything? What if I don't have to do it on my own? What if it's okay to cry?
Maybe there is something to be learned about helplessness... That it's better to wake up and reach for a bible instead of a laptop. That it's better to dwell on the promises of the Lord than the list of to do's. He likes it when we lean.
The words of a familiar song echoed in my heart last night from a distant peace.

I lay myself at Your feet,
Asking You won't You meet,
Won't You meet me?
I cannot do it on my own,
I cannot do it all alone.
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide,
Won't You come inside?
Won't You come inside, God?
Come and fill this heart of mine.
I'm in need of You.
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love.
I need You,
I need You.

Those words - I cannot do it on my own - that's what was ringing through my mind over and over again.
I cannot do it on my own. Thank the Lord I don't have to.
In this place of confusion and brokenness I often find myself in, there is only One thing left.
One hope remains. And it's more than enough.
The knowledge that this is not all there is. There is something greater. There is a purpose. Rest and strength can be found in the hollow of His hand. And in that place of stillness I am reminded that I was never supposed to carry this burden alone. That the work ahead of me was never meant to be done apart from the One who designed it. And that it's going to be okay. Through the storm He is here, and He's not going anywhere.

Colossians 3:23 came to mind this week as I sat surrounded by my students, all engrossed in their schoolwork - Work with all of your heart for the Lord. The verse doesn't say work with your high IQ, or your Masters degree, or your body-building muscles (thank goodness), it says, work with all of your HEART. Just as I emphasize to my kids to give their best, so it is with me as I tread along in this foreign land. Thank goodness that my work doesn't have to be flawless. The Lord knows my weaknesses and all He asks is that I give it my best, with all of my heart. It seems simple, but often it takes me a while to lay back and rest in that.
And so here I go again... Tumbling after truth. May I strive not towards perfection, but towards peace in the place where the Lord has brought me, and may I continue to work to bring Him the glory. My heart has high hopes of what He can do.

4 comments:

Melonie said...

Diana,
Thank you very much for that. I needed to hear that so much today. I hope you know how much these mean to all of us who read them. -Mel-

Opa said...

Thank for sharing your heart honestly. It couldn't have bin sad any better. Oma and I are still with you. Blessings.

Renee said...

love your honest reflections, we are all on this journey. Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Hi Diana: Thank you for your notes to us this week. They are very encouraging and so true. Know that we are praying for you.LOL Dorothy