Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Beginning again.

This morning was rough.
Actually, the start of this whole week has been rough as I've tried to emotionally prepare myself for today's goodbye. The month of Canadian teams is over and I don't really know where to pick up from. 

I think the weirdest part is that I never thought it would be this hard. I knew saying goodbye to Broc wouldn't be easy, but I never thought I would feel such a loss to see the bus drive away. I've think the reason it's been so difficult for me is because it's the first time I've really been able to tangibly connect Haiti with home. It's the two parts of my heart, and for the first time, they have been joined together, making it a pretty sweet combination. But now a piece is missing, and it hurts a lot.
When I arrived in Haiti back in September, I had to start from scratch because I had no family connection. I had to establish this life all on my own and it was hard at first, but it was starting to become like a home. Then I went back to my other 'home' for Christmas and since the day I returned back to Haiti, I've been surrounded by Canadians and friends of family, or people that actually have heard of Wainfleet (that's a pretty big deal over here!), and it's brought such a sense of love and family. Especially when Broc came, these two weeks have been so full of joy. It took me a few days to adjust to him actually being here and it not just being a dream, but since then it clicked, and now I don't really know how to go back to how things were. It's lonely here without the team, and this month has really made me aware of how much I miss you all.

But I have to begin again right? I can't dwell in this state of loss and sadness. I have to move on, I have to pick myself up and count the blessings that I do have. It's not going to be easy, but I'm trusting the Lord to bring along fresh joys in this new chapter.
Reading in the Psalms this week, I was encouraged by the verse in chapter 142, which says 'I pour out my problems to Him, I tell him all my troubles. When I am afraid, You Lord, know the way out'. 
I'm feeling pretty afraid right now. My problems are all around and I don't really know where to start, but this verse promises that I can have the courage to press on because my Jesus knows the way out. Even though I can't see what's ahead I believe He has not abandoned me. 

49 Canadians just left Haiti, but Jesus didn't. He's still here. I find hope in that.


Renee Kievit said...

Remember the faithfulness of the Lord. He will be all you need. I am praying for you and I hope you can take some time to try and rest, pray and sing.

Twila said...

Yes Diana- I like Renee's advice- the JOY of the Lord will be your strength!!! Take courage Honey- I am hearing stories from Broc on how you are serving and giving so wonderfully - bringing Hope to Haiti!!!

Sarah said...

it'll be okay, i promise.
it'll be rough at first, but the work that you are doing down there is incredible.
keep blessing those kids, Diana! you're doing an incredible job!

Opa said...

Amen to the comments above and my prayers are also with you Diana Blessings from Opa.

Renee Kievit said...

Diana, your Opa has challenged me. He thinks that he will now be the first to comment on your blog and I said that the race was on. So...if you want to send me an e-mail letting me know when your next blog will come out, then I can beat him for sure!!! Alright that is probably cheating but he's quite determined and I don't want to be beat :)

We prayed for you last night at small group and at home too. love ya girl