Have you ever been to a service where it feels like the speaker is talking directly to you? Somehow everything they say is so true to what you are going through and you wonder how on earth they can know where you are at without knowing who you are. Well, that's been me over these past few weeks. It hasn't mattered where I find myself, but it seems like every time the words hit me dead on. From the altar call at the Starfield concert, to listening to words from a new cd while driving into town. Everywhere I go, I feel like these outside voices are connecting with my heart... And even a seemingly insignificant activity of going to watch the latest Narnia movie (Prince Caspian), I left with the words from Aslan the lion (who symbolizes God) resonating in my mind. Reminders of love, acceptance, freedom and hope... All things that I have been hungry for this month.
Since I finished my last day at school three weeks ago, I've been thankful for the chance to reflect and prepare for this new life step. However, during this time, I've really began to understand the magnitude of the commitment to Haiti I agreed to earlier in the year. Those of you who know me well, know that I am a very structured person. I like to be organized, in control, and have a plan for what is coming up. Indeed this is a good trait to have when it comes to school and work, however, it often poses as a weakness to the rest of my life because it causes me to miss out on spontaneous opportunities that the Lord brings across my path. It also causes a lot of worry and stress when things in my life aren't perfectly laid out to how I think they should be.
My future year in Haiti is an example of this. I do not really know what to expect... At all. I have committed to teach 3 children, but that's about the extent of what I can plan for. I have never experienced the climate, the food, the people, the lifestyle, the language... I'm afraid because I'm assuming the worst... What if I get sick? What if I miss my family too much? What if I can't pick up the language? What if I'm a bad teacher? What if I can't do it? What if... I fail?
These are all very real fears I have, and despite the truth that I was called to Haiti by the Lord, I have to admit that I have doubts and thoughts that this really isn't what I should be doing. After all, I've never been away from home for more than 2 weeks, I haven't taught professionally for more than 7 weeks, and I'm just not the adventurous type... I'm definitely not cut out for this... It must be a mistake.
It's the lies that I start to believe about my weakness and my insufficiencies, which make me forget that the mighty power of the Lord can help me overcome them with the truth that His grace is enough. I've experienced how He has helped me in the past, and I need to cling to that once again.
This brings me back to the messages that the Lord has been speaking to my soul in unexpected ways... Over and over again He is whispering His promises of strength in my weakness and the call to more than just living... A call to LIFE. Yes, there is a life for me here in Wainfleet, but there is a world out there with so much more. There is a plan for me beyond my little Niagara bubble, and I can feel it in my heart... I need to break out. I need to go beyond what I know... And it's there where I will truly find life as God intended. Living in His grace and love.
I've also been reminded this month about the need to make Him NUMBER ONE in my life. It's so easy to get distracted, and let myself latch onto the things of this world. Especially people. I have been blessed with some amazing friendships, but they fade so dim when compared with the relationship I have with my Savior, my King, my Father. It's when I let the things of this world become my foundation, that I lose my footing and fall. But, when I put my feet on the solid Rock of the Lord, even though the things around me fall and crumble, I will stand strong.
As you can imagine, this isn't a one-time battle, it's a process. The lies keep coming, and I have to hold tightly to the only One who remains. The only One who can hold me up. It's not too late for me to stand.
What peace I find in knowing Him, in claiming His promises and trusting in the only Source of stability in an unstable world. This gives me freedom to break out of the lies and into LIFE as He intended.