If I Settle on the Far Side of the Sea...

Written Wednesday, October 15, 2008 - 7:30 pm

It’s been a rough, tiring past couple of days... I’ve been going non-stop teaching, painting my apartment and watching the van der Mark children in the afternoons - as Laurens and Cheryl have been moving into their home and taking a exploratory trip to another mission on the north part of the island.

And on top of it all, I haven’t had internet. For some reason my connection has been lost for the past few days, and so I have had no contact with anyone from home. Tonight it’s all kind of caught up with me, so even though I am unable to post a blog tonight, I am need to get my thoughts down (I will post the blog for you to read as soon as my connection returns).

After supper tonight, I was feeling very discouraged and lonely, so I read some verses in my bible and began to look at the many cards I was given from family and friends. Reading all of the loving messages and encouraging words first brought tears, but then filled me with a sense of peace and purpose. Even though these past days have been testing on my patience and hope, I still have a lingering comfort in my heart.

One of the verses that really jumped out at me from the cards was from Psalm 139 - If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

How I long tonight to be home - I think I would do just about anything to sit at the kitchen table with my family, or take a long drive through the countryside with friends... But the Lord has placed me here - Just as the verse states: He has ‘settled’ me on the far side of the sea (the Caribbean sea to be exact). Although I am faraway from home, I am not alone. I am held fast by the right hand of God. 

Over the past five weeks I have undergone a huge life change. Change in country, language, climate, job, living space, people.... I’ve had to adapt to new responsibilities and customs and expectations... I’ve also been trying balance all this change with my ‘old’ life by keeping in touch and somehow helping you all understand this new life I am in.
And yet through all of this, the Lord has remained true and faithful - guiding me and revealing His character in surprising ways. He has been right beside me. My best friend, my comforter, my shepherd. Just as I wrote about the mountain and the valley, I can testify that tonight, He is with me here in the valley. It’s dark and scary and lonely here, but He is with me. I am confident in His power to carry me through - and when He does, I’ll have the chance to look back and once again, be amazed by His faithfulness.

My Thankful List:

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I hope you are all enjoying the holiday weekend and are celebrating this season with your families. As I've mentioned before, it's not easy being home at this special time... I miss seeing the changing colours of the leaves, and the smell of apple crisp baking in the oven, and being surrounded by a table of family faces for thanksgiving dinner. But once again, the Lord has provided in other ways and I truly feel blessed to be in this place. Even though thanksgiving isn't officially celebrated in Haiti, on Saturday night us Canadians (the van der Mark family, Rachel, and I), joined together for thanksgiving dinner consisting of pizza, vegetables, german crepes, ice cream and cinnamon twists. We all decided that just because we didn't have turkey and stuffing didn't mean we couldn't celebrate the holiday, so we each went through our fridges and brought together our most special items. And keeping tradition with all thanksgivings, we ate A LOT! :) I am thankful that I was able to share that special meal with my new 'family'!

This past week at school I also had my kids reflect and write about what they were thankful for. As I was reading their responses I began to think that I too need to make my own thankful list. So often we just take things for granted, and yet thanksgiving is a time for us to really reflect on all that we are blessed with. So here are some things I am thankful for this October:

- Warm sunshine and tropical trees

- The view of the Caribbean sea from my front door

- Fresh fruit and vegetables

- Yolty's lunches

- The beach

- New friends

- My very own apartment

- Cool showers

- My macbook

- Skype video chats

- Facebook pictures

- ATV's

- My mosquito net - Or as Darcie likes to say - Canopy of dreams!

- Music

- My ipod dock

- After supper chats 

- E-mails from home

- Starbucks frappuccino's

- Wireless internet 

- Fans

- Antibacterial soap

- Bright new paint

- Raid Roach Killer

- Sticky traps

- Fantastik antibacterial spray

- Fresh, clean water

- My pillow

- Prayer support

- My bible

- Orphan smiles

........ I think I could go on and on...... 

I am so blessed! I am thankful for life here in this place. For the health and strength to wake up each morning and embrace the day. For the joy of serving and being in fellowship with brothers and sisters not just in Haiti, but all over the world. And most of all, for the freedom I have through the price that Jesus paid on the cross - which enables me to have hope for each circumstance, knowing that His promise of goodness and love endures forever.

Celebrations!

I’m excited to give you an update about my week in Haiti!

On Wednesday, it was my birthday, and I had planned to have a special morning at school with my kids and then to go down to the Hope House in the afternoon. However, these plans all changed when Rachel knocked on my door shortly after I woke up and told me that I had one hour to get ready before we were heading out on the town! Shocked, I asked “But what about school!?!”, and she smiled and told me that she had already discussed it with the van der Mark’s, and I had the day off.

So, still unknowing where we were going, I jumped in a truck with Rachel and Patris, and we began to head up the mountain. I was amazed at the breathtaking view of the villages and homes below... Even though the pictures don’t do justice, I’ve included some for you to take a peek at.

When we arrived at our destination, I found out that we were at the Baptist Mission. This Christian mission is similar to the Mission of Hope, except it has been around for a lot longer, so they have many ‘attractions’ including a zoo, museum and gift shop. We spent the morning exploring through the mission and taking pictures, and then sat down to a delicious meal of pizza and ice cream.... Ahhhh, what a wonderful taste of home! :)

On the way home, Rachel and I also seized the opportunity to stop by the grocery store, so that was an added bonus!

That evening after supper, the van der Marks and Rachel had yet another surprise waiting for me... A birthday cake! :) It was very special to share it with them. Looking back on the day, I am just amazed how the Lord abundantly blessed me. Even though it wasn’t easy to be far away from those I love, I am so thankful to have been able to experience my birthday in a different place, and for all of the special memories I made... It will definitely be a birthday I will never forget!

Another celebration I was fortunate to be a part of took place last night. The Cabaret children who have been staying at the mission since the hurricane are returning to their orphanage today. So last night as a special celebration, Rachel had organized a party for all the kids, complete with singing, skits, dancing, games and best of all, CAKE! The party actually came together last-minute, so right around supper time Rachel called me and asked if I would be willing to help her finish the cakes. So before the party as Rachel ran errands, I stayed in her kitchen and made 4 batches of icing and decorated the desserts. It was such an fun job for me, knowing that it would be such a treat that all 150+ kids would get to enjoy. 

When I went down to the church (where the party took place), I was thrilled to see so many excited children laughing and singing. It was such a joyful evening, but it was still difficult to say goodbye to all of the beautiful Cabaret children. Fortunately they aren’t going too faraway, so I will be able to go and visit them on occasion, but last night as they all returned to the high school (where they have been staying) for bedtime, I went along and my heart broke. Most of the children were preparing their beds (a flat sheet on the floor), while others lined up by an old, dirty bucket to use the bathroom, and still other small children, too young to get ready themselves, remained outside sitting in the gravel and waiting for an adult to take them to bed. It all started to hit me, that the lifestyles of these children, so seemingly desperate, was normal. These children have probably never slept in a comfortable bed, worn clean pyjama's, taken a warm bath, or felt the comfort of a loving mother who tucks them in, like I and most North American children have experienced. As I held, smiled and kissed the little ones around me, I whispered a prayer in my heart for each one. During this special time, Lord spoke to me and reminded me, despite the pain I felt for these children, He is the same Father to them as He is to me. Even when their care seems inadequate and their futures are full of unknowns, He made each one, and created them with a specific purpose. Just as I feel His presence in my life, He loves each one of them and will be faithful to them through the calm and through the storm.

Sometimes I question pain and why bad things happen to people, especially the innocent children of Haiti, and yet I have realized that without pain, there would be no hope. I feel blessed knowing that in some small way I am able to play a part in offering these children hope, and as the little boy in my arms fell asleep, once again I felt a fullness in my heart that this is exactly where I need to be. 

Mountains

It's been the start of another busy week here in Haiti!

My teaching is going very well with the van der Mark children and we are almost ahead of our school schedule which is great! I have felt so encouraged by the way that I have been able to handle all of these new 'teacher' responsibilities and still have time available to be involved in the other activities around the mission.

Good news from last week - I managed to get groceries and fill my fridge with wonderful food to enjoy, as well as get some paint for my white walls. Right now we are experiencing some daytime power issues which will hopefully be resolved soon so that I can paint with fans and music - 2 very crucial things when it comes to hard work in Haiti! But I am really excited about the colors I chose: One thing to remember that on a Caribbean island, everything is BRIGHT! So to my delight, I chose a fresh coral color for my bathroom and a beautiful sunshine yellow for my bedroom. The main kitchen and living area will be a neutral sand color so that I can afford to keep my wild colored furniture without risking a clash! :)

Another highlight to my weekend was spending Sunday afternoon with my new friends, Rachel and Patris. Rachel is a fellow Canadian who grew up in Niagara Falls and is going on her third year here in Haiti working as the Hope House coordinator - and all of the other responsibilities that title entails! Over the past few weeks she has had her hands very full in overseeing the care of 100-plus orphans who are staying at the mission while their home is repaired from the hurricane damage, one top of all her other duties!

But with everything slowly coming back to routine, she came over for a while after church and we had a great time of catching up and sharing about our past few weeks in at the mission. Afterwards, we went along with Patris (a friend of Rachel's from Haiti) to Yolty's, a Haitian restaurant complete with dirt floor and stray dogs. Despite the sketchy atmosphere, we had some awesome Haitian food and I got to know them both a lot better.

I just want to thank you for your prayers in this area. I've shared with many of you that I was really trusting that the Lord would bring along some friends that I could lean on in Haiti. I was amazed how just that morning I had read from Psalms 27 and the words that stuck with me were - I truly believe that I will live to see the Lord's goodness. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and brave and wait for the Lord. 

I used these verses as I prayed on Sunday morning, specifically for good friends, and I was just in awe about how the Lord specifically answered my prayer. It just reminded me once again about all of the prayers that you have been lifting up for me over this past month, and I can truly testify the Lord's presence and goodness to me these days.

I can honestly say that without your prayers and the Lord's blessing, I would be drowning in a sea of fear, uncertainty and homesickness in Haiti. Yet I look at this place around me and I am filled with hope and courage to shine the light that I have been given. Even though I often have a heaviness in my heart, I feel compelled by the love of my Saviour to live each day to the fullest and spend it all. May it be all for His glory. Even in the hard times, even when my prayers don't seem to be answered (at least not in my timing), even when I don't understand, I know I can trust the One that has called me here, because I know I will live to see His goodness.

It is my hope that we would all be aware of His goodness in our lives, in the light and in darkness, and be reminded that His plan is always the best. All around me in this place there are majestic mountains and I look at them a lot. They are gigantic and glorious, but I just had a little epiphany - without the valley, there would be no mountain. If there was never pain, we would never truly know how beautiful joy and laughter is. And this is a promise I cling to most of all, that my God will never fail, He is with me just as much in the valley as He is on the mountain.

Ups and Downs...

Wow! It's hard to believe that we are already into October!

It seems kind of crazy to think that just a few weeks ago I was home and living such a different life than I am now... Even though time is flying by so fast here in Haiti, it just seems so surreal that it hasn't actually been that much time since I left. I guess it tells me that I am adjusting to life here, and the Lord has surely been with me through the good and the bad.

I had a bit of a frightening experience at church this past Sunday. During the worship time, I was standing while I sang and I was feeling fine. As time passed, my feet began to get tired and I sat down to give myself a rest. As soon as I sat down I felt sick to my stomach and although my stomach wasn't aching I knew that I needed to exit. I tried to sit quietly and let it pass for a few moments, and all of the sudden I began to see black spots invade my vision. I felt very dizzy and fortunately was able to take hold of Cheryl's arm who was standing beside me. When I told her what was happening she helped me exit and told me to keep my head down. She said that I needed to help my body get the blood to my brain or I would faint. A few feet away we had parked the ATV, so slowly we made our way to it, but I had to keep stopping because my vision got really bad. At one point all I could see was white, and then everything went black. I felt so dizzy and my body felt very heavy. I had to crouch down very low on the ground and steady myself. Fortunately, I had 'Dr. Cheryl' talking me through everything and she drove me back up the hill to my apartment where she got me a cool glass of water and helped me lay down. I spent the afternoon resting and drinking lots of water since it turned out that I was very dehydrated. Due to the full day in the sun at the beach on Saturday, I think the heat caught up with me. So that was my first 'sick' day in Haiti... Let's hope that it's one of few!

Over these weeks there have been other low points, like having a lack of power or water, and plenty of bugs irritating me from sun up to sun down. And of course with one of my favorite holidays coming up next weekend, I'm definitely not looking forward to missing out on the family feast and fellowship together.

It's important for me to be able to share these struggles with you so you know how to pray for me as I deal with daily disappointments and frustrations. However, as I've expressed in previous postings, I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I am truly loving my life here in Haiti. This afternoon, after spending the morning teaching my kids, I had over 100 children playing on the jungle gym outside my door. I had to check that I wasn't dreaming. It was truly a blessing to go out and play with them and spend the afternoon laughing and talking and loving on those beautiful orphan children.

The times that I have experienced with the children of Haiti, and other moments - like watching the Haitian sun set over the mountains, or reflect on what the Lord has been doing in my heart these days far outweigh the low points. I wake up in the morning, and I can hardly wait to start my day, because even though I can expect to be let down by the temporary discomforts, I can also be assured of being filled with joy and peace and love and life. It's these moments of reflection when I know beyond a doubt that this is what I was made for. Thank you Jesus for bringing me to this place. A place where I can make such a tangible difference and be filled until I overflow.

Thank you all for your continual prayer. I know without a doubt that it has played a main part in my smooth transition to this new life, and I am so grateful.

Oh, and one more upside to look forward... Tomorrow is grocery day! After being here for over three weeks, it's about time we got our OWN food... So it will be nice after tomorrow to open my fridge and actually have food to snack on! That's another thing that I'm learning in Haiti - it's all about the small things! :)