Psalm 23

I love to read. Especially over these last few years I have really connected with a few Christian authors that challenge my 'religious' opinions and remind me of how shallow my thinking can be. And yet I've noticed recently how easy it is for me to put these biblical scholars on a pedestal and hang onto their every word. However, I was reminded by a very wise friend that despite the wonderful Christian literature out there, nothing can ever compare to God's word, the Bible. Again, I remember that the bible is the actual LIVING word of God... Something that is moving, active and real, and when compared with the latest top selling Christian author, they fall short every time. After all, the bible has been BREATHED by God. He ordained it, so no matter who reads it, when they read it or where they read it, it is still completely relevant and meaningful. That's why I love it so much. There is always something beyond the surface, something more to be learned. You just can never get enough! With this thought in mind, I have really strived to put the bible at the top of my reading list. And I have also become more enthralled with additional books that are scripturally-based. I connect with authors who back up their challenges on words straight from the bible, as well as those who break apart the scriptures word by word, and shed light on the context and deeper meanings.
Which brings me to the purpose of tonight's blog... Just recently I heard a verse from the 23rd Psalm that resonated deeply in my heart based on some insecurities I was facing. It left me with a hunger to tap into the deeper meanings of the passage. Not long after that did the Lord lead me to the book, 'Traveling Light' by Max Lucado, which breaks apart the 23rd Psalm into promises surrounding the burdens we carry through life. Could it be more perfect!? Each chapter centers around a different piece of luggage we pick up as we travel on this earth, and Max uses Psalm 23 to remind us of the hope we have in the Lord. After reading each chapter, I took time to write down my own translation of the verse and what the Lord was saying to me through each promise.
Now that the book is finished and my chapter is complete, I would like to share my translation of Psalm 23 with you. Feel free to get out your bible and read along verse by verse with me...

PSALM 23

Yahweh is the great I AM. Unchanging. Uncaused. Ungoverned.
I am defenseless and dirty, in need of grace, protection and love.
What I have in my Father is greater than what I do not have in my life.
He leads me and invites me to rest in His finished work.
He isn't behind me yelling "Go!", He is ahead of me bidding "Come", and He tells what I need to know, and gives what I need to have when the time comes.
In times of trouble, He doesn't give me hope by changing the problem, He restores my hope by giving me Himself.
He leads me up the narrow path of righteousness, where a steep winding hill leads to the cross and at the bottom I leave all of my sin and guilt.
He leads and blesses me in abundance not for my own recognition, but for His glory.
I am His, and follow Him to the top of the mountain by way of the valley. Even then, I never walk alone.
Because He is good, I keep my eyes fixed on Him, and I am given all of the strength and endurance that I need.
In the times when I am lost and lonely, it is then that He reminds me that He is near and He loves me with a perfect love. Love that can only come from Him.
He prepares breakfast for me and when I drink from His cup of forgiveness, my sin and shame are washed away.
He heals me of every disappointment.
He gives me more grace and hope than I could ever ask for or deserve.
His goodness and mercy pursue me every day.
And this world is not my 'forever' home. The best is yet to come.

Wow. How awesome is that!?
You can bet that I will be returning to this blog in the weeks and months ahead when I start picking up my burdens of loneliness, homesickness and worry, and I encourage you to do the same. It's the promises of my Jesus that keep me holding onto hope!

Caught in the Middle

Here I go again! :)
It's been another wild past couple of weeks... The Lord has blessed me with a great job this summer working at my dad's car business! Even though it's not technically in my career field, I've really enjoyed working with my parents and brother so far this summer... Picking up vehicles, running into town for parts, licensing, cleaning cars and weekly trips to the auction keep me stepping, but has also allowed for me to get some sweet hours (yes, they are very good to me! wink wink!) AND it's given me more time to spend with my family. I love it! But combining that with tutoring in the evenings, and planning for my move in September has made me quite busy!
Looking ahead to my last few months in Ontario, my mind also continues to be filled with thoughts about what is to come and what needs to be done in order for me to get there.
These days I feel like I'm caught in between two very different mindsets... Holding on and letting go...
I'm holding on to what I have and what I know. My family, my friends, my home, my car, my jobs, my life... It's all here. It's all I really need. And I love it.... Maybe a little too much. I've been looking ahead to the goodbye in a few months and I don't even know where to begin... It seems impossible. As a familiar song goes- How do you say goodbye to everything you've ever known? How do you let go of all that you've ever had?- I am so attached to this place because it's become a part of me... it's all I have ever known. It's who I am.
But at the same time, there is a new page turning... A fresh beginning, full of unknowns, full of firsts, full of new challenge, full of new joy. And I know it's time. I feel so compelled to go... To be what I have aspired to be for so long... And to turn my faith into action. After all, the boat wasn't made for the harbor. It's time that I go beyond what I think I am capable of, or what's 'safe' and allow the Lord to take me where I have never been before. It's time.
And yet it seems like every time I lean more towards one side, the other side is pulling me back. For instance, last night at youth we had the last TNL of the season. It was full of laughs and good talks and love and I left feeling a sense of loss because in my mind I know that it's the last TNL that I'll be at for a very long time. The youth, the worship, the crazy games, everything... I just have such a sense of belonging in that place, and to think it's the last time... It's hard to get my mind around.
But all of this to say that I get home from youth, and there is a message in my inbox from the van der Marks, telling me all the latest details about sending the crate to the mission, and plans about bringing my stuff to them, and my stomach flip flops... In a good way. There is so much excitement and joy in these days ahead. It's so awesome because the Lord is totally orchestrating everything and confirming this in my heart. I know without a doubt it's where He wants me and there is such joy in that. Knowing it's His will makes me confident to say that there is nothing else I'd rather be doing than be going to Haiti. It's where He has called me... It's the sweet spot!
So, it's a weird kind of balancing act going on in my heart to say the least... I appreciate your prayers in this!
But as I've been writing tonight, I have also been reminded about the few things I don't have to leave behind. First of all, I have my memories... Beautiful blessed memories! I organized a lot of photo albums on my computer a few days ago that I plan to take along with me when I leave, and I feel so thankful for the wonderful years I have had in Wainfleet. No matter what lies ahead, I will always have these wonderful memories to cherish and hold onto. And the Lord has promised more blessings ahead as I follow Him, so I know there are more memories to come! The second thing I am happy I won't have to leave behind is the sky. I know it sounds a little funny, but that is a big deal for me. You see, I have quite a love for the sky... There is just something about the way that the sunlight reflects off of the clouds on a summer day, or the way the colors blend to darkness in a sunset, or the way the sun dispels light into the world at dawn... I can't get enough of it! It's something about the sky that reminds me of my Creator... The Maker of the universe paints a picture for us, His children, every day and not one is the same. It's amazing! There is such beauty, glory, majesty and power that is reflected in the sky, and I connect with it... I look forward to seeing the sunset over the Carribean Sea in Haiti, which I have been told is quite breathtaking! You will be sure to see lots of pictures! ;)
Finally, I have hope knowing that my Jesus is always going to be right here beside me. No matter where I go or what I do or who I become, He promises to never leave or forsake me and that is such a comfort when every other security I know is being broken off. Even though everything else may change, I have peace knowing that the One who knows me, loves me, protects me, and guides me is with me every step. Every high and every low. He is faithful. He is unchanging. And He's got me.
I thank you for journeying through these days with me, even though I haven't 'officially' made my blog public! :) I know these are valuable lessons that I am processing and I want to remember them in the days to come. After all, this is only the beginning...

It's a process!

Have you ever been to a service where it feels like the speaker is talking directly to you? Somehow everything they say is so true to what you are going through and you wonder how on earth they can know where you are at without knowing who you are. Well, that's been me over these past few weeks. It hasn't mattered where I find myself, but it seems like every time the words hit me dead on. From the altar call at the Starfield concert, to listening to words from a new cd while driving into town. Everywhere I go, I feel like these outside voices are connecting with my heart... And even a seemingly insignificant activity of going to watch the latest Narnia movie (Prince Caspian), I left with the words from Aslan the lion (who symbolizes God) resonating in my mind. Reminders of love, acceptance, freedom and hope... All things that I have been hungry for this month.

Since I finished my last day at school three weeks ago, I've been thankful for the chance to reflect and prepare for this new life step. However, during this time, I've really began to understand the magnitude of the commitment to Haiti I agreed to earlier in the year. Those of you who know me well, know that I am a very structured person. I like to be organized, in control, and have a plan for what is coming up. Indeed this is a good trait to have when it comes to school and work, however, it often poses as a weakness to the rest of my life because it causes me to miss out on spontaneous opportunities that the Lord brings across my path. It also causes a lot of worry and stress when things in my life aren't perfectly laid out to how I think they should be.

My future year in Haiti is an example of this. I do not really know what to expect... At all. I have committed to teach 3 children, but that's about the extent of what I can plan for. I have never experienced the climate, the food, the people, the lifestyle, the language... I'm afraid because I'm assuming the worst... What if I get sick? What if I miss my family too much? What if I can't pick up the language? What if I'm a bad teacher? What if I can't do it? What if... I fail?
These are all very real fears I have, and despite the truth that I was called to Haiti by the Lord, I have to admit that I have doubts and thoughts that this really isn't what I should be doing. After all, I've never been away from home for more than 2 weeks, I haven't taught professionally for more than 7 weeks, and I'm just not the adventurous type... I'm definitely not cut out for this... It must be a mistake.

It's the lies that I start to believe about my weakness and my insufficiencies, which make me forget that the mighty power of the Lord can help me overcome them with the truth that His grace is enough. I've experienced how He has helped me in the past, and I need to cling to that once again.

This brings me back to the messages that the Lord has been speaking to my soul in unexpected ways... Over and over again He is whispering His promises of strength in my weakness and the call to more than just living... A call to LIFE. Yes, there is a life for me here in Wainfleet, but there is a world out there with so much more. There is a plan for me beyond my little Niagara bubble, and I can feel it in my heart... I need to break out. I need to go beyond what I know... And it's there where I will truly find life as God intended. Living in His grace and love.

I've also been reminded this month about the need to make Him NUMBER ONE in my life. It's so easy to get distracted, and let myself latch onto the things of this world. Especially people. I have been blessed with some amazing friendships, but they fade so dim when compared with the relationship I have with my Savior, my King, my Father. It's when I let the things of this world become my foundation, that I lose my footing and fall. But, when I put my feet on the solid Rock of the Lord, even though the things around me fall and crumble, I will stand strong.

As you can imagine, this isn't a one-time battle, it's a process. The lies keep coming, and I have to hold tightly to the only One who remains. The only One who can hold me up. It's not too late for me to stand.
What peace I find in knowing Him, in claiming His promises and trusting in the only Source of stability in an unstable world. This gives me freedom to break out of the lies and into LIFE as He intended.

So, I'm a blogger...

I have to be honest: I'm not a tech-y person. My dear friend Darcie started blogging months ago, and she's been encouraging me to start, but it's never happened... until now. If you are reading this blog, you probably already know about my plans to go to the Mission of Hope (you can get more details about this in the 'About Me' section), and by -attempting- to update this regularly, I hope to provide you with a link to my life in Haiti.
That being said, it is becoming apparent to me that the growth and challenge in a step like this will not begin when I step off the plane in Haiti, but began the moment I accepted this new opportunity. Already I have experienced the Lord speaking to me and revealing fresh truths as I prepare for this new adventure, and I want to be able to share them with you as they arise.
Before I go any farther tonight, I want to expand on the title I chose for my blog. As I was pondering different names, I was searching for something meaningful that would be kind of like a 'theme' to this new opportunity that has arisen in my life... The word that stuck out to me was HOPE.
Hope is a word that carries meaning for me in a few different contexts, which I will expand on:
First of all, Haiti has been identified as one of the most impoverished countries in the world... a country desperate for hope. Disease, violence, unemployment and death are a fact of life where families struggle not only for peace, but survival. The Mission of Hope was built to offer exactly that... hope. Hope for families, hope for a future, hope for peace, hope for life. Exciting expansions are taking place within the hospital and orphanage and I feel honored to be a part of it. At last I can use the immeasurable blessings that have been poured out on me, to overflow onto others who are so desperate.
The second reason I chose hope for my title was because of the peace I find in it as I venture away from this place of comfort. It is very easy for me to feel overwhelmed with fear and doubt as I look ahead to what the future holds. I know without question that this is the call the Lord has placed on my life, but I struggle to break away from the security I find here in Wainfleet. In these times of struggle, I have to focus on where I've been and the Lord's presence I have experienced in the past. He has carried me through so much already, and as I reflect on His faithfulness, I can be confident in the hope that He will never leave me. Despite the storms that will come, His unfailing promises of love will endure.
And above all, Jesus has given me so much hope by paying the ultimate price and sacrificing His life for mine, so that I may have freedom to live and be with Him forever someday. There is no greater peace or hope than that.
These thoughts about hope give me courage not just to accept what's ahead for me in this life, but to willingly EMBRACE it.
I want to thank you for journeying with me through this time. It is my prayer that the stories and thoughts that come out through my posts in the months ahead would be a testament to the faithfulness of the Lord. And also, that you would be encouraged and reminded of the everlasting love and grace we share together when we put our hope in Him.