embracing hope

Fam Jam February!

2012-01-31T06:52:00.001-05:00

With the flip of a calendar page, we embark on a new month!

But not just any month... A month of looooove. And what could be more appropriate than celebrating these red-letter days including...

- Rachel and Kenol getting married!!!

- Valentine extravaganza with my boys!

- Reunion with Cheri!

- Ground-breaking for the mountain family homes!

- A house full of besties!

- Dance party with the 3Cords ladies!

- And out trips like this >

>>>>

... all with some of my most loved people in the world.

So, let's get this party started, Cancrete Crew!

All you returning neighbours and roomies, MWEN PAKA TANN!

And Well BIC, you are the icing on my cake.

Can I squeal now!?

Recess.

2012-01-27T16:46:00.003-05:00

Around 10:15 every weekday morning, I give my boys a half hour break from the books.

After grabbing a snack from the fridge, I usually find them somewhere between playing Halo, jamming on their guitars, or hiding in the tree fort shooting BB guns.

When the time came this morning though, they knew exactly where they were headed. Caleb's new horse, Dixie, was waiting in the field, and they were all about showing off their skills...

And believe me, they're naturals!

Just another recess break in Haiti! :)

Mirrored.

2012-01-26T06:53:00.002-05:00

The past few mornings, my devotional readings have centered around practicing the presence of God. Spurring me towards an expectation for the Lord to reveal Himself in marvellous ways throughout my daily comings and goings, while also not restricting Him in how and when He will show up.

Last night I was thinking about the events of my day, and recounting evidence of the Lord's presence. Then it hit me, could it be that practicing the presence of God doesn't just mean that I am looking for Him, but that I can actually bring His presence into my moments? Rather than sitting around, watching and waiting for the Lord's divine appointments, could we be the catalyst in bringing others into an awareness of Him? In the simplest form, aren't we called to live like Christ in order to shine out His truth and love, radiating His presence?

Now the Lord is the Spirit;

and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

~ II Corinthians 3:17-18

If Paul's words mean what I think they do, then with Christ inside of us, we can freely shine as radiantly as He does. Harmonious with the Spirit. Stooping to the level of a servant. Pouring out love. Surprising others with joy.

It's another head-spinning truth, that the more we dwell on Jesus and live in His presence, the more we are able to overflow that into our days and be evidence of His glory to those around us.

Marinating in this challenge today.

Milestones!

2012-01-23T13:03:00.003-05:00

Every day is like a link in the chain. Growing, strengthening and transforming the daily projects and goals that lay before us. Usually, the days fly by and I don't realize the progress until I turn around and see how far we've come.

But today, two very tangible and exciting milestones were hit within about an hour, and there is no way I'm keeping it to myself!

First off, 3cords just launched our very own website where you can browse and order the gorgeous handmade products we make in Haiti, crafted by our equally as gorgeous lady friends. Please join me in the hype by visiting www.3cordshaiti.com and scroll through all the different sections and stories... don't forget to pick up some goodies in your cart while you're at it! :)

In other news, all 5 of the mountain children are officially sponsored for their school year! Thank you to each and every one of you (you know who you are!) who have sacrificed to make a lasting difference in the lives of these sweet children. Every time I see them in their plaid uniforms, my heart swells with joy.

I hope that these milestones put a spring in your step as they did mine!

Stay tuned for more soon...

Sounds.

2012-01-19T12:34:00.000-05:00

I've got one best books I've ever read sitting on my coffee table, and I'm not even done it yet. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp has shaken and stirred me in new and inspiring ways.

It's a book about finding joy in the ordinary. A challenge to awaken a thankful spirit in the even in the mundane, and breathe gratitude.

Her words have echoed through my days lately, and I've found myself counting and discovering some of the most beautiful gifts - as if I'm receiving them for the first time. Yesterday I paused as I filled up my water cup in the kitchen and began to listen to the sounds around me. Sounds that I am blessed to hear.

In the past 24 hours, here's what I came up with:

- Gurgling, cold water flowing out of my water dispenser

- The faint blaring of a clown car horn from a truck barreling down Route Nasyonal 1

- A rustling, cool breeze whispering through the tree leaves outside my window

- Harmonies of the Hope House children drifting up the hill from their breakfast prayer

- The electric buzz of my repaired ceiling fan

- Tip-tapping of fingers on the keyboard

- Jingle rings of a cell phone

- Roaring diesel engines

- The opening spritz of a Coke bottle

- Squeaky screen doors

- New playlists

- Familiar voices on the other side of my Skype screen

- The finger strums of guitar chords being learned

- The chirp of a lizard on the balcony

- Creole chatter

- Humming sewing machines at 3cords

- Flip flops clapping with the soles of my feet on the way to school

- Haitian radio static

- Pierre's laugh

Keep listening, my friends.

Fidèlite.

2012-01-14T14:13:00.001-05:00

I write a lot of drafts on this blog. My words spill out as fast as my fingers will take them, and then I look back to see that they were more for my own heart than anything else.

But every once and a while I take a walk down memory lane, and with a few tweaks, I can give my post another chance.

Today is one of those days.

The past few months have been a season of transition.

When fellow workers, tag teamers, faces around the dinner table, and next-door neighbours say goodbye. The photos of smiles around my apartment are evidence of the changing faces around the mission. People that the Lord called here for a season, and then called again to a different place. Each one who has left me challenged and changed.

But something about it feels weird that I'm not packing too... I never thought I'd be the one to stay.

This morning we sang a song in church that lifted me to my feet and caused my voice to crack as I sang the chorus line:

Se fidèlite'w ki fe'm la toujou.

I can't justify the Creole words, but it translates to something like this:

It's your faithfulness that keeps me in this place.

What perfectly fitting words to be sung.

Because more than any strength or will of my own, or any neighbour or roommate or role, the Lord is the only reason that I am here. In this place yesterday, today and tomorrow. It's His voice that continues to beckon me into the story He is writing.

Surely God is my help; The Lord is the one who sustains me.

~ Psalm 54:4

Jolly Jumper.

2012-01-07T10:38:00.004-05:00

The day before I boarded the plane, Betsy had the brilliant and generous idea to send me off with her boys' jolly jumper, in hopes that Pierre could make use of it.

I took it and promised to give it a go with him, although I didn't want to get my hopes too high. Pierre has surpassed a lot of milestones in the past few months, but the whole concept of him supporting himself upright and having the strength to move around made me nervous.

Each day, he is relayed from mommy lap, to wheelchair, and then back to his crib - How I longed for him to get some more muscle and independence. Maybe just maybe, this could be the next step.

This morning I headed down the hill, jolly jumper in hand, and found the baby house buzzing with action as usual. Pierre was taking a bottle in his crib while the other toddlers, kids and teens bobbled around. I took the plastic and metal pieces out of the bag and began to explain to the older girls how the jumper worked. They looked at me with wide eyes and were eager to try it. Not long after, I was attaching the chain above the doorframe and Pierre was being lifted out of his crib to try out his new toy. He was babbling and laughing the whole time we were strapping him in... and he hasn't stopped since.

Truly, Pierre puts the JOLLY in jolly jumper.

He spins around, he bends his head forward and back, he bounces, and he is LOVING it.

Thank you for your continual prayers for Pierre. Pray that his legs would continue to strengthen as he jolly jumps, and that the Lord would bless his little life more and more each day, just as he blesses ours!

Repeat the sounding joy.

2012-01-05T09:37:00.002-05:00

After 2 weeks of wooly scarves, city lights, comfort foods, creamy drinks, and cherished reunions with friends and family, I have landed back on the island.

Thank you one and all for welcoming me back to the North, reminding me again of how truly loved and supported I am, and for sending me off with prayers, hugs and bright eyes. It is overwhelming.

The unpacking of memories is just about done, and I sit again on this velvet couch. The gusty Caribbean air sways in my window curtains, a mouse scratches behind the fridge, sunlight streams in the front door, and my barefeet rest on the coffee table. It's good to marinate in this place.

My mind flashes back to Christmas eve.

I stood alongside the congregation of families and we repeated the lyrics of the classic carol, 'Joy to the World'.

One line: repeat the sounding joy, lingers.

Joy. Yes, sounding joy.

I can't help but let that be my guide as I embark on 2012.

Because no matter where, who, what, when, or why questions float around my head for this next season, there is joy. A joy that came over 2000 years ago is still here. A joy unaffected by circumstance or time. It's alive and ready to be tapped into. May I be aware of it and repeat it over and over again in the days to come, wherever they lead.

Christmas greetings from Pierre.

2011-12-23T13:58:00.002-05:00

10 days.

2011-12-09T18:22:00.003-05:00

I know that there is still technically 16 days till Christmas, but over here, I'm on a different kind of countdown. Just 10 more days until I arrive in Canada for my winter break. From what I hear, about 3 inches of snow fell today which makes for even more excitement!

And yet in the midst of my countdowning, I'm also growing increasingly aware of the short amount of time I have left to wrap up ends on this side. Here are some of the details:

According to the school day countdown we have on our classroom door, there are only 5 days left that we have together as a quartet (Zach, Noah, Caleb and I). When I return in the new year, I will only have the Mazur brothers, since Zach will be returning to the States with his family while I am in Canada. So instead of just closing up the school term with Noah and Caleb, and I'm also closing up the year with Zach. With just a few final days of bookwork ahead of us, we will finish in style with our annual beach Christmas party, baking extravaganza, and this year, even a Christmas concert!

The next 10 days also hold a lot of goodbyes. Last week the first dominoes of the tumble effect began as we sent off the fall intern group (one of them being our dear Heather). Even though their time with us seemed so short, we were thoroughly meshed together in no time, and it was difficult to see them go, knowing that the chapter was closing on our group dynamic in this time and place.

The domino effect continues in the coming days with more staff goodbyes, which I am not thrilled about. With the year coming to a close, the Malmstrom family as well as, Brianna, Courtney and Naoki will all be turning a new chapter. It's not easy to picture what life here is going to look like without these wonderful people, but I am trusting that just as He will guide each one who embarks outwards, that He will also grant peace and provisions for those of us who stay.

In the midst of this, I am also trying to finalize the paperwork and collaborate with John on the ground here to get the homes started for the Louissaint and Ferdinand families (aka. mountain families). I'm afraid I won't have many building pictures to show off until I return in January (due to a few logistical hiccups), but the more finalizations I can put in place before I leave, the quicker we will be able to launch when I return.

Thank you for your generous support and prayers for me during the past 4 months. It's truly amazing to look back and see how far we've come since September. I eagerly anticipate reuniting with you all upon my return and giving more of a personal update during my time in Canada!

'Tis the season!

2011-12-01T12:33:00.010-05:00

Some may say that getting into the Christmas spirit is a little more difficult in Haiti. Without the snow falling outside our windows, all-day Christmas music on the radio and warm scarves and sweaters to wear, I agree that it takes some getting used to... However, the boys and I eagerly embraced the challenge this morning as we set out searching for the perfect Christmas tree.

We considered getting one of the baby palms being planted by the new guesthouse area, but in the boys' opinions, they were just too puny. So, we pressed forward onto greater heights, being in the form of some tall seedling trees that grow in abundance in the valley at the back of our classroom.

We carried three tools with us - A gardening hoe, a hand shovel and one giant pick axe.

Several coats of bug spray and two bee stings later, we found our winner and began clearing the thick grass away with the hoe. Our first inclination was to dig the tree out by it's roots, so we each took turns swinging the pick axe to loosen it's rocky foundation. Unfortunately, because the tree was located on the side of a small incline, it made the work a little tricky and hindered our aim - which caused numerous scars on the tree trunk. After about half an hour of intense digging, we hadn't made much progress, so we all agreed to cut it down instead. Caleb left to retrieve his manual chainsaw and within a few minutes we had the tree trunk secured with soil and rocks in a cement bucket and dragged it into the classroom.

Then the fun part began as we decorated with stars, glitter, tinsel and even a string of garland crocheted by Noah. They had to play around with it first, of course.

We may not need a coat rack by the door, nor hot cocoa to warm up after our adventure, but with a Christmas-ified tree taking up a substantial part of the classroom, and carols on our instruments, I think it's safe to say we're ready to celebrate the birthday of our King!

Happy December and Merry Christmas from Haiti!

PS ~ Pierre got his Christmas present early this year... Yes, his wheelchair!!!

Pictures coming soon. :)

Praise the Lord.

2011-11-26T19:23:00.001-05:00

The last 3 chapters in the book of Psalms repeat the line 'Praise the Lord' 25 times. I just counted.

From the shining stars, to the mountains, to the lightning and hail, to the armies of heaven.

Praise the Lord.

Today I watched the waves kiss the shoreline and go back and forth over and over again. The soft, warm sand formed foot puddles with each step I took, and the palm leaves whispered and nodded overhead.

This world we're on has a pulse. Look around you and it's pretty obvious that we're surrounded by a land created by Something greater, and for Something greater.

Donald Miller writes 'If I have hope, it's that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me specifically into this story, and put us with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, enjoy your place in My story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you.'

This weekend I'm celebrating my second thanksgiving of the season. Another reminder to stop. To count my blessings. And to realize that I have an overflowing cup. Not because of circumstances or 'stuff', but because God's love is wrapping me up and pulling me into His beauty. A beauty that makes me want to stand in awe and praise.

hi.

2011-11-21T10:00:00.003-05:00

In case you didn't know, Pierre is a living miracle.

When he first came to the mission, all he could do was lay flat. We tried to prop him up with pillows, but if his body was leaning too far forward, his head would drop and his neck muscles didn't have the strength to lift it back up. He barely made a sound besides a weak cry when he awoke and a soft moan when he took his bottle.

Flash forward 14 months.

Pierre loves to show off. He tilts and dips his head in all directions. He waves, he smiles, he cries, he laughs, he baby talks the names of his other brothers and sisters, and makes all kinds of other random sounds just because he can.

But the best thing I've heard come out of his mouth thus far was yesterday in church...

He looked up at me with complete ease and in his most cheerful and clear tone he said,

'Hi'.

And then he said it again. And again. And again.

Thank you for praying for 'Ti Pierre' (which translates to 'Little Pierre'), as the kids like to call him. The love and support he has received from near and far has transformed his little life into an incredible testimony of hope.

Liberté - Egalité - Fraternité

2011-11-16T08:13:00.001-05:00

Since living in Haiti, I have partaken in things that I never imagined I could ever be a part of.

I often find myself in moments thinking, 'how on earth did I get here?', and it's then that I smile to myself and remember how the Lord is consistently re-creating and refining me.

Over the past few weeks, I have once again found myself in a very peculiar and unexpected situation:

Real estate.

Until this season, I have had zero interest or experience in this particular area, and yet somehow I have found myself diving head first into the world of surveying and notaries and negotiation. All the while with a finish line in sight - Land for homes to be built for the mountain families.

Months ago I was connected with a man who had land to sell, and with the help a very intertwined list of his relatives and the MOH office staff, I have managed to score a sweet plot of land on the side of the mountain overlooking the village of SourceMatelas and beyond to the Caribbean Sea. The location (about a 5 minute-walk from the water source, and a 15-minute walk from the families' current location and gardens), and the sea view were definite perks.

Last week things got serious as I sat down with Jean Jacques, Robenson and the land owner, Jean Claude, in his makeshift office - an empty classroom. We slid the desks together and had what I would call one of the most formal Haitian conversations I have witnessed. Even just reliving it as I type makes me chuckle because any North-American outsider would be mortified at these standards, and yet to these men it was a true Haitian bureaucracy. Jean Jacques very formally wrote out an official witness statement on one of the tear-out pages of my notebook, and even included the traditional Haitian slogan as the page header, Liberté - Egalité -Fraternité (which translates to Freedom - Equality - Brotherhood). Upon completion of the document, Jean Claude and I both signed our names, and I shook everyone's hand. A done deal.

Now with just a few more boxes to check off the 'land list', we are almost ready to begin the building process! When mom was here last week, we got to walk to the newly purchased land which has been graded and flattened in preparation for the new homes that will soon occupy it. What a joy it was to stand with the fathers of the families and take in the anticipation of their new homes. A place they can call their own.

Thank you for your continual support and prayers surrounding the building of these homes in the coming weeks. Please pray that the last pieces of paperwork and ownership will be finalized quickly, that the builders would use their skills effectively, and that the families would be able to dwell in these homes for generations to come. I eagerly await what happens next!

Memories with Mom.

2011-11-15T16:56:00.003-05:00

Well, I was doing pretty decent until I walked back into my apartment after dropping mom off at the airport. I saw the breakfast dishes in the sink, among many other small reminders of her presence, and that familiar empty feeling set in.

Our time together was so rich from sun up to sun down. We laughed, we cried, we cleaned, we cooked, we shopped till we dropped, we held a lot of babies, and of course, we kicked it in the classroom. :)

I realize that the sense of loss in my gut causes me to pity myself and to mope around (a-hem... like I've been doing). But instead of dwelling on her departure, I want to be so much more thankful for the chance we had to share the past week in together.

I am blessed beyond measure to have a mom that is so beautiful inside and out, who points me to the Truth, who challenges me to serve with my whole heart, and gives me a taste of the love of our Saviour.

May this week of wonderful memories spur me on to live out that love in the days to come.

Friday night.

2011-11-04T20:55:00.009-04:00

Today was a good day.

Julien and Gilner (21-month old twin boys) were welcomed into the Hope House! When I stopped by the baby house this afternoon, I wasn't surprised to find the room buzzing with action. The boys were being cuddled and prodded and talked to and stared at by their countless new brothers and sisters. I too joined in the action, but I could see by the look on their faces that they weren't too sure what to think of all the attention.

Later this evening, I joined the babies, toddlers and their Mommy on the way back to their room from movie night at Maggie's Kitchen. Jeremiah led me by the hand inside their house and I watched as Mommy prepared their bottles before bedtime. Hannah, Jeremiah, Matthew, Julien and Gulier stood watching her, but it wasn't long before one of the twins (who I can't yet tell apart), began to cry.

For a moment, I just paused and began to think about the events of the day for this tiny little boy. Starting with leaving his father and the rest of his siblings, and being put into the arms of a stranger. Travelling into a foreign place and being shuffled around by children all day, and then to be carried back to a dimly lit room where you feel simply exhausted and confused.

Even just one of these events would be enough for me to lose it, and here the little guy stood, finally not being able to hold it in any longer. So I picked him up, and walked back outside into the cool night air. As we stood in the silence, he stopped crying and I could feel his little hands wrap around my neck tightly. He was no longer timid or afraid, he just wanted to feel love.

It's one of those moments that I will remember for a very long time. A moment where the Lord spoke to me saying, 'this' is exactly where you are supposed to be.

Honestly, I think being in that place was more for me than the boy in my arms. Because I feel like I always have questions and concerns and uncertainties about what's around the corner. I don't know what the next month looks like, or where I'm going to be in a year. People and plans and work here is constantly changing, and sometimes it is a pretty daunting thing. But all of the worrying questions didn't even have a chance to interject tonight, because all that mattered was the little boy in my arms and the blessing to just be. Perfectly ordained by the Lord.

After a while, I brought him back inside and watched as he calmly took his bottle, I smiled to myself thinking how someday this little guy is going to have an incredible testimony. That even though he would have much rather been in the arms of his family tonight, that the Lord was turning the page into an incredible new chapter of his life. Like all of the Hope House kids, he came from tragedy, and yet in the months and years to come, his life is going to be radically transformed by love and the promises of God - promises of Hope.

I don't know what types of things lie ahead in the future for me or for this little buddy, but I thank the Lord for the reminder tonight that He is faithful, and that He is so much bigger than we are, and our questions. May we rest in the truth that His presence alone is more than enough.

The Great Teacher.

2011-11-02T17:37:00.006-04:00

God puts a bit of Himself into us.

He lends us a little of His reasoning powers and that is how we think.

He puts a little of His love into us and that is how we love one another.

When you teach a child writing, you hold it's hand while it forms the letters:

that is, it forms the letters because you are forming them.

We love and reason because God loves and reasons and holds our hands while we do it.

~ C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The joy of boys.

2011-10-30T08:07:00.003-04:00

Not long ago, I wrote a blog about the challenges of teaching some advanced material to Zach, Noah and Caleb. The work isn't getting easier as we move ahead, but upon further consideration, I've realized that there are a lot of perks in spending extended amounts of time with 3 boys. The following is a running list of some of the joys I've experienced over the past 2 months with this terrific trio.

- I never have to fret when I encounter an uninvited critter in my apartment or the classroom. It may require a delayed start to the school day, but the boys have never let me (or the neighbours) down once with their efficient removal/disposal services.

- Cute baby goats!

- My aim is getting better. The last BB war we had, I shot Zach from a fair distance! They still have to give me extra lives so that I can play longer (I have the battle scars to prove it), but you've got to start somewhere, right? Reload.

- Going along with the battle theme, the boys have been teaching me the basics of Halo. So far I can successfully shoot backwards while running, jump onto higher platforms and use a jet pack. Now that's certainly a step up from MarioKart!

- Whether it be calling one of the digestive parts the 'ball gladder', taking apart calculators at recess, eating handfuls of soda crackers, and turning just about anything into a competition, they always keep me fully amused.

- Tomorrow's another day... Guaranteed another adventure.

The purple dress.

2011-10-23T17:02:00.001-04:00

You may remember me writing about May 2, 2009, the day my cousins Erin and Jesse got married. Looking back, that was probably one of my hardest weekends to be in Haiti, knowing that there would be such a great party happening for them back on Canadian soil, and feeling so far away. But, thanks to my genius Uncle Rand and a strong Skype connection, I got to watch my beautiful cousins and friends enter in their purple gowns, and then I bawled uncontrollably as Uncle Pauly led Erin into the sanctuary while the pianist played a 'How beautiful' melody. For the record, I realized in that moment of running for kleenexes that it was probably a blessing I wasn't at the front of the church!

Fast forward 3 years... Following their engagement, my dear friend Sidonie and her fiancee, Mike set their wedding day for October 22, 2011. This past summer I got an e-mail from Sidonie, asking me to purchase a purple dress to be a part of their processional. With only a few weeks left before I was returning to Haiti, I began searching the stores for something suitable to wear with no luck. Finally, it dawned on mom that most of the bridesmaids from Erin's wedding still had their dresses unaltered - purple dresses! Thankfully we've all got the same body type, so it wasn't long before I was doing fittings with Cort and Kels, and then loading up the borrowed dress in my car. Upon my arrival in Haiti, I hung it up in my closet and waited for the day to arrive....

And what a day it was! I was so honoured to participate in the opening processional with Sidonie's other sisters, cousins and close friends. I was paired with Robenson, and we followed the Haitian tradition by doing a dancey-type of march down the aisle. Throughout the week we had received some coaching on this and did a few practices together, which is another story, but it definitely added to the experience! Robenson is pretty shy to begin with, so the whole idea of walking in front of a large crowd of people wasn't exactly his cup of tea. As we practiced though, I could sense his confidence growing, and yesterday just after we were seated from our entrance, I glanced over at him - He was beaming and giving me a big thumbs up. Success! :)

Following the vows, prayers, and a huge cheer for the kiss, we all made our way over to the cafeteria for a Haitian feast (including crab and lobster - yum!), with music and a lot more pictures. Unfortunately due to a poor internet connection that we've had over recent weeks, I am not able to include any with this blog, but I'll be doing my best to upload a few favourites when the connection cooperates.

Scrolling through all of my snapshots from the day, I realize how blessed I am to be a part of such a wonderful group of people, and what wonderful memories were made!

At the end of the night when I reached my apartment, I looked at my reflection and smiled. Even though I was unable to wear this same purple dress for the Moore/Czepek wedding a few springs ago, the Lord provided such a fantastic substitute. A substitute that I never would have imagined, but then again - He's really a master at unexpected blessings!

And a little shout out to Erin, Cort and Kels... Thanks for letting me carry on the purple dress! :)

Leaning curve.

2011-10-18T16:41:00.003-04:00

I feel like I hit this wall every year... What did I sign up for?!

And it's about that time again... When the back to school hype ends along with the review lessons. And there are still 8 and a half months to go.

To be honest, I kind of thought I had it in the bag this fall... Only 3 boys, that I already knew well, and curriculum that covered all the bases. Not much to fret, right?

Hmmm... Wrong.

You see, there's a reason why I chose to specialize in elementary education. Teaching the basics like how to write your name, how to tie your shoes and counting up to 20 is right up my alley. Because I already know it like the back of my hand... There's no studying after hours.

But when you teach grade 6, 7 and 8, not all of it is the common sense that I'm used to teaching. Not at all. Today it stopped me in my tracks. And I began to look back on my commitment to teach these guys last year wondering - What was I thinking?

This year, more than ever, I'm on a learning curve. I'm reading up on the digestive system and mapping strategies while I chat on Skype. I'm analyzing my devotional books for prepositional phrases and subjective complements. I'm practicing algebraic formulas in the margins of my journal.

But even more than a learning curve, I'm realizing that it's a leaning curve, because ultimately I know that I just don't have what it takes to master this stuff. Broc (my brother) got all of the book smart genes between the two of us, and no matter how many hours I pour into studying, there are always pieces that I miss.

And so as I strive for the understanding that will help my boys get through the next lesson or the next test, I'm depending ever more desperately on the Lord to be my confidence, my direction, and ultimately my peace that He will get them through. That despite my knack for retaining all the pertinent facts, that He would provide for us as a class and that we would grow stronger together in Him. Through learning and through leaning.

Live it like a song.

2011-10-13T15:43:00.003-04:00

There have been so many of my highly-anticipated albums released over the past few weeks... My iPod has to be synced every couple of days because of all the sweet music coming out from NeedtoBreathe, Switchfoot, Ben Rector, Gungor, Leeland and more. Music is one of the few things that is easier to keep up with on in this island, and for that I am very grateful.

For our past weekend journey to Jacmel, I made up a little playlist for the road trip with some of my recent favs and on the twisty drive home through the mountains I plugged in. I didn't have the songs in any particular order, but it quickly occurred to me how they were all playing towards the same message - as if I had spent hours working on directing them towards the same theme.

Lyrics like 'wake on up from your slumber', 'one man wakes with dawn in his eyes, surely then it multiplies' and 'why would I wait till I die to come alive'?

Notice the trend?

Ironically, the music that I have collected to make my life a little rosier has actually become my greatest discomfort and conviction. As I've cranked up the volume and hummed along with the words, I've actually grown more and more aware of my need to make these lyrics a reality... Stepping beyond comfort lines and pouring out myself moment by moment. And that just isn't what I was planning on when I downloaded them.

In our Bible study over the past few weeks, we've been talking about what it means to follow Jesus and we've been honest that it's easy to cop-out to the tough stuff because we live in Haiti. After living here for 3+ years, I admit that it's really not that uncomfortable anymore. But when I feel the Lord nudging me to step out in something new as He's been doing, I hesitate because I think I've already gone far enough.

I am beginning to accept that there is always more to life than what we're living. And based on the discomfort I feel from the messages of some of these songs, I know that the Lord is working on me in this. Asking me to loosen my grip on the predictability around me and opening my eyes to new growth ahead, which will only cause me to lean on Him a little harder.

The good news is that He is patient, and never loses hope in me. But the more I put things off and claim my rights to comfort, the more I am missing out on the fullness of the story.

It's my prayer that as these lyrics sink into my heart, that I wouldn't just sing them, but be completely awakened and have renewed vision, so that as Switchfoot sings, I may live it like a song.

Highlight of my day.

2011-10-11T19:04:00.005-04:00

No, it wasn't being greeted by this once-alive creature (placed ever so carefully in position on my doormat by Zach and Noah).

... Now that I think about it, it's probably about time I start assigning homework. Something better to do with their time than think up pranks for their helpless teacher! ;)

Actually, the highlight of my day was seeing Marie Rose and Senson walking up to the clinic with their class this afternoon. Here's why.

This week, there is a medical team that is giving out free typhoid vaccines to the School of Hope students, Haitian and North American mission staff and everyone and anyone in between. I took a pit stop at the clinic on my way down to 3cords today to get a booster for myself as well. But as Brianna and I ascended the hill on her four-wheeler after saying goodbye to the ladies a few hours later, we passed a class of about 40 children - all dressed in their uniforms, with a teacher at the front of the line leading them along the roadside up to the clinic. First, I spotted Iverson and Stevenson (both Hope House kids) at the back of the line and Brianna and I called out greetings to them as we drove by. While we were passing, I heard my name and glanced back again thinking that it was one of the boys... Who did my eyes fall upon but SENSON, gazing up at me with bright eyes and a wide smile. There he was, amidst the other kids going for his vaccine. Such a simple exercise, but so significant in my mind. And then just as my gaze left Senson I saw Marie Rose up in the line just a few steps ahead of him, showing off her famous grin. I lifted both hands and almost fell off the ATV - ridiculous? yes. Embarrassed? not really.

Even now, I can hardly express the fullness of my heart that these sweet children are a part of real classroom. And not only do they get to learn, but they get access to the programs and benefits of the other ministries happening around the mission.

Tonight, my arm is a little bit tender - evidence of the prick of a needle earlier today. But what's neat to me is that 'my kids' are also probably feeling similar symptoms - all of which will be cleared up by morning, but immunization from disease that will last for years to come. We are in this together... How cool is that?

A thousand words.

2011-10-09T17:20:00.007-04:00

I spent this past weekend visiting Jacmel, a beautiful beach town on the southern coast of Haiti. Pictures and words could never justify these views, but here's a try.

... If you're ever in the area, I really recommend you checking it out for yourself!

It also just so happens to be Canadian thanksgiving weekend... In keeping with the pictures and memories of the past few days, I am so very grateful to serve such a marvellously creative God.

Today.

2011-10-04T15:10:00.005-04:00

Today, every spot of shade, every inch of the basketball court, and every sidewalk is overflowing with children big and small, embarking on day two of a new school year. The little black penny loafers and white hair barrettes and ribbons are in abundance. And every child that approached me in their cute little uniform brought a wide smile to my face.

Because it's more than new backpacks and sharp pencils. It's more than a fresh haircut or the plaid uniform pattern. It's children who get to begin a new trend for their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. The opportunity to gain knowledge, grow in wisdom, and eventually graduate from one of the most highly-esteemed schools in the country. It's teachers and a Christian curriculum that will tangibly transform lives. It's a new generation of literacy.

And for Peterson,

Senson, Dida, Marie Rose and Jean Bathel,

this is a hopeful future, just as the Lord promises in Jeremiah 29:11. And I believe this is just the start.

Over the next few weeks, the Mission of Hope will be running a school sponsorship campaign for the 1444 children (53% of the currently enrolled students) who do not yet have sponsors. Peterson, Dida, Senson, Marie Rose and Jean Bathel fall into this category, amongst the hundreds of others. If you are interested in making a difference in the lives of one of these children, please contact me or e-mail Katy at the MOH office (katy@mohhaiti.org).

Thank you for partnering with the future generation of Haiti!

Tomorrow.

2011-10-02T16:47:00.003-04:00

I just took a step back in time as I scrolled through my blog archive to October 2009, the month that I first met the mountain children. Reading that post, I can still relive every helpless emotion that I felt as my feet trudged back up the hill that evening. I was desperate for a solution... Little did I know that the Lord was calling me to be a part of it.

Since that time, by the grace of God, I've been able to connect and build relationships with each of the children and their parents. I've watched the newborn babies learn to crawl and talk and take baby steps. I've watched the children learn to write their names and count numbers. I've watched watermelons grow in their father's garden. I've watched the goat trails I walk on grow wider and smoother as other friends and family members have joined in on the journey. I've watched the families come to church and build relationships with other church leaders.

I've watched the Lord work in incredible ways, but most of all, I've watched the way that He has turned my confused and devastated heart, into a testimony of His love and hope for the least of these.

Tomorrow I will watch again. Along with over 2,500 other students, 5 of the mountain children will be entering the mission gates to receive an education here at the School of Hope. Over the past week, I spent a lot of my afternoon time with Robenson checking off our lists, meeting with the parents to explain the school schedule, buying last-minute supplies at the market, and outfitting the children in their new uniforms (stay tuned for pictures coming soon!).

Even after all of this, I still can barely absorb that it's actually happening. These children are going to have a chance at something new and marvellous. Indeed, their lives will be forever changed.

So when you read this, wherever you are, I ask you to say a prayer for Peterson (kindergarten), Dida (grade 1), Sonson (grade 3), Marie Rose (grade 3) and Jean Bathel (grade 6). Pray with me that these children will continue to become all that the Lord has made them to be as they embark on this new journey. Pray Luke 2:52 over them, that they may grow in wisdom, stature, and in favour with God and man. Pray that they would love to learn, and that this year would be a new generation of growth, not just for them but for their families as well.

To God be all of the glory, for hearing the cries of His people and for His faithful provision. May He continue to carry out His good work until completion in the lives of these dear children.

a reason to hope.

2011-09-26T14:54:00.004-04:00

the knowledge of our own poverty is what brings us to the proper place

where Jesus Christ accomplishes His work.

~ oswald chambers

and there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

get over your hill and see what you find there,

with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

~ mumford & sons

may the God who gives hope fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in Him.

then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.

~ romans 15:13

To be continued...

2011-09-23T08:42:00.007-04:00

A month can hold so many things, and since I've been back it's been filled to the brim with a mix of events. There was the grand opening of the new 3Cords building, sweet reunions and new friends, baby walks (are they ever growing!), a wedding, mouse captures (and escapes - yikes), a school kick-off, waiting outside the principal's office, and indulging in my favourite fruit season... who says you can't eat avocado and drink grenadia juice for every meal!?

Now that we're on the brink of October, the dust is beginning to settle a little more. Noah and Caleb have been on vacation with their parents as well, dwindling down our class to just Zach and I, which has been great, but also very different from what I'm accustomed to. This 'breathing' time has given me an opportunity to look beyond my horizon to some of the other ministries and needs on campus.

I ask you all for prayer as I seek out the different ways that I can serve in this place, and to find wisdom and peace in knowing where I fit. That I may discover new investments - not just a way to fill up blank spots in my days, and to strike new chords with the passions in my heart that the Lord has given me. He has guided me so faithfully these past 3 years, and I am excited to see what doors will open in this next chapter.

To be continued...

Get growing.

2011-09-16T17:34:00.004-04:00

Almost every property in downtown Port-au-Prince is bordered by a wall or gate of some sort.

As we were zigzagging through the city streets today, dodging incoming tap taps and bustling pedestrians, a certain cement wall caught my eye. Through the stones and cement plaster raised from the jam-packed sidewalk, there were a few different kinds of plants growing outward. Something about this little drive by sighting stuck with me and wrapped me up in my thoughts for the rest of the ride home.

Maybe it's because Caleb and I have been studying plants in his science unit and I've been drilling in the needs of living things. Water, sunlight, good soil, carbon dioxide... You know, this lesson isn't rocket science - after all we see this growth happen everywhere, but the sight that flew by me downtown defies those simple odds. Somewhere back in time, a few seeds found themselves caught between a 'rock and a hard place' (literally), and had to beat the odds to sprout and flourish. Call me crazy, but that process has given me a new perspective.

Ever since I've been back in Haiti, I have found myself dwelling frequently on the things that I lack. There have been a significant amount of changes since I was here last June including the dynamics and number of staff, my job, and the daily routine... And they just keep on coming. I have had numerous chats with the Lord about this, knowing that it's all in His plan to teach me more about who He is. And yet deep down inside I feel like I have a 'right' to some of the things He's taken away, as if they are necessary for my survival here - just as the plant needs those few staple provisions to stay alive.

Driving past that wall of cement today was a bit of a wake up call for me. A testimony so to speak, that in the darkness and dryness of a dusty wall of cement, a seed could have enough gumption to grow. Or maybe not so much accrediting the seed with the gumption, but a miraculous demonstration of the Lord... Even if the only fruit was for me to see it and get a kick in the pants.

The truth is, I'm going to adjust to these changes one way or another, but right now a lot of it has to do with my attitude and openness. The title of my blog that came to me in a prayer over 3 years ago is still staring back at me as I write this post - embrace hope. Because if I can turn my eyes from the rear view mirror, I will be able to see the bright opportunities waiting for me on the road ahead... I'm pretty sure once the seed caught a glimpse of the light, it made the process a lot more easier.

Deep down inside, there's something new to sprout. The change may seem dark and dry, but the hope and promises of the Lord are more than enough to get me growing.

The principal's office.

2011-09-10T11:40:00.005-04:00

The back-to-school week has always been known as a little crazy, but I think this year's 5-day stretch takes the cake. Amongst the gear-switching of routine and extra-curricular action, I found myself sitting outside the principal's office multiple times... And contrary to the norm, I actually wanted to be there.

To recap on some previous blogs, I have been working alongside my friend Robenson to try and enrol the mountain family kids into the school at Mission of Hope. Before I left Haiti for the summer, I met with the principal (Met Soufrann) a few times and we got the ball rolling on their files for the upcoming school year. This week, I was back at his doorstep ready to finalize everything for the year ahead. Fortunately, the national schools don't start classes until October this year, which has given me a bit of an extra cushion to lay out all the groundwork before the offices become grand central station.

So down to the principal's office I went on Monday afternoon, where I first met up with Robenson to develop our 'game plan'. This pretty much consisted of me telling Robenson what I hoped we could come away from the meeting with, and him refining those ideas into a feasible course of action. From there, Met Soufrann invited us in, and we began assessing each of the mountain children based on their age and the grade level they would be placed in.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before we were made aware of another hurdle. The documented information that we had discussed about the children before I left last June had been lost in the heap of file folders on his desk, so we couldn't move forward until we had new copies of their birth certificates to verify ages. In addition, the kids also needed photos for their files.

So back to the drawing board... We scheduled another meeting for Tuesday, and I left feeling slightly defeated at our lack of progress. Robenson was still in good spirits though, and he assured me that if we focussed on getting the missing pieces in the coming week, there was still lots of time to sort things out before October's school start.

By evening, I was feeling better because I had gotten another printout of the birth certificates (thank you Mazurs for your copy services!), and Robenson informed me by phone that he had been in touch with a photographer from SourceMatelas who would get pictures of all the kids the following day.

Tuesday afternoon I bounded down the hill once again, straight Met Soufrann's office with birth certificates in hand. Another hiccup. Due to some all-too-familiar cell phone service issues, Robenson was MIA and I couldn't get a hold of him. So I left the birth certificates with Met Soufrann and we postponed our next meeting for later in the week.

Thursday rolled around and down again to the principal's office I went. The secretaries and janitorial staff were getting pretty used to seeing me at this point! Robenson was waiting for me on an orange plastic chair in the hallway, and we caught up on our latest advancements. He informed me that the photos had been taken and would be printed on Monday. Things were already looking up!

We got up from our chairs to go in to see Met Soufrann, and he quickly came around the corner of his office door informing us he was off to a meeting. We all stood there for a moment not sure what to say, and then he quickly switched directions and rushed us and his secretary into his office, telling her write fast to get the paperwork done before he had to leave. Bless his heart for taking time for us! Soon another school administrator (Jocelyn) joined us and began confirming placements of each of the children. The sad news I have to tell you is that the 3 oldest children: Francia, Wala and Shaylyn are too old to be enrolled in the school, so Robenson and I now need to investigate other village schools that may accept them. The good news however, is that the 5 other kids: Peterson, Dida, Senson, Elumain and Jean Berthel will all be attending classes at the School of Hope this coming school year!

After Met Soufrann confirmed logistics, he went on his way to the next appointment, and we stayed with the other administrator to complete the paper work. Sitting there with Robenson and witnessing Jocelyn finalize the enrolment was such a rewarding moment for us, and I can't even begin to say how grateful I am to the Lord for His provision in this. Only He could have aligned all the details so perfectly.

I also can't go on another sentence without recognizing all of the Haitian staff at the school for their faithfulness and hard work in making this happen. I would have easily understood if they would have discluded these children - with no past identification or association with the school - from enrolling. However, it truly reflects the heart of their ministry and their passion to see a future generation of literacy and life-change.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support in these days of waiting and searching out possibilities for these students, down until the last pieces are in place. If you would be interesting in sponsoring one of these five beautiful children, or any other children attending school this year, please contact me or e-mail sponsorship@mohhaiti.org.

Let the learning begin!

back to sChOOL!

2011-09-05T17:39:00.003-04:00

The pencils are sharpened, the desks are cleaned and arranged, the books are lining the shelves, and the BB guns are loaded!
To state the obvious, this is a very different and stretching kind of school year for me... The do-it yourself calendar that once hung on the wall a few feet off the ground to be in reach for my smaller students is now in storage, along with the primary colour wheel and easy readers.
Instead of singing the months of the year and counting coins, I am diving head-first into Algebra, American history, and the scientific method to name a few. With Zach in grade 8, Noah in grade 7 and Caleb in grade 6, it became apparent to me over the summer that my story circle and finger plays weren't going to cut it. Instead I had to think a little more outside the box in the line of creepy crawly, flex your muscles 'coolness'.
Hence - the back to sChOOL title and knock-off Ray Bans for everybody!
Cheesy? Maybe.
Effective? I'd like to think so!
See for yourself here:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150766328760046.726886.521950045&l=2913b7792e&type=1
(Wish I could post pictures on my blog page, but the internet isn't cooperating very well today!)

Praise be to God, we started school this morning and had a great kick-off. We dove straight into the story of David in the bible, hung up our American, Canadian and Haitian flags, and the boys even got their first whiff of that 'new book' smell. I'm excited for all this year will bring and for the daily learning that will come about for each one of us.

A few months ago, one of my previous students shared a few of her favourite songs with me, and one of them was titled 'Lead Me' by Sanctus Real. If you've heard the song, you know it's geared more towards husbands and fathers, but as I sat alone in the stillness of my classroom this morning, before any boys came bounding in, I hummed the chorus to myself.

Father, give me the strength to be everything I'm called to be
Oh Father, show me the way to lead them, won't you lead me.
Lead me, cause I can't do this alone.
... So that when the sunglasses come off, the blaring speakers are turned down, and they look back on these days in the years to come, that they would remember the ways that they grew not just in knowledge, but in their love for the one true Leader of their lives. May they rise up to become all He has made them to be.

Part of the family.

2011-08-29T08:50:00.003-04:00

I have always loved weddings. There's something about family and friendship and love and celebration all coming together that warms my heart. I remember attending ceremonies as a little girl, just to see the bride enter the church with her father. My emotion always gets the best of me watching the parents let her go, and seeing the groom with eyes full of deep adoration. Over the years, I have had the privilege of being a part of the weddings for some of my closest friends. These have been some of the best days of my life, from the wee hours of the morning primping and crimping to the late night dance parties.

Yesterday I got to be a part of a different kind of wedding. My friend Idelie (who was the teacher for the mountain children this past school year), got married to her fiancee, Duvenel. This experience was like nothing I had ever imagined, but what an amazing day it was! After church I traveled to SourceMatelas to see Idelie's family, and before we even reached her house I could see the hustle and bustle in full swing. It was as if the whole village was preparing for the wedding event. Everywhere I went, I could see people carrying large dishes, hot ironing suits and gowns, blowing up balloons, loading Coke bottles into pick up trucks and on and on.

Reuniting with Idelie's mother and siblings was so wonderful, and thus began my own involvement in the day. I first found myself in the outdoor kitchen area of their home, where about 20 ladies were all working on the reception meal. After being fed some goat for lunch, I helped about 6 ladies fry plantains. They were really sweet to let me do it with them, as I was quite a rookie!

After that was finished, I was taken to the home of the eldest brother where the bride and all of the other girls in the wedding were getting ready. Now, based on past Canadian weddings, I was prepared for somewhat of a chaotic scene, but nothing could have prepared me for what I would encounter. The house was made up of 4 rooms, and when I arrived there were probably about 35 women and girls inside. One room was full of girls getting their hair done (the curling irons and straighteners were probably radiating more heat than the sun), one room was where the flowers and food were being gathered, one room was full of gowns, jewellery and shoes, and the last was where the flower girls were getting ready and congregating. In the whole house there was just ONE mirror, and ONE fan... There are no words.

At that point, I didn't really know what to do with myself, but I didn't have to worry about that because Idelie gave me plenty of instructions. The first step for me was to take a shower, so she handed me a cup and took my out in the backyard to a tin enclosed-type closet. It was dark inside but I managed to find the bucket of water and a bar of soap. All I could do was laugh, but after being inside the house, the cold water felt SO good.

After that, I was handed a curling iron by one of the ladies so I squeezed behind the flower girls and found a vacant part of the mirror to style my hair. After creating about 4 decent curls, I was summoned into the dressing room by Idelie's sister, Sidonie, to begin helping her get Idelie into her wedding gown. Now let me just say that Haitian's go all out on wedding garb. Satin gowns, jewelled veils, long white gloves, and sparkly earrings and necklaces. I was zipping, bustling, buttoning, clasping and dressing first Idelie, and then Sidonie. It didn't help that both ladies' dresses were probably 2 or 3 sizes too small, but I did my best. Then they sent me back out to the mirror where they gave me a palate of eyeshadows, and to the best of my ability I beautified the bride (she really didn't need any makeup!). The flower girls and other bridesmaids were all trying to give their own opinions on my work, and it wasn't long before the eyeliner was snatched from me so they could do it their way. I was so relieved!

Not long after, Robenson entered the house in a cream suit and told me to come with him, so I followed him back to the other home where the wedding vehicles were parked. After snapping a few pictures, the bride arrived, and I squeezed into the small SUV with her and 8 (yes 8!) others.

I am happy to say that despite the flurry of preparation, the wedding went on without a hitch. From the grand entrance, to the pronunciation of husband and wife, to the grand feast afterwards, the wedding was so beautiful!

During the ceremony, as I sat in the front pew with Robenson and his mom and watched the couple take their vows, I tried to absorb everything that had taken place earlier in the day, and how my presence had been so undeservingly welcomed. It was such an honour and blessing for me to be a part of the wedding day, but even more, a part of their family.

Matthew 19:29 says ~

And every one who has left houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall inherit life eternal.

I have mentioned this verse in my blogs before, about the wonderful people that I have met over the past 3 years in Haiti. People who have become more than just acquaintances or friends, and yesterday was no exception. I thank the Lord for allowing me to testify His promise of provision in being a part of such a beautiful family. A family bonded together by Him.

A good place to start.

2011-08-26T08:50:00.002-04:00

It's hard to condense the past 72 hours into this text window. Saying my last Canadian goodbyes, hurricane alerts, a cancelled flight in New York (it's official, JFK and I do not get along), an earthquake, a rough landing through storm clouds, arrival in Haiti and into the constant stream of open Canadian/American/Haitian arms.

Each one of these events is deserving of their own blog post, but I struggle with where to even begin. I had a lot of struggle in the 48 hours of my journey... Wondering what kind of a start this was to my year. With every hiccup, I found myself falling inch by inch into clouds of doubt and yearning to be back in my lovely summer days.

It was in those days that I stumbled on a verse that I jotted down quickly for future reference. Little did I know how soon I would need it.

Look to the Lord for strength. Seek His face always. ~ Psalm 105:4

These words became my foothold.

Despite the unnerving circumstances, the promise here provided me with the peace to look to the faithfulness of my Father. The One who holds the earth in His hands, and whose presence is ever with me. Amidst the turbulence happening physically and mentally, it was certainly a good place to start.

It's my prayer that this verse would continue to resound through my days in the year ahead. That I would be made weak so that I can testify the strength of the One who is strong. May He be ever glorified. Thank you all for your many prayers that carried me back to my home sweet Haitian home safe and sound.

Snowbird

2011-08-22T06:41:00.001-04:00

Last night on my drive to a coffee catch up, I saw birds flying overhead in a V formation.

I smiled to myself thinking about how in just a few weeks the skies will be full of Canadian geese making their way south for the winter. And also how tomorrow, I too will be in the sky above... A little earlier than the usual Canadian snowbird, but heading south just the same.

It's been the best summer a girl could ask for, and from some recent status updates I've seen on facebook, I know I'm not the only one with that opinion... Can't summer just last forever!? From the weddings, to the travels, to the home cooked meals around smiling faces at home in the kitchen, I couldn't have asked for anything more.

The coming months hold hope for a great fall term as I soak in a different kind of sun and switch gears into a new role and routine. Thank you all for making the last 2 months so memorable, for your heartfelt encouragement and for your every/anyday prayers. I look forward to seeing you all on my Christmas break!

i thank God i miss you.

2011-08-09T14:34:00.001-04:00

Living in two different worlds leaves me with an inevitable reality: No matter where I go, there will always be someone I miss. The faces above capture a very small percentage of some of the dear friends in my life - people that I didn't know I needed 3 years ago.

In 2 weeks I will be returning back to Haiti and reuniting with most of them, only leaving me to miss the ones that I get to be with right now. It's never an easy trade-off one way or the other, but Ben Rector puts a good spin on it.

'Sometimes I feel these words are cheapened by the way they're said, we do not mean them.

From a million miles away words are all I know to say, so I am speaking to you write now...

I thank God I miss you.'

I thank God for bringing such beautiful people into my life.

I thank God for the memories we've shared through the valleys and the summits.

I thank God for each one of you who has shown me a glimpse of what real community and love and joy look like. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on, a reason to dance, and the most inspiring people I have ever known.

I thank God for bringing you into my life - some for a short time, and some for a lifetime.

I thank God I miss you.

Purpose in the process.

2011-08-03T09:42:00.003-04:00

We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at that goal is of little importance. What we see as only the process of reaching an end, God sees as the goal itself. - Oswald Chambers

Often times in life I have expectations. Expectations of myself, of others, and of God.

I believe that if I pull my weight, and if others cooperate, and if God is what I believe Him to be, then my life will reap the benefits. It's like a math calculation... Equate in the proper variables and you should end up with the desired product. Sure, there can be hiccups along the way, but nothing too costly, and in the end it will be worth it because with everything working in harmony, the desired goal can and will be attained.

Unfortunately I have a far-too large and ever-growing collection of stories and experiences that don't fit into this cookie-cutter model I set up for myself. No matter how high I keep my chin up, the reality of life is harsh. It leaves me asking questions without answers.

I don't have to list examples here. We all have them - A bad diagnosis. A lost job. A broken relationship. An abandoned child. A homeless family. And on and on it goes.

The beginning quote from 'My Utmost for His Highest' was a reminder to me this week that often my human perceptions of what our lives are about aren't always what we want to admit. A happy life of rainbows and lollipops may be endearing, but who needs God in that? The more we seek out a life free of pain, the less we recognize God's purpose in the midst of it.

What Oswald is trying to say here is that there is little we can learn about His character unless He takes us through the storm. Without being able to look back and testify His strength in my darkest moments, I wouldn't be able to understand who God is. And ultimately, our lives aren't about a particular outcome. It's not about succeeding, or reaching the summit, or redeeming our pride, or overcoming our illness or even saving the world. Instead, it's about us becoming closer and more reliant on a God who loves us more than we can fathom, and trusting Him above all the tangible things on earth.

For the things that concern me today, and for the people closest to me, I am praying not just a matter of winning and losing, building and breaking, surviving and dying. Instead of wanting to just reach the other side in one piece, I pray that we will find purpose in the process and faithfulness in the Father as we pick up the broken pieces. He is the only One who can put us back together.

Happy trails.

2011-07-21T11:58:00.000-04:00

Praise Him under open skies, everything breathing praising God

In the company of all who love the King

Let us dance, let us sing

It could be heavenly

Turn the music loud and sing

Lift your voice to heaven

Lift up your head and sing

To the One who gave his love

This is our offering

Lift your voice to heaven

Lift up your head and sing

To the One who gave His son

Here our lives we bring

From wherever you are

Wherever you've been

He's been there

So let his people sing

And it's so wonderful to be here now

Wherever you are wherever you've been

He's been there

These lyrics from David Crowder Band have been humming through my brain over the past few days. On the backseat of a motorcycle, in the passenger seat of a pickup, and in the driver's seat of my mom's Mini... Cruising happy trails and back roads past lush vineyards, rows of cornfields, towering spruce trees, tiger lilies, mailboxes, sprinklers, fruit stands, freshwater lakes and old farmhouses. How blessed I feel to be home in the heart of a Canadian summer!

Morning song.

2011-07-14T06:18:00.005-04:00

This morning I was awakened at 5am by birds outside my open window.

My instinct was to roll over and rest some more, so I did. Except I couldn't fall asleep. The harder I tried to drift back to dreaming, the more birds added to the chorus, and the louder they became. My newly-woken mind began to critique why birds have to start their song so early... For goodness sake, it was still dark out! But the sound continued and increasingly more birds added their unique harmonies.

So I gave in. I would like use romanticized language here and say that the birds beckoned me outdoors to the dawn, but I'm afraid due to the hour, it was more in the form of reluctance to be dragged out of bed.

As I reached the doors of our back porch, I saw the deep violet tone of the sky with a hint of colour at the horizon. No turning back now. So I wrapped myself in a blanket and watched the sun creep it's way into the day. The backyard was so still. So entranced by the dawn. Everything was frozen in time except for the continual change of colours and ever growing light of the sky. And the birds were still singing.

As I sat bundled in the patio chair, I think I learned something this morning. The birds do this same routine every single day (I just usually prefer to sleep through it). They do it in Canada, and they do it in Haiti, and they do it all over the world. The greet the morning with singing. And they don't just wait for the light. They sing in the dark. They make music even before they see the sun.

It's something that I think I need to realize in my life. Often, I only sing or praise the Lord when the sun is shining on me. In the darkness I easily lose my gumption to see signs of the morning, and I would rather sleep and be waken when it's over.

And yet if I would only take a lesson from the birds, to wait faithfully for the Lord. If I would praise Him simply for who He is and not because of my external circumstances. The Bible promises if I do press onto to know Him, He will appear, just as the sun rises (Hosea 6:3). I hope you can be encouraged by the birds today, just as I was. In the darkest disappointments of my life, I want to worship and believe that hope will rise. And I want to sing about it.

My home and native land.

2011-07-01T09:49:00.003-04:00

I've been a little MIA on the blog front recently.

I made it home 10 days ago and dove headfirst into a flurry of activity, marrying off my dear friend Vicki, and reuniting with the people I love most.

Today is Canada day and how good it is to be in this beautiful land. I woke up and met my dad on the back porch where we looked out to the open space of the backyard and beyond. The crisp mornings, the mature trees that canopy long country roads, and the shadows cast by the sun going down way past Haiti's 6pm norm is all too wonderful for words.

I'm so thankful today for Canada, and for the other people and places around the world that have captured my heart.

I look forward to sharing these next two months with you, true north strong and free!

Just yesterday...

2011-06-14T21:26:00.000-04:00

It feels like just yesterday I was in the back seat of my dad's pickup driving to Gateway Niagara to meet Laurens and Cheryl for the first time. Flash forward a few months and again, it seems like just yesterday that I was boarding a plane with their family and headed for Haiti, an island so faraway and foreign to me. Hours later, we landed and once more, it was just yesterday we were bumping down the Port-au-Prince streets in the back of a rusty bus. Cheryl was my informal tour guide, pointing out sights to my left and right as we bounded past. My mind resembled the blurry images flying by around us - a clouded mush of shock and awe of all that entered my field of vision. Even though we had only be friends for a few weeks, Laurens, Cheryl and their kids were one of the few pieces of familiarity and comfort that I clung to upon my arrival and during the months to follow.

3 years have passed in Haiti since those yesterdays. This past Sunday at church the vanderMark family was requested to come to the stage and were recognized for all of the work they have done alongside their Haitian counterparts. Through the earthquake, hurricanes, disease outbreaks, and generator crises (to name a few), they have been on the front lines 24/7 serving and using their God-given talents to further the kingdom.

Meanwhile, I've had the privilege of working with their 3+2 children. Working with Ana, Mina, Bridgely, Grayden and Teagan each day has been one of the best highlights of my time in Haiti. We have all grown in our knowledge, experiences, and our faith. Each one of them is such a unique combination of passions and giftings and I am so excited to see where the Lord takes them as they continue to grow. And I will miss them like crazy.

Today was another farewell day as their family was recognized in a staff send-off party down at the cafeteria. There had to have been at least 80 people, mostly Haitian, who were in attendance to show their gratitude and appreciation to Laurens and Cheryl for their ministry and leadership in their roles here in Haiti.

Later on as the crowd diminished I stood with Cheryl and we chatted about their last days here and all that the final days will bring. Through teary eyes we laughed about how backwards it is in our minds that they would be leaving Haiti before me. Ask anyone when we arrived including me, and we would have all agreed that I was on my way out far before them. And yet here we are, with them tying up loose ends and me advancing plans for the year ahead. Even though we all know that this is the Lord's plan and He has given each one of us a peace about where He is leading, it seems so weird that this same family I looked to and leaned on is branching off in another direction while I stay on a similar course. Once again, it's a reminder that only the Lord knows our path, and he provides and directs us according to the bigger picture that only He can see.

Please be in prayer for the vanderMark crew in the coming days as they say their final goodbyes and prepare for the next chapter that awaits their family. Thank you Laurens and Cheryl for taking me with you on this part of your journey. May God bless you and continue to use you for His glory wherever He may lead.

Countdowning.

2011-06-09T20:58:00.005-04:00

Each day that goes by on the calendar, I can't help but squeal a bit inside. I'm growing ever closer to family and friends that are just a skip downstairs or a country drive away, crisp summer nights out on the town, loaded salads, milk, fresh picked berries and DAIRY QUEEN (I could go on).

But also the reality that I'm really really really gonna miss this,

and this,and this.

Resonating.

2011-06-07T17:09:00.003-04:00

Most of you know that music is kind of my thing. I am thankful for great bands and melodies that give a soundtrack to my days. I'm not much of a musician, but a few years ago I added a guitar to my most loved possessions and make do with a few favoured chords that I have picked up along the way.

Little did I know that this beginner acoustic would years later come to Haiti and fall into the hands of some amazingly talented and aspiring musicians. Granted, it looks a lot different than it did when I cradled it as my own in the beginning... It's got battle scars - chipped varnish, sweat smears and dusty residue, but it's never made a more beautiful sound. The acoustic blend with lyrical harmonies brings perspective in uncertainty and a comfort to the soul.

This week I've been reminded in a symbolic kind of way that I'm very similar those rusty strings on my guitar. I am flawed and temporary and without the great Musician I am absolutely useless. Just as my guitar is completely reliant on music-savvy people to fulfill it's purpose, so I am 100% dependent on the Lord to breathe His song into my life. How incomplete I am apart from the Musician who plays me. How reliant I am on His life-giving power.

So many times I think I know how the song goes, and I try to get it out on my own, but how can I possibly get by? It's simple, I can't. Just as the clay depends on the Potter, so the instrument can't decide or resound the notes on it's own.

It's my hope and prayer that the Lord would create His song out of my hollow being. That I would be completely dependent on Him to make a beautiful sound out of my life. Like that faithful acoustic, may we resonate and glorify Him through our days.

Partnership.

2011-06-05T15:43:00.006-04:00

I just got back from Sunday brunch (Haitian style) with Robenson, Idelie and her fiancee, Divnel. Idelie, as you will remember, is the teacher for the mountain kids and she lives in Cabaret, so what better excuse than to go to Yolty's for lunch?! As we sipped on cold Sprite and feasted on poul (chicken) and cabrit (goat), I got an update on the progress of the kids, and prep for their final tests of the year. It's hard to believe that June is here and school's almost out for the summer! Idelie has done an amazing job this year and I am so grateful for her ministry and work with the children.

As a 'sequel' to the post I wrote about 'When Helping Hurts' a few weeks ago, I am excited to update you with the news that after connecting with Met Soufrann, the principal at the School of Hope, the kids will all be enrolled in classes here at the Mission next September! As we continue to collect birth certificates from the families and complete other enrollment papers, I am thrilled for the cooperation of the school leaders in helping these kids have a further chance at learning.

Over the past few weeks I have also been deeply encouraged by the partnership of the Compassion Team at the Church of Hope. Pastor Patris and Pastor Fonzie have been working with me to deliver soap, shoes and Bibles to the families, as well as spiritual mentoring. What a privilege it has been for me to work alongside these sustainable church leaders! It's truly an answer to prayer.

I also have to take a minute to brag on Robenson because he is pretty awesome. Any typical guy in grade 10 wouldn't take much time out of his schedule to tromp out into the hills, but Robenson has never turned me down once. Ever since his older brother (who once was my interpreter) left for school in the Dominican, he's been my sidekick and a wonderful blessing to the families and to me. He encourages the kids in their schoolwork and shows respect and care for the parents. In our past visit, Robenson reminded the mothers about the continual spread of cholera (due to the rainy season), and the importance of purifying water and washing hands of the children. He takes initiative and uses his deeper understanding of village life to encourage and equip the families in their daily lives. This summer, he will partner with Idelie and continue some shorter tutorial classes in preparation for the children starting school this fall, as well as lead bible studies for the families.

As we look ahead, more possibilities are shaping up as the children join the summer camp happening at the Church of Hope, and plans for homes being built for them in SourceMatelas. Thank you for your partnership in this journey and continuing to keep these families, as well as all of those I've mentioned in your prayers. I can't wait to update you more in person in a few weeks!

Beachin' it 3cords style!

2011-05-31T12:01:00.007-04:00

3 Cords is a major buzz word around Mission of Hope. When teams arrive, it doesn't take long for them to find the table and start claiming the handmade accessories that our 8 wonderful Haitian ladies make each day. The Lord has blessed this ministry abundantly. Over the past year, it had grown exponentially in employees, production, quality, new trends and of course, followers. This summer, a new building will be going up to accommodate more employees and fill the large orders that are coming in from teams that visit, as well as other churches and organizations that are jumping on board.

But more than just the budgeting and long term goals, 3 Cords is making an amazing difference in the lives of the women who are a part of it. In Haiti, finding a good job can be very difficult, and what makes it even more difficult is having a disability. Without 3 Cords, these ladies would likely never work outside of their homes. With a stable income, they can support themselves, and as we have found through various visits to their homes, support their families and extended families.

Not only that, but these ladies have had a chance to form relationships with one another, and build wonderful friendships through a mutual understanding of some of the trauma and pain they have experienced in the past. What a blessing it has been for me as well, to get to know these ladies and see the beauty that shines out from their lives. Below is a picture of me with Sencia, who just began her work with 3 Cords a few months ago. Like each one of these women, she has a miraculous testimony.

This past Monday, along with Diana Cherry, Brianna and Abby, we celebrated God's goodness and fellowship with one another at the beach! It was a super fun day and full of laughs as the ladies eagerly splashed about in the ocean, and laid back by the poolside. Iverie (one of the 3 Cords ladies' baby girl) also joined us for the fun, and we made sure she was outfitted in 3 Cord's style too!

The beach day was also a chance to celebrate Diana Cherry (pictured with Janiz below).

Diana's passion for amputees is what first began the 3 Cords ministry last summer, and we are so grateful for all her hard work and leadership of this program. She's been more than just a director or boss, she's been a mentor and friend to each of the ladies, empowering and inspiring them to live their lives to the full as Jesus intended. Her and her husband Jay have been a part of our staff since the spring of 2010, and they have been a huge blessing to us and the Haitian counterparts they work alongside. We support them as they return back to the States this week to pursue further training and education in their gifted areas, but we will miss them ANPIL (which translates to A LOT)!!!

As more transitions continue in the weeks ahead, please continue to pray for 3 Cords. With the craft lab expansion, there will be more ladies hired and exciting changes in the wings, including Brianna, who has just recently come on staff with Mission of Hope, who will be taking over Diana's position. Pray that the ladies will continue to thrive together in their work environment and that the theme verse from Ecclesiastes 4:12 would be fulfilled. I look forward to my involvement in 3 Cords in the year ahead and for the friendships new and old that will be fostered as we look ahead to all that is in store. To God be the glory!

Beautiful things.

2011-05-25T20:43:00.004-04:00

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

This song, Beautiful things by Gungor, has been my soundtrack song this week.

The more I listen, the more I recount so many beautiful things to celebrate...

Like Doulie, the little boy in the mountains who led the way down to the coconut tree in crutches. He lost one of his legs in the earthquake, but he kept a quicker, more-surefooted pace than I. When his friends started up a improv game of soccer, he played along with the same vigor and enthusiasm.

Like Micayelle, the 2-year old daughter of my mountain friends. Sitting under the cactus tree, she picked out the seeds one by one from the watermelon slice on her mom's lap and placed them in the tin bucket for her dad to plant in his gardens.

Like the bougainvillea flowers, that spill over the gate and never cease to bloom brighter.

Like baby Pierre, who grins, babbles and lifts his little hand to wave back to whomever entertains his vision.

Like my students, who are dedicated to their work amidst the hot temperatures, and who never pass up a challenge to chase mice out of the classroom when I chicken out.

Like the encouragement and prayers that have been generously bestowed upon me through the letters and cards that have been sent from loved ones back home. I took some time to look back and read some of the messages this week. What a blessing it is to serve together as the body of Christ.

Indeed, You make beautiful things.

Finding my feet again.

2011-05-20T19:44:00.000-04:00

I've been dreading this week for months.

It's the one that my cheri, Sarah Parsons, packed her bags and headed home.

She was my confidant, my comic relief, and when I needed it, a kick in my pants.

When Sarah first arrived as an intern in summer 2009, I didn't know how much I needed her. I had been in countdown mode for weeks before she graced the presence of Mission of Hope, and the more I got to know her, the less I thought about going home. A year later, she returned to Haiti as the medical team coordinator and became my first-ever roommate. Over the past 11 months in this quaint little apartment, we've shared toothpaste, a king bed, and the deepest corners of our hearts, to name a few.

Sarah did more than just pull off an 8-3 work week. She was on call 24/7 for team emergencies, running ambulance transfers that lasted into the wee hours of the morning, and managing the staff in car wrecks and emergencies that were brought to our gate rain or shine. Ask anyone in Haiti and they would agree, this girl worked her tail off.

Sarah taught me that life is more about character than circumstance. She dealt with devastation that would have made me keel over and surrender, but she just kept going. She never pitied herself or gave excuses. She served at the clinic with her whole heart, and when a week of no medical teams opened up, she was the one jumping on the bus with the team for the day to paint houses in the heat. She always kept her chin up.

Between the people managing (and believe me we get all kinds over here!), suturing wounds and mass cholera relief work, she never lost her spunk. Hence the photo (this is just after she pounded some candy canes with a hammer for our cheesecake topping).

She's been by my side through ceiling leakages, hurricane threats, election turmoil, and pulling me out of bed when the rats broke in. We danced sun up to sun down, we harmonied to her smorgasbord of genres, we laughed for hours over Culligan water gallons and our misusage of Creole, we sipped hot chocolate in the Haitian heat, and we vented and cried and asked the hard questions up and down the mission hill.

This apartment has a huge sense of unfamiliarity to it since she's been gone. The smell of coffee no longer wakes me up in the morning, and her presence in the quietness of another day ending isn't a vibe I'm excited about. In many ways, I'm finding my feet again, as Denison Witmer sings.

But as soon as I begin to feel sorry for myself, I recount the memories that make me giggle and the blessing of having such a wonderful season of life. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

May you continue to walk in the light of hope and joy, my dear Cheri.

Go now in the love of your God.

Target practice!

2011-05-13T13:28:00.007-04:00

BB gunning has been the latest fad for my students these days. Every recess they race to their houses to strap on armour and weaponry, returning to school half an hour later with rosy cheeks and sweaty t-shirts. The other day I couldn't resist snapping a picture of them outfitted in their battle gear. They go all out.

This morning the vanderMarks were at the beach with some friends, so I got a taste of next year with my 3 boys - Zach, Noah and Caleb. I've realized quite quickly that my default mode of working with primaries (teaching letters and numbers and how to tie your shoes), isn't going to fly like it has in previous years. I'm targeting a very different kind of audience, which will have it's share of challenges and stretch me often farther than I think I'm capable. But if it's anything like today, it will also be full of fun and lots more learning on my part - like how to fill a water balloon without it exploding, which constellations you can see most clearly from the balcony and the names and types of reptiles, rodents and insects around our mission. This is only the beginning!

After devotions this morning, I let the boys take the reins and it wasn't long until we were drawing targets (mine a picture of a giant rat), and the boys were showing me the ropes on how to aim and fire with their air-soft guns.

Later, Noah and I faced off against Caleb and Zach on the playground. I felt like Jack Bauer dashing to and fro avoiding bullets and hiding out under the slide. It wasn't long before my 5 lives clocked out - I have the welts to prove it. But I can see now why they play it everyday.

A BB gun would probably be one of the most unlikely things that I would put on a shopping list for when I'm back in Canada, and yet after today, it's right up there with intensive hair conditioner and gel pens.

Looking forward to all that next year has in store... for me and for them!

When Helping Hurts

2011-05-09T18:23:00.003-04:00

In a previous blog post I mentioned that as a staff we are studying a book called 'When Helping Hurts' by Steve Corbitt and Brian Fikkert. Don't let the title fool you like it did me. When I read 'When Helping Hurts', I anticipated that I would be reading about how to stay strong as a foreigner in this country, and prevent myself from becoming burned out in the daily grind of ministry here. Humbly, I admit that this assumption exposes my tendency to take rather than to give. What I realized quite quickly when I opened the book was that it was not at all about me. It was about the people I was helping, and how my perceived methods of assistance could in fact be hindering.

Chapter by chapter, it's exposed a lot of my North American tendencies. Mindsets of power and wisdom based on wealth or education. The idea that I am capable of 'fixing' poverty. That one life at a time, with the resources that have been bestowed upon me, I can repair the brokenness around me.

It's been a real accountability check - a chance to reflect and evaluate how I have acted upon the needs I have seen and addressed. It's dispelled myths about efficiency and impact of mass giveaways with no relational attachment. If we want lasting change, we can't just cover wounds with a band aid, we first have to diagnose the problem and then take steps toward full healing. By assuming needs and solutions for others, especially in a different culture, we aren't doing them any favours.

It's been great to take time in our staff meetings, discussing these ideas and how we as a staff are continuing out the vision of life transformation through Jesus Christ. We have had and continue to be deliberate about investing a lot of time and energy into the people we care about here. But when you're working with people, results are never guaranteed, nor are they immediate, which makes it harder than we'd choose sometimes. Words like sustainability, empowerment, and long-term results have come up a lot, and I have caused me to reflect a lot on my relationships here, especially with the mountain families.

I've asked myself a lot of questions: How am I impacting this family long-term? Is there sustainability? In what ways are they being empowered?

These are hard questions with hard solutions, and like we have emphasized in our staff meetings, they cannot be answered alone.

I don't want to focus solely on the negatives. There have been a lot of progressions since my first connections with the families. In my visits over the few years I've known them, I see evidence that there has been change for the good. The sand filter still has a prominent place in their living area, giving them clean water to drink. Baby Fania and Micaielle are no longer babies wrapped in swaddling cloths, but busy toddlers with precious personalities. In my most recent visit, I smiled to myself when I saw crayon markings of the alphabet and numbers from 1-10 written on the outside of their shelter. Indeed, good change is happening.

And yet in the same breath, I am aware of many other areas where I need to be a vessel of empowerment rather than dependency. As we move into a new season of planting and harvesting fields, enrolling their kids in school, and planning out where homes should be built, I know I cannot do it alone. I need the Lord to pave the way ahead, provide understanding beyond the language barrier, and bring alongside others to give the families wise counsel.

This afternoon I met with the Patris, who is the pastor of the Church of Hope, as well as Met Soufrann, who is the principal for the School of Hope. Both conversations went better than I expected and give me hope that more good things are on the horizon for these families. Thank you for partnering in prayer and support along with me in the past and in the days to come. That I would have wisdom in knowing how to communicate and continue to deepen my roots with the families. That I may not have feelings of superiority towards them, but that I would be reminded that no matter what culture, country or family history I've come from, the earth I live on is broken, and that means I am too. I am in desperate need of love and grace, and the true source of that is our Saviour. Together with His love we can build each other up and bring His kingdom to earth.

Starting again.

2011-04-29T20:21:00.000-04:00

I’ve come to know April as ‘decision month’ over the past couple of years. A month to look backwards and forwards and search out where to put new or more roots down. I am excited to share with you all this evening that after much prayer, conversation and journalling, I will be returning to Haiti to teach the 2011-2010 school year!

After being in this boat of decision 3 times before, you would think it would get easier, but it hasn’t. In many ways, remaining in Haiti next year feels like starting again. Even though I know what my teaching job will look like, even though I am settled in my apartment, even though I have Haitian friends and am growing more comfortable with speaking Creole, there are a lot of changes that are unfolding.

For starters, I’ve lived with one of my best friends for the past 10 months here, and she will be returning back to the States in 3 weeks - I’m still in denial. Many other staff on our mission are changing location as well, which is undoubtedly going to create a different kind of community here on the staff side. New families and individuals are also coming on board which brings enthusiasm to positions and programs, but it’s still a new kind of groove to shift into.

When I think about losing my roommate, saying goodbye to the vanderMarks and their kids, or being faraway from some of the bottom-floor residents when they move away, I feel sad and alone. I wonder if it would be easier to leave along with them. I worry that all of these new dynamics, as good as they are, will drown me because of my fixation on what it ‘used to be’.

As I’ve been wrestling with these fears and uncertainties, I stumbled across Philippians 4:12-13 and as it always seems to be, the exact words I needed jumped right off the page.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

I am thankful for the reminder from Paul that the Lord’s strength never falters whether the storm clouds are thick or the sun is shining. He is in Haiti when the flowers are blooming and the fields are lush and green, just as much as He is here in the dry desert heat. He takes me up the mountain and back down again to draw me closer to who He is. And because He is here with me, drawing me closer, I can believe in His goodness, His constancy and His strength in me. I need not be afraid of what I can or cannot see.

I am so thankful for this reminder, and also for all of you who have been praying me through during this time. I have felt them so evidently, and I feel blessed beyond measure for the support that you have faithfully shown. I’m excited for all that’s to come in this new year and the possibilities that will unfold. Thank you Jesus and all of you who are behind me, spurring me on to start again.

Easter.

2011-04-21T17:25:00.003-04:00

Growing up in a Christian home, I have many memories of Bible storytellers from camps, Sunday school and Pioneer girls. There were many impacting moments throughout those growing years, but every Easter season one specific memory comes to mind.

It was in the Sunday school program at Wainfleet BIC during our Easter weekend. After the story of Jesus' crucifixion, the storyteller prayed before we were dismissed into our classrooms and I remember like it was yesterday as she broke down into tears. Tears of repentance and gratitude spilled over. The room sat in silence as she regained her composure, and something inside me switched. I was startled that this story that was told time and time again could have such significance. I wasn't old enough to fully understand the meaning, and yet it struck a chord with me that this sweet lady was affected so deeply. It was something that I was drawn to.

I've never forgotten that moment, and as we merge into a new season of Easter this weekend, the memory once again takes up residence at the forefront of my mind. Times have changed, and now I have a classroom of my own - a collection of amazing kids I get to call my own. It is my deepest prayer this Easter weekend that they would embrace the true meaning of the story. That the message of hope would be evident and new revelations could be understood. The way the Father gave up His Son for the sake of love. The way that Jesus paid the ultimate price so that we may live in freedom and victory over a broken world.

Since Christmas, the kids and I have been working through the gospel of Luke - reading a passage each morning in devotions - and we're in the final chapters just in time for Easter. It's been a great journey for all of us, and my hope is that the words we study would remain on our hearts both now and always.

Please pray along with me that the kids will catch a fresh glimpse of the reason we celebrate Easter, the suffering Jesus went through on our behalf, and the hope we celebrate. May I fade into the background and may He be lifted up.

Class band.

2011-04-15T19:07:00.004-04:00

In the past 3 years of teaching, I've tackled some scary subject units.

British history (eek!), metric conversions (sometimes I still have to check with the back of the textbook for verification), French verb conjugation (high school was a long time ago), long division (thank goodness my kids are sharp!), and punctuation and grammar rules (why does the English language have to be so messy!?) to name a few.

But never, ever up to this point have I attempted such a daunting endeavor as... A class band.

You may be surprised, as there are few things I love more than music. But please keep in mind that loving music and TEACHING music are two very different things.

This year however, I've decided to give it a go. As soon as I mentioned it after devotions one morning, my kids were all in - pulling out their instruments from home, ranging all the way from electric guitar amps to harmonicas.

Fortunately, my mom was here to get the ball rolling when she was visiting a few weeks ago. She taught Zach, Noah and Caleb as if her guitar teaching days in London were only yesterday. They tuned their strings, got a feel for a few basic strumming patterns, and then we moved into chords. Since she left and Grayden has returned from vacation, the boys have acquired a solid base of chords and have been jamming out to 'Wavin' Flag', 'Awesome God' and 'Lions' (by Lost and Found).

In the meantime, Ana and Mina have been learning the ropes of playing the recorder (which might I add was one of the best finds I've ever made at the dollar store!). We've nailed out the notes for the 'Here I am to Worship' chorus, with the girls doing the harmony and me holding down the melody (what a sight!). Unfortunately, their little fingers put them at a disadvantage when covering the air holes, which results in frequent high-pitched reverberations, but they don't give up easily. It's currently 6:23pm on Friday night and I can hear them practicing on the porch downstairs. Bless their hearts.

Lastly, we have Bridgely, who initially I had thought could join in with the girls and I in our 'winds section', or learn some basic rhythm patterns on the bongo to compliment our band with percussion. He had some other ideas. This past Christmas, he received a harmonica and sheet music accompaniment, and when I gave him a choice between drums and recorders, he asked to give the harmonica a go instead. Initially I hesitated because I've never even attempted playing the harmonica in my life. I could see in his eyes he was really hoping I would agree, so I resolved that enthusiasm was enough to give it a fair shot. After testing it out a bit myself in the corners of quietness, I wrote down a few patterns on a post-it note and left him to it. I quickly discovered that he's a natural.

All of this to say that even though class band is as chaotic and headache prone as I imagined, it's been such a thrill for me to see my kids take the little I know and run far beyond with the natural talents and determination they possess.

I still spin from one instrument cluster to the next, each producing their own flavour of harmonies. I write out notes and numbers. I clap out rhythms. I count them in. I review finger positions. I raise my voice to be heard above the noise. I start over again. I am very well aware that I am in over my head. But I'm learning that it's okay.

A few days ago while practicing with Ana and Mina, I made a complete fool of myself as I demonstrated the melody and totally messed up the notes. The girls still looked at me like a world-class orchestra conductor. When I moved to the porch where the boys were jamming, they nodded their heads to the rhythm that I played out as if I had years of experience to my name. They may or may not know that I still can't play the B minor chord properly, and I never use a capo because I don't know how it works. They could care less.

Then I move over to Bridgely working faithfully on the harmonica. He can play way better than I ever had, and when I start gushing, Caleb remembers that he's got a harmonica laying around in his room upstairs and decides to get it. Before I know it, Bridgely's teaching him the ropes and they've got their own thing going.

My kids are getting good and clearly it's by no merit to me. And even better, we're learning more than just music notes. We're learning about each other. We're learning about the talents God has given us. We're learning how practice pays off. We're learning that it's okay to laugh. We're learning that it's not only the the sounds we make that can blend and harmonize and benefit each other, but our unique personalities and abilities.

Like when Mina builds so much air pressure blowing her recorder that it comes out her other end and we all bust a gut laughing. When the school day ends and the boys remain in the classroom jamming with each other and playing 'Smoke on the Water' from the low base to the highest pitched string. When Bridgely nudges my jot notes on a post-it closer to Caleb and they play together.

It doesn't matter that I'm not a professional. It doesn't matter that I've never done this before. It doesn't matter that we don't have brass and keys and electrical equipment to put on a professional show. The audiences we perform for will no doubt be enthralled, and the Lord will smile at our joyful noise.

Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth:

make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.
~ Psalm 98:4

New normals.

2011-04-06T16:35:00.005-04:00

I remember the exact setting when I met Laurens and Cheryl for the very first time. We sat at a corner table in Gateway Niagara and they told me their plans of moving their family of 5 to Haiti for a year or more depending on the Lord's leading. I remember a second meeting a year later, when they sat down with me again, this time on vintage red furniture in my Haitian apartment, and they told me their decision to stay another year. I remember months later the emotional talk I had with Cheryl when she told me their family's plans to adopt twins from Good Samaritan orphanage. I remember that same year another conversation about their plans to continue on staff.

Each one of these conversations brought surprise and searching. A new chapter opening. A collision of questions, fears, uncertainties and a quest for purpose that flooded my mind.

This past Saturday afternoon, I sat down with Laurens and Cheryl on their patio furniture with the Caribbean breeze blowing through and they told me their plans for the coming chapter. Please take time to check out their latest post here if you can. As you will read, the vanderMarks have felt the Lord calling them to return to Canada permanently this summer. As a staff, we are all supportive, but realize how much they will be dearly missed.

To be honest, there was always a tendency for me from the beginning to see myself as a package deal with the vanderMarks, even though they never imposed this position on me. As much as I always made a separate decision from them about my plans to stay or go, I often relied on them for direction (especially in the beginning years). This is partly why their pull toward moving back to Canada puts me at a crossroads. I feel like the ground underneath me has shifted and I don't really know which way is up anymore.

This uncomfortable junction feeling was becoming more and more foreign to me over the most recent months. I had established a good routine between school and other ministries, which has become relatively predictable and my sense of 'normal'. Haiti life wasn't very appealing to me at first, but the more miles I've covered on this track, the more comfortable I've become, and the more it has seized my heart.

I think I should know by now that this comfort zone I get in is an indicator of something new having to happen, and so as much as I know that it's good, it's also a difficult pill to swallow.

In my mind, Haiti is hard to picture without Laurens, Cheryl and their kids, because it's all I ever known. It causes me to question if I will stay in Haiti. It causes me to panic and wonder if God is dropping me off a cliff. It causes me to search for possibilities that haven't yet surfaced. I wonder if losing 4 students will still make my teaching role here necessary. I wonder if I will be leaving Mission of Hope for good this June. I wonder if this means I have to prepare to say goodbye to Haiti in a few short months. I wonder if moving back to Canada is my only option or if there is another place on this globe where I fit.

These are the very honest and painful questions that are spinning in my mind, none that I have the answers to. My determined brain does not want to be defeated in this, and keeps me up long hours sorting through variables and possibilities. The truth that I've known all along though, is that through the meetings with staffers and discernment of different options, my best and only hope in the matter is to simply pray and ask the Lord to guide me along as He always has. Once again, I appreciate your prayers in this season of waiting and discerning and leaning hard on the Lord's guidance in where and how I go from here. It is my prayer that the Lord would continue to shed light on my path one day at a time, and open and close the doors that come along so that I can have peace and clarity about what is next.

Words fail every time, but once again I thank you with my whole heart for staying with me on this journey of embracing hope. I cherish your support and look forward to what the Lord has in store for the new normals that await. Please be in prayer for the vanderMark family as they embark on a new chapter, and for many others living in Haiti during this season, who are searching out answers and nudgings from the Lord. May His whispers become shouts, and His gentle hand pull us through to the next chapter, whatever and wherever that may be.

Persevere.

2011-03-31T18:06:00.004-04:00

Lately I've felt a little like a marathon runner.

Looking back at my return in January, I feel so far from where I began, and yet the finish line is still so distant on the horizon. Over the past 2 years in Haiti, this second stretch was broken up by some kind of 'pull out' period. A time to gobble up fresh Caesar salad and sip a Java chip, which in combination with some sweet company is the best refuel anyone could ask for. I know many who have come before and after me have gone much longer, but for me to put my best forward, this week 'pause' has been the key.

Last week was March break and yesterday morning I waved goodbye to mom and dad who came for my break to experience Haiti with me. It was more than I ever dreamed it could be. We got to experience so many faces and places, and each day outdid the one before. Trekking through the mountains, lurching by pickup through downtown Port-au-Prince, soaking up beachside sunshine, and tasting the goodness of fresh market fruit is just the tip of the iceberg. Having them in 'my world' was such a dream come true, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

And yet as I look ahead to the summer, the road ahead seems long and intimidating. 3 months flips between a threat and a breeze. Even as the days fly by faster than I can grasp, June feels dauntingly faraway, and there's so much to do before I can get there.

Hanging above my desk in the classroom there is a banner that flashes the word 'Persevere' in bright yellow lettering. It's a topic I emphasize to my kids frequently - a theme that I want them to understand and grab hold of not just in their schoolwork, but in their faith and the way that they live it out day by day.

It's in these past few days that I've realized that it's not just something that I have to teach, but to practice. Unfortunately, the latter isn't as easy, hence the blog and plea for prayer. The long road ahead isn't something that I should dwell on, but I do. It's like a funk of complacency and I don't like it one bit. My feet drag and excuses come easier.

Tonight I took a walk with the wind, and as I breathed in the island air, I whispered prayers of peace and perseverance in the days to come. That just as I urge my kids, instead of slowing my pace, that I could sprint and seize every moment for what it's made for. I want to believe that these coming weeks are the best ones. That the road ahead is full of goodness and my roots will grow deeper than ever before. That I will look back and testify the Lord's strength that enabled and sustained me.

Thank you for praying along with me that despite the tiredness in my heart, I would be inwardly renewed and find fresh joy in the daily grind. A daily grind that includes 7 children who challenge and fill my days with purpose, friends that bring laughter and love into my life, and a landscape out my window that brings me wonder and perspective. May I be fixed on these blessings in the days ahead, and may I persevere knowing that I'm not alone.

Meet the parents.

2011-03-21T13:11:00.002-04:00

I have said goodbye to my parents in an airport 7 times over the past 3 years. After we let go, they stand back and watch the security line take me deeper into the terminal until I'm out of sight. Another goodbye, another chapter.

In year one, they heard me cry over a choppy skype signal from homesickness, and they read my stories of joy about riding tap taps and eating fried chicken. Year two, they listened to Jean Marc play guitar on my couch and prayed me through sleepless nights of aftershocks. Year three they watched Pierre's grin light up the video screen and tracked along with hurricane news and cholera crises.

They've been a part of the story from the beginning, from the first e-mail to weighing hockey bags, never failing to send care packages of decadent cookies with anyone from the Niagara region, and counseling me through every emotion under the sun.

I feel so blessed for parents who have faithfully supported me all this time.

We've waited a long time for this and tomorrow, it's their turn to come for a landing in Haiti.

Just the thought of spotting them across the crowd and watching the expressions on their faces in the many things we will experience over the next week leaves me pinching myself in disbelief.

I can't wait to show them my world. To introduce them face to face to the people who they have come to love from afar. To show them the places that have defined my time here on this island.

In my mind, it's as if this whole journey I'm on is a puzzle, and such a crucial piece will finally be put in place as they arrive. Haiti, meet the parents.

Here and Now.

2011-03-17T18:00:00.000-04:00

So, what's your plan?

Are you in Haiti for another year? Another decade? A lifetime?

I can't tell you how often I get these question from both long-time friends and new acquaintances alike.

And just for the record, I really don't know.

It's certainly a topic that flutters through my brain a lot more these days. Even though we're still in March, it seems like thoughts about the next chapter reside in the forefront of my mind. Not just thinking about years down the road, but months. What will I do in the fall? Where will I be? Will this cause mean this effect?

It's a constant spin of uncertainty and expectation. Part of the anticipation is exciting, while other times I feel just plain exhausted. So many variables leave me with far more questions than answers.

This week I came across a different perspective from the book 'Forgotten God' by Francis Chan. The title of the chapter was 'What is God's will for your life?' and it is dedicated to the age old question with a new twist. After all, everyone's searching for it, and even when we think we find it, we're still itching for more. I don't think I will ever outgrow the desire to know what's around the corner.... In where I want to be, in what I will be doing, and how I will be fulfilling the gifts God has given me.

I don't think it's wrong to take time to process long-term plans, however when it becomes the focus of our everyday lives, Francis writes that we aren't being productive with the time we have here and now.

I don't know about you, but I find that quite a staggering truth. When I reflected on it, I began to realize how many times I've neglected to fully seize opportunities and drink in blessings of a day or even a moment because I'm too caught up with my '5-year plan'. I yearn to put all my ducks in a row so that I can get from my point A to my point B. The problem is that when my head is in the clouds of unknowns, I'm missing what is sitting right in front of my nose.

I can't deny that the days ahead hold lots of questions and decisions. Whether I'll be back in Haiti, or in Canada, or somewhere else on the globe is yet to be determined, and that can be a daunting thing. I appreciate your prayers for not just me, but many of us at the mission who are waiting on the Lord for what He has in store for our lives as we look ahead. And yet as we wait on His leading, that we would use these days to serve and pour out day by day, not be bogged down by the questions and lack of answers.

Let's face it, life has and always will be out of my control, but somehow I let my preparatory nature get the best of me. I assume that I've got decades left in my life to live, but not even that is guaranteed. Today is all I have.

I want to claim the truth that the Lord has the bigger picture, but He reveals it to me simply by shedding light on the feet on my path, not a million miles down the road.

My prayer is that in the days to come, I will be aware of His voice and nudging as He ordains the interactions I have with people around me both friends and strangers alike. I pray that I could plug into His plans for my life daily, not what may or may not come years down the road. Most of all, I pray that I would live in the mindset that these are the moments I was made for. May I seize them for all they're worth.

Jars of clay.

2011-03-15T13:24:00.003-04:00

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

~ 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18

I've been reminded in several ways this week that we indeed are jars of clay. These are the words that I am holding onto today - for me, and for the ones who need it most.

Mountain fam update!

2011-03-12T18:28:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I went for a mountain walk with my buddy, Peterson.

He's one of the 6 Louisant kids that lives on the mountain property next to the mission. As I stumbled along the goat path hand in hand with this 4 year old bundle of energy, I realized how long it's been since I've given an update on him and his family.

Currently, the 4 oldest Louisant kids attend school with their neighbour friends (3 from the Ferdinand family) in Source Matelas with a teacher that I was connected with earlier in the fall. I meet with the teacher every 2 weeks or so and I am thrilled with the progress they are making. Their uniforms are still worn faithfully to school on the porch of the teacher's family each weekday morning, and I recently got to see their mid-term reports from the past term. I was so excited to look through each subject and area of learning they have covered so far. Even though it's very basic compared to what they would be learning based on their different ages, it's a great foundation of knowledge that they are establishing.

I see the children and their mothers at church on Sundays and occasionally see their fathers during mountain visits after their time working in the fields growing crops. This time of year the land is very dry from a lack of rain, and so it is harder for them to get by simply on the things they harvest. Recently I learned that the workers involved in the university being built close by their property has given the fathers some land work to do which supplies them with a small income.

The shelters they live in still consist of tents and tarps, along with sticks and other materials they have accumulated over the years, but a new page is soon turning! Over the past few months at the mission, John (the father of my students, Noah and Caleb) has been overseeing the '500 Homes' project where building is happening for families who lost their homes in the earthquake and hurricane flooding. Find out more info about this on the MOH website.

Along with many other families who will be receiving homes, the mountain families are both on the list, which is such an answer to prayer! In the coming weeks and months, more decisions will be made as to when they will be moving and other commitments connected to this project.

It's amazing to look back to my first meeting with them about a year and a half ago, and see how the Lord has been working in their lives. Thinking about changes that will be taking place in the coming weeks, I have much to be thankful for, but also much to pray about.

Recently in our weekly staff meetings, Brad has initiated a group study of the book 'When Helping Hurts' by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert. Taking time to read the text has been a good reality check for me to evaluate in what ways I have been a benefit to this family, and also ways that I have unknowingly hindered them. Above all, as I continue to nurture my relationship with the children and their parents, my ultimate goal is to empower them and assist them in being self-sufficient and strong witnesses for the Lord's provision in their lives. However, when I go to visit them at their homes and am asked to make decisions or faced with potential conflicts, I can easily resort to a quick fix rather than a lasting result. My prayer is that as I continue to invest in my friendship with these dear people, that I would have wisdom and discernment in how to effectively use the blessings I've been given to bless them. That I wouldn't create dependency, but that I would create opportunities for growth and abundance in the days ahead.

Thank you all for your journeying with me in my involvements with these families. Stay tuned for all that is to come, and please pray for them and for me as exciting changes unfold in the days ahead!

Oh baby.

2011-03-02T15:52:00.005-05:00

Monday was a rough day. Our buddy Pierre was rushed to the clinic unable to breathe, and it was a scary few hours from the accounts of those in the emergency room. The poor little guy's immune deficiency and lack of muscle makes him susceptible to a lot of respiratory infections and without the nurses, doctors and resources that were available just down the hill, we would have lost him.

This hasn't been the first scare with Pierre. Please continue to keep him in your prayers in the months to come that he would get the proper paperwork and acceptance back in the States to receive more special treatment that can't be done here in Haiti. In the meantime, praise the Lord for the committed staff at the Clinic of Hope!

A few times a week, the kids and I have prayed for Pierre and his condition, so before school ended this afternoon, we took a walk down to the baby house to see him and his buddies, Hannah and Jeremiah, Matthew and Angelie.

These babies are one of the most charismatic bunches I have ever interacted with. I think it's physically impossible to step on the porch without breaking a smile. While the Haitian radio plays, they waddle around and look at you with the most endearing puppy eyes. Random screams and squeals echo in the pink cement house they call home, and they never cease to put on the pounds. It's hard to believe these same vivacious babies were the ones who were hours from death, or abandoned on a wooden bench. In the world's eyes, their time was up, and yet the Lord didn't let them go because He had a better plan. They may not know it yet, but they are testifying a beautiful story of redemption and hope. Their lives were never an accident no matter what family situation were born into, and even now the purpose of their presence is evident to all of us who are blessed to know them... From the way they baby talk our names, to their sleepy heads on our shoulder.

It's a comfort and a wonder to know that their heavenly Father loves them more than any of us here claim to. May He have His way in their lives one precious new day at a time.

The rat strikes back.

2011-02-27T16:58:00.004-05:00

'Diana, get your Keens on.'

This statement is never a good sign after 10pm.

A sticky trap scuffle. A sleeping sister. A beaming headlamp. A wooden broomstick. My helpless pose on the couch as Sarah summoned Jay and John to the rescue. It's not a night I will quickly forget.

It ended in a bloody battle. One that I relive each time I step out the door, but I'll let the picture do the talking.

Once again, thanks to a roommate who snaps into action and some handy neighbours, the story ends happy and we all went to sleep before midnight. I like to think that I was the victim, but in the end, the rat took the title.

The speck.

2011-02-21T14:31:00.002-05:00

I just spent the last 15 minutes digging into the crevice of my big toe. Let me explain.

Yesterday afternoon I took a walk before the sun went down, and found myself weaving through thorn bushes that grow bountifully through the dry mountain soil.

It's not the first time one of those thorns has trekked home with me, and yesterday was no different. Every time I stepped a certain way on my return home, the pain shot through my foot and eventually I had to sit down in the dirt and squeeze it out with my fingernails.

The initial discomfort was gone so I didn't think a thing of it until just this afternoon as I was walking barefoot around my apartment.

About every 5th step or so, that similar sharp prick made itself known and I found myself limping around my kitchen in order to avoid the discomfort. Before long I retrieved a sewing needle and studied the underside of my foot. I couldn't see a thing, but when I put pressure on the sore spot I knew that I hadn't fully removed the thorn the day before.

After a little poking under the calloused part of my toe, there appeared a brown speck of a thorn wedged into my skin. When I extracted it, the tiny sliver was lost from my fingers before I could even get it in the garbage. So now, besides that fact that you all think I'm a wimp, let me get on to the point of the post.

The thought of such a miniscule speck interfering with my comfort and ability to walk made me think more about the other specks that dig into my mind and throw my peace and initiative way off. There are so many petty things, discouraging regrets, or pointless concerns that crowd my mind on a daily basis. Insignificant as they are, they affect me just like the speck. They cause me to limp around and concentrate on my discomfort rather than what joys and blessings surround me. And the longer they stay, the more infectious and painful they become.

I need to be more deliberate of taking out the 'needle' of truth and extracting these specks of doubt and lies from my heart. It's not enough to ignore or pull out just a part... sometimes it means even getting out the peroxide to fully heal. I can testify how little specks weasel their way to the forefront and cloud my clarity and perspective, just as my whole body cried out for relief when I stepped the sore spot.

I am thankful today for the reminder of the pain and power of the speck, but mostly I'm thankful for the wonderful comfort and healing that can replace it.

Come to me all you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings and learn from me because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and in Me you will find rest for your lives.

~ Matthew 11:28-29

And then there were 7...

2011-02-16T16:31:00.000-05:00

In between fresh brewed coffee, paper airplanes, a mouse hole in the window screen, hot showers and dusty feet, this week has included some fun highlights in the school realm.

First off, I have a new grade 7 student!

Zach Malmstrom has joined our class as his family has moved to Haiti for the next year to serve at the Clinic of Hope. Rick (his dad) is a paramedic and will be taking over Grant's position, and Liz (his mom) is a nurse so she will be assisting with teams and other needs in the clinic. Zach's older brother Jake is also here doing his schooling through correspondence and assisting around the mission. We are excited as a staff to have their family join us here! Please follow them on their blog and keep them in your prayers as they transition into this new life with us.

Our week also kicked off with a sweet valentines day party with Bailey and the Johnson kids. For those of you who don't recognize those names, I'll do a brief summary. Brad and Vanessa Johnson who are the directors of the mission returned to Haiti in December for the remainder of their children's school year. They have 4 great kids - from youngest to oldest, JD and Georgie (both adopted from Haiti), and Beau and Jaima (their biological children). Bailey is their teacher and also a great friend of mine. It has been wonderful having them here this term!

So to commemorate their new classroom and Haitian school term, the kids and I headed up to their stomping ground and celebrated the day of LOVE with music, cookies, games and crafts! Here's a few snapshots of the day!

One of the games that was full of laughs... Pin the heart on the boyfriend - Ana's turn :)

Caleb pinning the heart on the girlfriend!

The girls making valentine crafts

Be our valentine?

Last but not least, (ps - this news is far more deserving of a post to itself, but I can't put this off any longer) I have great news that my year support has been fulfilled! Thank you to everyone who has partnered with me thus far and for your sacrifices in helping me serve here in Haiti! Once again I marvel at the generosity and blessings I have received from you all. It is truly a gift to my heart! Thank you for being my 'home team'.

Known.

2011-02-11T18:07:00.003-05:00

Peter Bradley Adams sings,

If I wander till I die, may I know whose hand I'm in.

Sometimes I feel like a wanderer.

I flounder around like a fish. My brain is scattered with a million random thoughts. I try to attach myself to something stable. All the time searching for an identity. Something to be known by. I want to be recognized and understood.

When my life becomes about being known I feel like I'm on one of those mouse wheels. Spinning and spinning, but never truly going anywhere. I strive to get in people's 'good books'. But what are the 'good books' anyways?

Lately I've been thinking about the concept of being known, and valued. How we as humans spend our whole lives on that fleeting purpose and no one ever really finds it. I was stumbling and stammering about the meaning of it all as I watched the sunset tonight, and the Lord gave me an important truth.

Life is not about being known.

Life is simply about knowing the One who knows me best.

Catching a glimpse of the love of the Father.

Understanding the grace of the Saviour.

Grasping the power of the Creator.

Resting in the freedom of the King.

It's like touching the tip of the iceberg and looking down to the endless depth of the ocean. God is totally unfathomable. We are a speck in the infinite universe. My small, simple mind can't even begin to comprehend all that our God is. It's not about us. Period. And yet, God is about relationship and wanting to be known by us, His people. Day by day and step by step, He gracefully reveals Himself in majestic ways.

All I have to do is stop the rat race. Take my mind off myself and my agenda to be known, and focus on who He is. May I be reminded to live - not to be known better, but to know the One who knows me better than anyone ever will. Live to know whose hand I'm in.

Oh that we may know the Lord, let us press on to know Him.

Then He will respond to us as surely as the sun rises, or the coming of rains in early spring.

Hosea 6:3

Never smelled sweeter.

2011-02-02T15:25:00.006-05:00

It started out as a musty smell in the corner.

Every once and a while when I would fill up my cup at the water dispenser I caught a whiff and I would remark to Sarah and our guests how something wasn't right.

As the days passed, the smell spread further out and Sarah and I did a full scour of the right hand corner of our apartment, where the scent first originated. We ruled out smelly sneakers, expired foods on our pantry shelf, and any other random odour we came across from items that had been lost months earlier. We concluded that either our fridge was radiating out toxic gas or we had a decomposing rodent in our midst. Both options were less than thrilling.

It wasn't until Cheryl came over yesterday at lunch that we uncovered the truth. She noticed the smell and it wasn't long until she was peering into the electrical outlet above our shoe mat and identifying what once was a... tail.

LOVELY.

Somehow - this is just another one of those 'only in Haiti' moments - a mouse had climbed up our wall and for some unforeseen reason wedged itself into the wall where our electrical outlet was. Maybe it was trying to hide from bully mice (there's been reports of mouse wars happening in our kitchen cupboards after dark), or maybe it just wanted a cozy bed. Needless to say, it didn't last long there - we all figured it got zapped and that was the end of it.

Now the task was disposal. Fortunately, time was on our side as Broc was on his lunch break and I snapped him straight into action. Sarah was on backup with the headlamp (you can always count on her to step up). We retrieved a screwdriver and I braced myself for the smell impact with my finger on the trigger of the air freshener. After pulling out what was left of the mouse, Broc scraped some more remains off the wires and took the dustpan of pure reek out of the house.

Our baffled faces turned into rejoicing when the mouse made it's final exit!

Thanks to a brother who fixes doorknobs, refills water gallons and even has the stamina to take out decomposing mouse. I am a lucky sister!

Today's goodbye wasn't welcomed (let's face it, they never are), but I am thankful for the 2 weeks of memories filled with waterfalls, sing-offs, mountain summits, and crazy Haitian mice.

This apartment has never smelled sweeter.

Uniforms!

2011-01-29T09:37:00.000-05:00

'But what about uniforms?'

This was one of the questions that was asked of me when I told the mountain kids that they would be starting school in October. It was kind of a surprising question to me at first. Personally, I never grew up wearing school uniforms so it had never crossed my mind.

In Haiti, it's a different story. School uniforms are mandatory for all national schools, or private schools for that matter. It's actually pretty neat because everywhere you go on a weekday, you can spot school kids in their colourful plaid shirts and tailored pants and skirts.

Unfortunately, because of the late start and lack of supplies we had to begin with, uniforms weren't the priority in my books. I did my best to assure the kids that they didn't have to have a uniform to go to school - a nice shirt and skirt or shorts would be perfectly acceptable. After all, they were only going to school in Source Matelas on the porch of the teacher's family, right? This seemed to satisfy the kids, but with the number of students around the island wearing their matching pressed button shirts and bottoms, I couldn't get it out of my head.

During my time at home this past Christmas, I was given a generous gift from some people who have been following along with the mountain family, and they asked me to put it towards something for them. It didn't take me long before I knew exactly what to use it for. After I returned back to Haiti in January, I was on a serious mission to outfit the kids for school.

As most things in Haiti are a little different from North America, I learned quickly that getting uniforms would be more of an ordeal than I thought. Definitely not a 'one-stop' shopping trip.

First, you have to pick your fabric... For one that is indecisive to begin with, this was no easy task. See why?

Next, you find your seamstress. Luckily, Robenson has connections.

Then, the kids get measured and the sewing begins...

A week after purchasing the material, I got word that the outfits were completed and the kids had their very own uniforms. Visiting them this past week was such a treat to see them sporting their new 'school colours'. It's thrilling to see them all decked out!

Through this whole experience, I have been reminded again how blessed I am to have such a vast support system of people around me, both on the island and across North America. None of my connections with these children and their families would even be possible without the partnership we all share. It's a picture of the body of Christ, and a testimony of the Lord's goodness. Thank you for all of your encouragement and generosity that you have shown me and these beautiful people. I can't wait to see what else He has in store.

Canada day!

2011-01-19T14:41:00.002-05:00

We may not have fireworks or beavertails, but today in Haiti it's Canada day just the same.

In a few hours, 87 great white Northerners (or something like that), will be chugging up the mission hill commencing 2 weeks of Cocacola conversations, windy truck rides, mountain treks, saltwater swims, sweaty t-shirts, sore muscles, and a whole lot of memories!

I can't wait to see my family and the many others that are coming to serve this year!

It probably goes without saying, but I may be a little less faithful with my blog postings over the next little while (due to my apartment being nothing less than grand central station!), but please keep us all in your prayers as we come to mind, and I'll be back to my regular routine in no time.

Happy Canada day to one and all!

One year.

2011-01-12T17:26:00.000-05:00

Today I am at a loss for words.

From the desperate steps I took outside my door last year at 5pm, until my return home to Canada in July, I felt like I was in some sort of time capsule, separated from the rest of the world. Time was moving, but it seemed to drag and blur at the same time. A fog of uncertainty.

Flashbacks of a deafening rumble. Time standing still. Seconds lasting hours.

But the seconds turned into minutes, the minutes to hours, hours to days, weeks, months, and now, one year.

One year of mourning. One year of healing. One year of tents becoming cities. One year of new ideas and projects put in motion. One year of questions. One year of awareness. One year of people dropping everything to give or jump on a plane to help. One year of promises being claimed. One year of prayers and praise.

There were moments when I never thought that I would get this far. I can look back on moments where I froze - when I didn't want to have to go another day. But as my neighbour and friend Rachel put today, I'm so very thankful that I get see today.

This morning I had the chance to walk down the same familiar mission hill and worship with a congregation of beautifully broken people. Each one with the story that would make a front-page news headline for loss and trauma. As my steps got closer to the church, I prepared myself for mourning and grief. I expected to witness a nation re-living the pain of last years events. To see tears being shed for all that was lost. A day to linger in devastation. I was wrong.

Before entering the church, I could hear the music. Getting closer, I could see from a distance that people were standing outside the doors - standing room only. The church was bursting at the seams with people praising and worshipping and rejoicing in the love of their Saviour. There were bright smiles, hands raised and dancing.

Once again I was humbled and amazed at the beauty and strength that my Haitian brothers and sisters have testified to me. As the pastor spoke, we are living to give GLORY to God. Not to wallow in despair. What a challenge.

As I sit in my apartment, the songs of the people drift in my window. Another service is just beginning and I don't want to miss it.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers for the nation of Haiti both in the yesterdays, todays and tomorrows. May we continue to live to worship Him in this life, and may He soon lead His children to the promised land!

A sneak peak week (in colour)!

2011-01-10T10:37:00.005-05:00

Here's a set of snapshots from my past 7 days.

Tuesday : Back to the sunshine, sweat, summits and smiles. Happy new year Haiti!

Wednesday : Pierre!!! After weeks in the hospital, he's back at the Hope House and awaiting further treatment. Please keep him in your prayers and I'll update again soon. For now, praise the Lord he's still grinning!

Thursday : Market Day! So many colours, so little time... Picking out fabrics for the mountain kids' new school uniforms! I'll be sure to post pictures when they're done!

Friday : Sporting our shades! Mountain hike to see some of my favourite people.

Saturday : Sewing up a storm! Met with the tailor and delivered the fabric for the uniforms.

Sunday : Girls just wanna have fun. Hot chocolate and chocolate mud masques (Thanks Darcie!)

Monday: Sunrise service with my kids! I thought we'd 'ease' into the school year with a 6am wake up with the world. I didn't get the most enthused reactions at first, but the view and pancake breakfast redeemed any tired eyes.

2011 is off to a great start. Stay tuned for more about each picture in the weeks ahead!

Green slime.

2011-01-05T11:57:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I flew from the winter wonderland of Ontario back to the sun-soaked island of Haiti.

Upon boarding in Toronto, we were informed by the pilot that our plane would have to undergo a de-icing treatment before take-off. Now apparently (according to some Canadian veterans, haha) this is normal in Alberta during the fall and winter season, but it was the first time I have ever experienced a pre-flight spray down. Let me tell you, it's nothing like those automatic car washes at the gas station!

After misting and melting the snow, the robotic arms began to spew out this fluorescent green slime. Within minutes, the wings and jet fans were doused in the limey goop and we proceeded to the tarmac to take off. In line, I could see that the other planes had been given the same treatment. Somehow our slick coating was supposed to protect the wing machinery from freezing. When we reached the take-off strip and the turbos began to scream, I watched as we picked up speed and the goop on the wings rippled down the slope of the wing and sprayed off the ends. It left me wondering how many planes would spin out on our slimy leftovers.

But as my journey continued by air, I noticed that even though the majority of slime blew off during our first ascent, traces of green still were visible in some crevices of the wing. I smiled to myself when we landed in Haiti when I saw that same green goop still hanging on to the sides of our plane. Not that we needed it anymore, but it survived the trip.

It made me think more about my trips back and forth between my summer and winter homes... Even though I am brought into a new culture, climate and language, there are still traces of both countries that are visible in my life. Certain cues will trigger memories in Canada that are a part of my life in Haiti, and vice versa. No matter where I am, I carry pieces of both my Canadian life and Haitian life. Like the green slime on my plane, I have been marked.

As 2011 commences and I look ahead to the next 360 days, I am challenged by the symbol of my plane's spray down. I am so blessed by the times I have been doused in love and joy and beauty. The times when I am a recipient of generosity, or when God's word speaks to me and impacts me so powerfully.

But there are also dry times. Moments where I linger in regret or loneliness and I struggle to make sense of circumstance. It's in these moments that I pray that the traces of goodness still linger. That the closeness of the Lord would be apparent and I would hold on and trust.

And just as traces of people and places are marked on my life, I pray that I would leave evidence of love and reminders of peace in the lives of those around me. Thank you for your prayers for me in this coming year. Pray that I don't miss the divine moments that the Lord has in store, and that as I strive to share the love of Jesus, that I may be like the green slime that doesn't let go.

Better than a beach day.

2010-12-14T18:54:00.005-05:00

I never pass up a beach day. The white sand and clear blue water is pretty much impossible for me to resist. Okay, for anyone to resist.

Over the past 2 years, the kids and I have celebrated our last party of the year on the coast... What better way to celebrate falling snow and Christmas joy than in the sun? It's a tradition that I've been dedicated to maintain, but this year the odds have been against us. The chaotic government system during our current election has created blocked roadways and a lack of staff. This caused the parents and I to re-think our beach field trip and postpone until January.

So that left me with one last school day to fill... Opening stockings, a frozen t-shirt relay and cheesecake leftovers from last night's party were all on the agenda, but we were still lacking 'something'.

Yesterday on the way up the hill, God gave me an idea.

Because I had already reserved a vehicle, we had freedom to go somewhere off campus, just not far... Not far, but drive worthy. I know only one place that fits the description: Our mountain neighbours. And beyond that, what better way to celebrate Jesus' birthday than to give?

So this morning the kids and I jumped into the white van and headed out to spread some Christmas cheer!

First stop was the house in Sourcematelas where the kids go to school. We arrived just after they finished their exams and invited them to join us in the van on the journey to their home.

Upon our arrival, we walked to the clearing of their homes and the kids gave presents they had picked out from their own belongings. We did a tour of the families' dwelling places and then we started the tent construction. Fortunately Teagan is very skilled in tent assembly and the rest of the kids jumped right in. The mountain family kids and I stood back and they went to work.

Now let me just say that they may not be my 'biological' kids, but they might as well have been. Sheer pride!

It was a wish come true for me to see all of my 'kids' together. I also think it's safe to say that it may not have been penciled in on the kids' Christmas lists, but I believe a wish came true for them too. Sweat instead of saltwater, dirt instead of sand, but a whole lot of smiles just the same. For the record, giving is win-win.

And that is why today was better than a beach day.

God with us.

2010-12-10T14:57:00.000-05:00

The kids and I have been reading through the beginnings of the Gospels these past few mornings leading up to Christmas. It's a story that I've listened to a hundred times before, but this morning the words in Matthew spoke directly to my heart.

The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means "God with us". ~ Matthew 1:23

God.
All-powerful, all-creating, all-controlling. The One who holds the oceans in His hand. The One who paints the sunset. The One who knows the intricacies of every living thing. The One who saved the world.
This unfathomable wonder, b
rought down to the earth.
Tangible. Human. Alive. With us.

He came to save us. But first he walked, talked, laughed and cried. He came to demonstrate his love not just by dying for us, but by living with us. Modeling love, compassion and peace. He didn't just preach into a megaphone, He actively reached out to us, showing us we were made for more. He held the children. He went outside the city walls and healed the lepers. He sat and listened to the heart cries of the oppressed.

In the midst of Christmas festivities happening this December, the heart of our world is still breaking. Everywhere you look people are searching for peace. Some have given into loneliness. Some have lost all faith.
Insecurity and inadequacy trump trust and satisfaction. Every day I catch myself trying to 'fix' it. But how? Or rather, what exactly am I fixing? The list is never ending. We're longing for a cure for the pain or a rest from the wearisome track we're on. Each and every person strives for power or justice... or striving simply to be heard.

But the Bible promises that our God is WITH us. Assurance that we are seen. Assurance that we aren't alone. That means He hears us. He comforts us. He saves us.
His name alone, Immanuel, is the answer that every soul on this earth is looking for in the here and now. Just as he offered His presence to us in a humble stable that very first Christmas night, so His love permeates through the walls we put up, and saves each heart that is open to Him. The love He offers here and now is the best gift that could ever, has ever, and will ever be received.

What then shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ~Romans 8:31-32

May we all be reminded of the truth of these words this Christmas... Not only is God with us, He is FOR us. An assurance that can never be denied or declined. May the promise of His presence be evident to us not just today but until we see Him someday face to face.

Rat attack.

2010-12-03T13:12:00.004-05:00

I've watched them with disgust in the shadows of the tin roof rafters after dark.

I've heard stories of how Haitians play soccer with them in the warehouse because they are the size of footballs.

I've seen traces of evidence they've left behind in the guesthouse pantry - Chewed ends of my favourite cereal boxes.

But never. Never, did I anticipate the events of last night.

Rat intrusion.

10:14pm - I hadn't been asleep long. I was awoken to Sarah whispering in panic that she had just witnessed a rat enter our bedroom. To be more specific, it was under my bed. She flicked on the light and I squinted in despair. How it got into our apartment was beyond our comprehension, but it wasn't the priority at the moment. The current crisis was that it was scampering around the edges of the room and dashing into the darkness of our back closet. We needed to get it out, at least that's what Sarah said.

10:17pm - All I wanted to do was lay my head back on the pillow and pretend it was a dream (blame it on the kickboxing), but Sarah insisted that we find a way to chase the rat back to wherever it belonged, just NOT behind the washing machine where it was currently hiding. Her and Ben were in full gear with mops and brooms and Sarah instructed me to put on my Keens. I obliged.

10:20pm - The three of us looked at each other not sure what to do next. I knew I was completely helpless in the situation and I made sure they knew it. After a quick pep talk from Sarah, Ben strapped on his headlamp and proclaimed 'I'M GOING IN!'. Sarah and I watched feverishly as he got on top of the washing machine and with the blunt end of the broom tried to scare the rat out of it's hiding. I think I was telling him to stab it, but everything is blurring together.

10:24pm - Ben's broom taunting was working. He told us to get ready for it, which meant me sinking farther back towards the safety of my bed. Sure enough, the rat shot out from the closet, through the path we had laid out for it, and back into the kitchen. I started jumping up and down in victory, but the task wasn't finished yet. Now Sarah was in play with her mop on guard. Her and Ben talked strategy. I made myself useful by building a barricade between the open doorway between the kitchen and bedroom so it couldn't go back to the closet. And then I stood on the safe side and watched.

10:30pm - Sarah opened the screen giving the rat a free getaway. We were almost there... The rat skittered this way and that under the cupboards, back towards the fridge and then under the pantry shelf. The broom and mop were flying.

10:33pm - The rat took one final dash out of the protection of the shadows and zipped right out of the front door. I let out a cheer and then remembered that my students were sleeping next door. Immediately we shut the screen and sealed the main wooden door tight. Where it ran to and what it did next didn't matter anymore. As long as it was on the outside looking in.

10:38pm - I made my way back to bed, adrenaline still pumping. I laid in silence thinking about the horrible outcome of what would have awaited us in the morning had we permitted that nasty creature to stay the night. Never in a million years would I have had the courage to smoke it out like my friends had, but how thankful I was to have them around.

Authors Note: Reliving all of the emotions, instructions and behaviours of last night was quite humourous for me to write... Certainly an 'only in Haiti' event to be remembered. I think my ability to write in 'comic relief' means the terror of the rat is wearing off a little, but I am letting this statement stand: Bring on the lizards and cockroaches, but here's hoping that we never, ever, EVER have to deal with anything like that again.

Something beautiful.

2010-11-29T20:25:00.002-05:00

We're all searching for it in one way or another - Beauty that captivates us. Beauty that lasts. Beauty that somehow redeems the struggles we face.

Whether we find it in ourselves or in what we acquire or produce, we keep striving and searching, hoping and wishing for something beyond ourselves. Something beautiful.

This past (American) thanksgiving, I have been reminded of the beautiful things in my life. The friends that make me jump to my feet and dance. The prayers that are lifted up from afar. The memories that I am blessed to cherish. The amazing opportunities that unravel in surprising places. The love of a Saviour.

This same weekend, the elections happened. Headlines pop up on world news websites reporting of fraud and violence. The staff has been advised not to leave the mission property so we're relying on internet and the Haitian community around us to keep us in the loop. Apparently the polls were corrupted before they even began. In addition to the protests, fires, and rumored stoning, it's not exactly a good start to a new leader. It's hard to see the beauty.

Our little buddy Pierre was also hospitalized this weekend. High fever and lack of neurological response keeps him in Port-au-Prince while mommies take turns by his bedside. From being abandoned, to malnutrition and malaria, and now to symptoms that are yet to be diagnosed, this precious little life hangs in the balance. He is so innocent and so helpless. It's hard to see this bundle of giggles, white teeth smiles and shiny eyes suffer. It's hard to see the beauty.

And it's not just in Haiti, everyone has a story. It's easy for me to lose sight of the bigger picture and wish that more people would solely invest in Haiti and the desperation around me. But the truth is, there are millions of people and situations in our world that hold the same needs, the same pain. Check any news station and once again, our world is a mess. It's hard to see the beauty.

The words of this song have resonated in my heart over the past few weeks. Please take the time to listen. The song reminds me that there is beauty and there is hope beyond what we can tangibly see or understand. Even if the problem is too great, even if the destruction is irreparable, even if the trauma is impossible to heal, we are promised that there is something beautiful waiting. Whether in this life or the next, we can rest assured that our Father has won the ultimate battle. A victory that we can celebrate and rejoice over for eternity. May we continue to pursue something beautiful in this life, knowing that our ultimate promise of beauty awaits us forever.

Battle scars.

2010-11-19T17:59:00.000-05:00

On September 10, 2008, I flew into Haiti for the first time. This also happened to be the day after the 3rd consecutive hurricane hit the island within a week, causing major flooding and mudslides injuring hundreds and destroying homes and crops. For weeks and months following the storms, the Mission of Hope staff were in rescue mode - housing a whole orphanage of children in our on-campus high school, running mobile clinics in local villages and distributing food and clothes to those who were displaced.

To this day, the bricks of two remaining walls of a home still remain on the side of the Cabaret river - a reminder of the midnight panic that came in the form of a mudslide to the local residents, chasing families from their beds and wiping out homes. I will never forget driving through the villages just days after landing in Haiti and seeing the flooded roads, piles of water logged garbage and homeless families. It was a terrible disaster - One that we are still scarred from.

Last January, which seems like only yesterday, the earthquake hit. In less than a minute, the country faced one of most devastating natural disasters in history. Hunched over and barefoot on the gravel road outside the guesthouse, my eyes beheld the magnitude of the impact as the dust cloud rose from the mountain of Port-au-Prince skyline. In the minutes, hours, days, weeks and months to follow, each of us here at the mission witnessed the heartbreak in the lives of our Haitian co-workers and friends. You've all seen the pictures - collapsed homes, mass graves, hundreds of amputees, tent cities and on and on.

It's been over 10 months since the quake, and each time I travel into the city I see more progress as wooden shacks are built by NGO's and roads are less cluttered as rubble is transported to the hillsides. As much as these small steps move toward a better tomorrow, evidence of brokenness still exists everywhere - reminding me that we've barely touched the tip of the iceberg. The presidential palace still cowers behind lavish iron fences - the central peak descended deepest into the rubble. Cement cracks are everywhere from homes, balcony accents, office buildings, highways and break walls. Sensations of aftershocks leave school kids injured from panicked exits and emotional scarring.

Each day at the Mission we press forward, each day we do our utmost to rebuild and heal and foster transformation in the lives of these broken people, but it takes it's toll. It's not easy witnessing this type of pain and desperation day after day when you know you'll be seeing it for years and years to come. Sometimes it's just hard to see the silver lining.

Within months of my arrival to Haiti the 3rd time around, Haiti was once again on the front lines of another hurricane. By the grace of God, our surrounding village area at the Mission did not receive the harsh storm conditions that the hurricane forecasters were calling for. Although parts of the island were flooded and tent city residents were forced to leave their humble dwellings, we can be thankful that it was no worse.

And yet as we let out our breath in relief, another disaster is taking shape. Or should I say, it's here. Cholera.

What began as a rapid outbreak hours from us has been gradually trickling through villages and popping up through various locations around the island. Medical groups have tried their best to treat and contain the illness, but it continues to spread, and the lack of hygiene in tent cities and marketplaces offers little proactivity and prevention. For the past few weeks, our church, clinic and schools have reinforced proper preventative strategies to the locals in our area. Still, the awareness in the country hasn't been able to stop the rising death toll. Yesterday, a team from our mission travelled to a cholera treatment centre about 20 minutes away. What Sarah explained to me upon her return was so sad and so desperate. The sickness is fast-acting and the patients are extremely needy. Medical personnel are risking their own health to aid others, but there are barely enough of them to treat the masses that arrive for treatment each day.

In the midst of all of this, there is a presidential election taking place next Sunday - the 28th of this month. No matter where you go outside the mission gates you see graffiti, posters on walls and cars, as well as banners and billboards promoting the candidates. It's been like this since the summer. We are now less than two weeks away and it's reaching to new heights. Reports of violence are surfacing in the city streets. Fires, gunshots, violent outbreaks are all in the headlines. Our staff exchange daily news reports and are continually aware of the growing chaos. We all agree that this is a country in need of a new start. The people are in need of a leader who can bring unity and healing. Haiti deserves a fresh slate, and yet it seems like with every step forward we take two steps back.

Somehow, despite the brokenness and the needs of the people in the country, I am reminded each day that hope the Haitian people hold onto is real. To be honest, I don't get it.

The people of Haiti are more resilient than any other country or group I know. They just don't give up. Pondering all of the destruction that I wrote about above, I can't imagine enduring even one of them and remain standing. These people have witnessed so much pain and yet they press on, celebrating the victory of their freedom as a country, and believing in a better tomorrow, all the while celebrating the joy of heaven that will someday be theirs forever.

It's lived out through the women that arrive on the mission bus week after week with amputated limbs, coming to work at 3 cords. Despite their disability, they believe that they can make a living and support their families. That takes courage.

It's in the high school students that return to school week after week despite losing family members and friends just months before. They believe that they can graduate and make something of themselves. They haven't forgotten their dreams or let their pain excuse them from pressing on. That takes determination.

It's in the Haitian staff, from the doctors and drivers to the cooks and security guards. Still suffering from post-traumatic stress and depression, they faithfully fulfill their roles at the mission believing that their work is making a positive impact on the people around them. They don't quit or neglect their jobs in reaching out to others. That takes faith.

I don't know what is to come next for Haiti. Honestly, I don't like to think about it for fear of the worst. Part of me wants to to brace myself for another tragedy, but because of the Haitian's around me, part of me is inspired to hang onto hope that morning will come. Please pray along with me that the Lord would be evidently present in Haiti in the days, weeks, months and years to come. That the wounds and diseases would cease and band aid remedies would be cast aside. Pray that the cholera epidemic would be miraculously contained and cured. That God's peace would cover His people. Pray for the new leader of this country. Pray that they will have discernment and a heart for the poorest of the poor. Finally, pray for those who have lost hope, that it may be rekindled and fanned into a flame that lights the way for tomorrow.

A Visit To Haiti: A Guest Blog from Darcie...

2010-11-17T11:21:00.012-05:00

On my way to the airport in Toronto last week I told my parents that Haiti would probably be the last place I would go if I didn’t have a personal connection to the country. I never dreamed of traveling here, never had a pull towards the country and never really gave it a thought.

About 3 years ago my dear friend Diana started seriously considering and praying about the opportunity to come to Haiti to teach missionary children at the Mission of Hope. She felt led to take on the challenge and now this is her third year living and teaching on this small island.

Over the past 3 years I’ve watched Diana grow in her faith and in the kind of person that she is. I’ve watched her do things that I never thought she could do. I’ve listened to her talk and write about her students, about the Haitian people, about the living conditions, the food, the beauty of this country, the insects and most aspects of life here. When she would come home at Christmas or for summer break she would tell me stories about Haiti and usually end by saying “oh I want you to meet these people, I wish you could see it”. There were times when I really wanted to go but the timing never seemed right and money was always a factor. I often wondered in the back of my mind if I would ever really go. In September, shortly after another tearful goodbye to Diana as she went back to the country that she loves, my Mom encouraged me that I needed to go to Haiti for a little while and see it and spend some time with Diana. I decided that I agreed. So I made plans to come for 12 days in November.

I came to Haiti to visit my dear friend. What I never expected was to have my heart broken. I never expected that I would actually like it here. I never expected to have thoughts and feelings so foreign to me that I don’t know what to do with them.

Yesterday I went to an orphanage in a nearby village. There were lots of children, all different ages and they wanted to be held, and hugged, and played with and SEEN.

They wanted someone to SEE them.

And I sat there holding a few of them and I looked around, looked at their faces and I just wanted to take them all home. And I can’t even write words that can express what I felt. I don’t know what it’s like to not have a mommy or daddy to take care of me, I don’t know what it’s like to be thirsty and hungry. I don’t know what it’s like to not go to school and learn. I don’t know what it’s like not to have clean clothes or a proper bed.

A few days ago I traveled to visit two families that live in tents in the mountains. Diana brought them shoes that were sent from Canada. The joy that they had when they tried on those shoes was the best! The kids were the sweetest and they latched onto me and held my hand and I could have stayed there all day. I watched them interact with Diana; they know her face, her voice, her smile. She visits them each week and she cares for them and there is a deep part of my soul that wishes that I could know them the way she does, the kind of knowing that comes from being present, not just here today, gone tomorrow.

Last night Diana took me down to the Church of Hope for one of their evening worship services. I watched and listened to the people praise. I’ve never seen worship like this, so desperate for God’s presence, for Him to change the country, for Him to provide, so thankful for His love. I saw a demon being cast out of a woman; she could not even say the name of Jesus before. His name is powerful!

With God's help and direction, The Mission of Hope is changing this country.

I find that interwoven amongst the incredible needs in Haiti is much beauty and laughter and joy and possibility.

So I find myself in a new place, one I’ve never been before. And I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m not sure how to come back home to Canada knowing all of these things in my heart and having seen them with my own eyes, in real life, not just on the television or computer screen. They aren't just distant faces in some distant place, they are beautiful people with names and eyes that stare into your soul, and they have sat on my lap and held my hand and touched my skin because it's a weird colour. And having been here I see that I cannot leave without being deeply effected and I don't yet know what it means for me but I know that I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that for some reason, deciding to stop putting it off, I came. I'm thankful that I have love to give and arms strong enough to hold these little ones. I'm thankful that God loves me despite my ignorance and despite all the attention I give to "petty problems". I'm thankful that God works here and there and in the theres I know nothing of. And I'm thankful to have known the best kind of love; the kind that is behind me, in front of me, beside me, above me, below me and inside my heart.

Thank you Jesus for your love that is available to every person no matter where they're from or what they've done.

And so if you're like I was and you never really thought about going somewhere like Haiti or you're putting it off for some other time....

GO.

COME.

If you have love, give it.

And I can tell you, now that I'm here, that you won't leave the same.

May you be inconvenienced with the thought and desire to go somewhere new, somewhere different, somewhere that needs you and what you have to give, even if you go only for a short while, just go.

I am being reminded that the world is a big place and it's full of things that will break our hearts, things that we don't understand, and it's full of things that will make us laugh, things that fill us up with so much joy that we overflow.

And I think it would be a shame if we let this life pass us by without feeling it all.

Here's to living life being FULLY ALIVE,

~Darcie

Nick of time.

2010-11-04T14:40:00.010-04:00

I don't want to knock the 'Bass Pro Shop' camping tents, but I have witnessed first-hand that they are not fit for the intense sunlight, gale-force winds and nightly downpours of the typical Haitian climate. The catch is, these are the current tents available to us at the warehouse (courtesy of a post-earthquake shipment), so they are my only option to bring as a replacement for the mountain families' makeshift shelters that have already battled the elements for too long.

As Hurricane Tomas approached and the headlines began to speak about the severity of the storm, my mind could not stop reeling over the terrible experience this would be once again for my friends in the mountains. For the first time, I was afraid to even go and visit them because of the harsh reality of what destruction was to come. It was too hard for me to accept.

Mid-week I set up a meeting with Mr. Marc (our Haitian director at MOH) to discuss the possibility of them taking shelter somewhere on our mission. Liability and property issues were all at stake, but I didn't know what other options I had. When I reached the office, Mr. Marc was not around due to the million and one responsibilities he handles on a daily basis (He is a definite God-send to Mission of Hope!). But my hopes dropped significantly knowing that the chances of me meeting with him were slim, and the possibility of the families staying somewhere on our campus was even slimmer.

Shortly after this realization, I met with Robenson and together we trekked out to see the families. Despite the heaviness in my heart, I could not justify any more ignorance regardless of having a solution or not. I did the only thing I could do - prayed for hope.

As we made our way off the road and down the university path (which is currently under construction), my eyes drifted to the classrooms being built along the hill. Thinking out loud, I asked Robenson if he thought there was any way the families could resort to the shelter there during the weekend. His eyes perked up and he headed toward the gatekeepers shelter where he discussed the possibility with some of the people remaining on the grounds. Unfortunately for us, the 'boss man' of the university wasn't present so they could not speak for him, but they did give us a glimmer of hope saying that it could work if we managed to talk to the right person in time.

My anticipation built back up a bit knowing that we had somewhat of an option, however it was not even close to the response I gave when I heard what came out of Robenson's mouth next. He said 'You know Diana, if this doesn't work out, I am sure there is a room available in a cement home in Sourcematelas (the village next to the Mission), that we could rent for them'.

I stopped in my tracks. Here was an option that I didn't even know existed, but as soon as Robenson said it, I am convinced I heard an angel choir. It was our answer. Not only would it protect them during the upcoming weekend storms, but it could also become a more proper living space for them in the weeks of waiting before they receive a house of their own. After so much prayer and yearning for the Lord to intercede, He was answering us with provision and mercy in the nick of time.

Over the past 24 hours with the help of Robenson and a few other friends in Sourcematelas, it has been arranged for the families to take shelter in a secure cement home. It's currently 2:23pm here. The wind is picking up, clouds are darkening and the hurricane is predicted to hit this evening. I just got a call from Robenson saying that the key for the room is in his hand and he's taking it to the family now. By God's grace, they will have shelter tonight.

Thank you all for your prayers and may God be given all the glory for providing for these people.

I have a heart brimming with gratitude to the Lord, knowing that my friends are going to be so much better protected in the days and nights to come, however I still ache for the thousands of others who are still searching, still needing, still hopeful for the Lord to provide. Please join me in praying for all these desperate people. And like the many whispered prayers He is answering already, may His promise of protection and strength be supernaturally evident to those who need it most.

On the horizon...

2010-11-03T12:37:00.000-04:00

Common makeshift tents like these can barely withstand a blustery evening breeze and thundershower. Here is a recent Haiti weather radar:

Currently we are receiving mixed messages - "Just a tropical depression" becomes a Level 3 Hurricane headline from day to day. The storm alert colour changes by the hour from red to orange to yellow and then back again. Friends in Port-au-Prince, LaCay, Titanyen, SourceMatelas, Simonette, Minotrie, Cabaret are all at high risk to the unknown. Once again, they find themselves on the frontlines of harsh elements and preparing for the worst.

Every time I look out towards the ocean my heart has a tendency to sink a little deeper. The cloud cover is thickening - and so is the burden for so many suffering people. For a country that has already suffered so greatly, it is difficult to swallow yet another disaster.

But beyond the forecast - beyond the storm radar - beyond the questions and the uncertainties, there is an Anchor that can be trusted far greater than any force on earth.

Once again, may we be made weak so we know the strength of the One who's strong.

Once again may our faith be tested and tried and true.

And may we be able to testify that words of Jesus - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Up to speed.

2010-10-27T18:39:00.000-04:00

It feels like it's been pedal to the metal these past couple of days. Lots of good things are happening while much needs to be lifted up in prayer... Here is a break down of a few current prayer needs and praises.

As you've read on the news, the Cholera outbreak has been on the frontline in Haiti as well as our minds. MOH clinic has sent out many supplies to St. Marc (where it was originally diagnosed), and our medical staff have prepared our ward for local patients. The good thing about Cholera is that it is very treatable and easy to recover from if you can get proper medical attention in time. The problem with Cholera is that it hits very severely and can cause dehydration to the point of death in a matter of hours. It is also very contagious in areas of poor hygiene. Praise the Lord that our hospital beds have not yet been swamped by the epidemic. Please keep praying for Haitian villages near and far that the disease will not spread any more and that clinics around the country will be able to treat cases appropriately. We are thankful for the continual flow of nurses and doctors who staff our clinic and the full time staff who provide organization and constancy as well as effective communication with other medical professionals in Haiti.

In other news, my students are back! The van der Mark family returned yesterday and I look forward to greeting a class size of 6 tomorrow morning! Noah will now have another fellow grade 6er (Grayden), Caleb will continue in grade 5 and blend along with the older boys in some subjects, Bridgely is going into grade 3, and Ana and Mina will be starting grade 2! I am anticipating a great year ahead! Please keep the van der Mark kids in your prayers as they transition back to life in Haiti, and pray that I can spark an enthusiasm into the hearts and minds of my kids throughout the year.

Speaking of school, Idelie has started teaching 6 of the mountain kids during the weekday mornings and it's going really well! I sat down with her on Monday after school and I am so thankful for her heart for the kids and the importance she is placing on not just educational standards but on their spiritual growth, and their health and well being. Especially with the current infections that are spreading, I was really concerned for the families who retrieve their water from the local water source. Idelie told me on Monday that she was teaching the kids about approriate hand washing methods and providing them with clean water to drink. Thank you for your continual prayers for Idelie and the children (Wala, Jean Bertan, Shaylyn, Marie Rose, Senson and Dida)! See below a more recent picture taken of the kids (all except for Senson - he was out in the garden with his dad). From bottom left - Peterson, Dida, Mikaielle, Shaylyn, Marie Rose - From top left - Wala and Jean Bertan.

Last but certainly not least: 3 cord production is off the hook! The women come in for a full day of sewing and braiding on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it is going awesome. After school, I make my way down to the 3 cords lab and absolutely love working and laughing with the women. After the day is done, I proudly display their handiwork in our tuck shop (see below). Just one problem: We can't seem to be making enough to keep our display table stocked... Only hours after I put the day's work on the table people are requesting more. The Lord is surely blessing this business and the ladies who come each week! In addition to the women's daily salary, I look forward to sharing more of the directions that we will be heading with the money we have raised soon!

PS - If you want one - you better speak up fast!

That toothy grin.

2010-10-20T20:51:00.007-04:00

Remember the slumber party I wrote about a couple weeks ago?

Baby Pierre wasn't exactly the 3rd roommate that I expected, but what did it matter? His shining eyes and toothy grin were more than enough to have Sarah and I hanging onto his every whim. Bottles filled with you name it, oversized sleepers strewn over furniture, and leftovers of mashed banana and pineapple were all evidence of our new favourite buddy.

It's been a while since I've updated you on the little guy so here you go...

As you know, he's been transferred a little bit more of a distance than our living room. He now resides in a playpen at the Hope House and taking after the other babies on campus, he's gradually putting on the pounds.

He was initially labelled with muscular dystrophy, but due to the lack of proper testing here in Haiti, it was not a definite call. Doctors have been monitoring his progression and behaviours over past weeks trying to reach a more definite diagnosis, and recently with his increased strength and motor movement they have disproved the first theory. Their recent conclusions lead more toward some neurological delays (hard to know how severe), and a possibility of cerebral palsy. There are still a lot of gray areas, but piece by piece we are finding where his deepest needs are and where to go from here. The importance is that he is breaking through limits and becoming more energetic every day.

A physical therapist met with Rachel and I a while back and gave us some good exercises to practice with him to encourage the range of motion in his legs and arms. He was very positive about the way Pierre was able to control his neck muscles, and said that with increased practice there is a good chance he could sit up on his own, and even develop his legs enough to hold himself up.

You may recall the post I wrote about baby Angelie when she arrived at the Hope House under a similar abandonment circumstance. Her jelly-like legs were written off by many, but just months later she is pulling herself up all on her own and taking baby steps while holding hands with a mommy. It's so exciting to watch the growth after such a hopeless beginning. Indeed, these babies have more resiliency than we accredit them for.

Like all the others before him, Pierre has got a chance. And as we've seen before, it's more than enough. Thank you for praying for Pierre. Pray for health and healing after months of malnutrition and neglect. Pray that the right doctors would see him and make the right diagnoses. Most of all, pray that the Lord would breathe His love and strength into this little life, and that Pierre would be a testimony of hope more and more everyday.

This weekend Sarah and I are anticipating another sleepover. We've received permission to have him up at our house for the night and we're counting down the days. Make way - there's a baby on the block!

Something to write home about.

2010-10-15T13:47:00.001-04:00

Last October you may remember about me writing about 3 children that crossed my path on the mission road at dusk. Their desperate need mixed with hopeful eyes left me searching for answers as I climbed the hill that evening, wondering if I would ever see them again.

Little did I know that first encounter would bridge into what I am about to share with you today - To the glory of God, here is a 'year later' update.

I'll never forget my first trek into the mountains - where I stood at the top of the hill and looked down upon the shambled tent of a shelter where they lived. The way I recognized the barefoot children whom I had met on the pathway, and saw the condition that their parents and many siblings were living in. It left me overwhelmed and unknowing in where to begin, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't forget about what I had seen, nor remove the weight that hung heavy in my heart.

The goat path that was once so foreign to me has now become one of my favourite trails as I've found such joy in building relationships with the 2 families... Watching the babies take their first steps, enjoying watermelons from their farm fields, and learning from the way they testify true contentment and trust in the Lord for provision.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about this family, and I am so grateful for the friendship we share, as well as the partnership and support from so many of you in North America who have lifted up prayers, given financial support, and visited them in Haiti.

In my time home this past summer, I spent a lot of time thinking about future steps and ways that I can play a role in bringing hope to these beautiful people in the year ahead. I asked myself - What would be the best way to help these families break out of the cycle of poverty? The answer was confirmed time and time again: The children needed an education. If they could only go to school, they would have a chance at getting a job and providing for their families in the years to come.

Despite a few of the children attending schools in the nearby villages in past school terms, none of the education they have received has provided a foundation to build upon. In recent weeks, Robenson and I have done basic number recognition drills and alphabet songs, all of which the children have barely mastered without prompting. It would be generous for me to say that the 7 school-aged children (ages 6-14) are at a junior kindergarten level.

The ages of the children are a discouraging variable. Their small physical size led me to believe at first that they were much younger than they actually were. The oldest boy who I judged as a 9 year old is instead 14. The trend of a 5 year gap between the ages I assumed compared to actuality is true for all of the children.

Returning to Haiti this year, my priority was to enroll the children in the School of Hope.

The harsh reality was difficult to swallow - None of the kids were anywhere close to the grade level benchmarks where they should be based on their age. They would not be accepted into school with such a limited knowledge base.

I had no doubt to face plan B - Find a private teacher to work with them over the year, in hopes to catch them up to their levels and try to enroll them again next year.

But plan B scared me. How was I with such a limited creole vocabulary and awareness of Haitian education supposed to communicate the needs of these children and set up a school system with a possible teacher? I put the word out around the mission hoping that somebody would fit the position. A few friends of friends with teaching background emerged as prospects, but nothing substantiated, mostly because of my own hesitancy. The person I had in my mind needed to know the family, they had to genuinely care about each child and their needs, not just do it for the pay cheque each week. My job description surrounded someone with a real servant heart, endless patience with the children, and a concern for not just their educational progress, but also their physical and emotional well being.

Clearly, I wasn't just looking for an ordinary teacher.

These children needed someone to talk to them about the truth of the Bible. These children needed someone who could guide them in proper nutrition and health. Education, and ultimately the goal for the children to one day be integrated into their proper grade levels was important, but these other areas were just as much of a priority considering their background.

The days passed, School of Hope commenced, and nothing had developed. I was so discouraged, but I couldn't lower my standards. I put the word out for people to start praying. It became clear that only the Lord would be able to find this person and plop them in my lap.

It wasn't until last week when I was chatting over Skype with Sadrac, the interpreter who used to accompany in my mountain treks to visit the families last year, and I was sharing my frustrations. He understood the needs of the children and echoed the importance of having healthcare and Christian education integrated as a key theme into the numeracy and literacy curriculum. I asked him if he knew of ANYONE in his social circle who fit the criteria.

With that he said - well, my older sister used to teach kindergarten.

I almost fell out of my chair. I knew that this was the answer to our prayers.

Since that time, I have met with Idelie (which is also Robenson's sister) and Sadrac has communicated with her by phone about the unique description of the teacher we are looking for. On Wednesday I walked with her to the mountain families where she met the children, and we discussed more of the weekly routine for them, as well as curriculum needs.

Slowly but surely, it's coming together. There are still daily roadblocks that come along - curriculum books, school location, need for a chalkboard and benches, morning routine structure, but day by day the Lord provides a solution that I could have never found on my own.

Yesterday I met with Joan from the School of Hope, who is developing a new Christian education for Mission of Hope, and her encouragement and guidance to me was more valuable than I could ever express in words. She gave me great insight into the types of lessons to start out with and gave me another link to a mutual friend of ours (Jennifer) who has a Christian community health manual that Idelie could use. I am meeting with Jennifer on Monday afternoon to see how this can be incorporated in the weeks ahead. Once again, the Lord reminds me He's got it all figured out, I just have to keep trusting each step. I feel so grateful for the way He is affirming this path we're on, and people who are joining along the way.

In other news, the hope of building real homes for both families is also taking shape as housing equipment gets shipped in for reconstruction. I will do my best to keep an update on what future developments take place for these families in the future.

I'm learning step by step that an uphill climb isn't easy, but by God's grace He is paving a path for us as we keep the faith. Someday when we finally reach the summit, the view will be all the sweeter. All glory to His provision and faithfulness day by day.

Please keep these children and Idelie in your prayers as they begin school on Monday. Pray that Idelie will have a maintained passion for teaching, a love for the children, and fresh ideas for building trust with them day by day. Pray also for the children that they will have an enthusiasm for learning, and that they can easily retain the information they are taught. Pray that the relationships will continue to flourish and that each child will grow into the person God has created them to be.

Now all glory be to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us,

to accomplish infinitely more than we could ever ask or think.

~ Ephesians 3:20

Orphans, Kingdoms.

2010-10-13T12:39:00.002-04:00

I've been asking a lot of questions of myself lately.

Questions about how to balance the life of privilege that I have, with the life that I am seeing around me day by day.

Tent cities that collapse under wind and torrential downpours leaving hundreds without shelter.

10-year olds who can't say the first few letters of the alphabet, and parents who prompt them with the wrong answers.

Parents who have no other choice than to abandon their year-old babies at the clinic unknown to what will become of them, than to carry them home to poverty.

An earthquake that stole parents away from their daughters and sons, and daughters and sons away from their parents. Unfathomable loss.

How do I live my life with blessings that seep out around me everywhere when I am confronted with the harsh reality of these friends of mine?

The smile I wear on my face as I encounter these people who are suffering isn't real tonight.

I just don't know where the line between pouring out and being poured into is anymore.

The worst part about it is that I feel like I've earned this life - that I somehow deserve this comfort. And yet it's nothing, absolutely NOTHING but the grace of God that I'm not sleeping alone on a muddy floor under a frayed blue tarp of protection with an empty stomach.

I've been listening to a song lately that has echoed this struggle in my heart and mind, as well as offered a peace in truth about where to go from here.

In me, in you...

Loneliness. Desperation. Disease. Hunger. Thirst. Brokenness. Abandonment. Heartache.

In me, in you...

Beauty. Life. Joy. Laughter. Faith. Peace. Friendship. Harmony. Understanding. Hope.

I think I need to open up my box-like concept of us being either one or the other.

What may appear to be a division of wealth and poverty - kingdom and orphan, is instead a meshing. Where those in the kingdom suffer with doubt and discontentment and search for something greater, while the orphans thrive with child-like faith and love without bounds and resiliency.

The emotions in both categories have been each of one of our songs at one point or another.

Every life dips and climbs between heartache and celebration. In this world, there is sadness that pulls us down to the depths of despair and rejoicing that lifts up to the heights of heaven. From the cheer of a baby's first cry to the weeping of a goodbye that came too soon. There is a time for everything.

What I am wrestling with tonight is heartache and injustice that clouds over optimism. How can I bring a kingdom and everything that goes with it, into the lives of the friends who have lost it all?

But maybe my question needs to be rephrased to - Where is the kingdom in the lives of these people?

It says in 2 Timothy chapter 11:

If we die with Him, we will also live with Him.

If we endure, we will reign with Him.

If we deny Him, He also will deny us.

If we are unfaithful, He will still be faithful, because He cannot deny Himself.

The last line of this verse is such a promise to cling to.

A promise of God's character and sovereignty far beyond anything in the grasp of our control. When I see the pain around me and the questions flood in and my rationale fails by the wayside, and I just can't.

He is still faithful.

Not because He should be. But because He simply is.

Can that be enough?

It must be.

A few weeks ago I rewound a podcast to hear a line of truth repeated that has stuck with me ever since ~ The moment of despair is the moment of hope.

... And the song plays on....

We are wondering where the Wild Wind blows,

We are happy here cause the Wild Wind knows what we are,

Orphans, Kingdoms.

Give thanks.

2010-10-10T21:46:00.004-04:00

I'm thankful for sticky floors.

Evidence of sugary ingredients that drip on my floor while making Haitian juice, or a favourite dessert which us staffers endearingly call 'log'.

I'm thankful for dusty roads and burning garbage piles.

Together the smoke particles collect in the sky and produce the most breathtaking of sunsets over the ocean.

I'm thankful for cold showers.

Who needs hot water when you can be instantly refreshed after a hot day?

I'm thankful for a broken inverter.

Outdoor hammocking outdoes an oscillating fan indoors any day.

I'm thankful for creole.

Even though my communication in this foreign language still fails me everyday, the broken conversations shared with other North Americans here at the mission makes me laugh harder than most things that humour me in english.

As I type, the storm clouds are rolling through and the internet has cut out multiple times. Yes, I'm even thankful for a lost wireless signal.

It allows me to take my eyes off the light screen and break it down on the balcony to hit singles with my roomie.

I'm thankful for thanksgiving in Haiti.

I may be faraway from crisp fall leaves, Oma's zwiebak, and the warm hugs of family, but thanksgiving still exists here by the poolside under the sun, and the bonus is that I get to celebrate it again with my American friends in a couple more weeks.

Happy Canadian thanksgiving to one and all!

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His faithful love endures forever! ~ Psalm 107:1

3 cords.

2010-10-01T20:46:00.004-04:00

A cord of 3 strands is not easily broken. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:12

You have read here before about the new ministry that is beginning at the prosthetics lab so I'll try to keep it short and sweet - even though I could go on for days!

My good friend Diana has been working full time at the Mission with prosthetists from all over the country who come to make new prosthetic legs and give rehabilitation to amputees (mostly victims from the earthquake). She has a huge passion for this ministry, and over time has developed some great relationships with the women who have come to get fitted for new legs. This is a very typical scene of her with the ladies!

All of these women lost their homes in the earthquake and are now living in large tent cities towards Port-au-Prince. In addition to the huge loss of family members and shelters, they have also lost any jobs they once had.

In recent weeks, Diana has been inspired to begin a work program for them where they can use their hands to make crafts which are then sold in the guesthouse of our mission for profit.

It's been 2 weeks since the program fully took off, and it is AWESOME. What a blessing it has been for me to join in with Diana and our friends, Christi and Abby, as well as these wonderful women! Please check out Diana's blog here to get more details (read the post titled - 3 cords is up and running)!

She named the program '3 cords' since our most popular product is a braid made from 3 strips of fabric that can be worn as a hair band wrap or belt.The other reason the name suited so perfectly is from the verse I wrote above from Ecclesiastes. 3 cords is not easily broken. During our time working with the ladies this week, Diana, Christi, Abby and I asked the women to share their stories, and we sat in amazement as they talked about the heartbreak of not only their experiences through the earthquake, but also the loss and struggle that they have lived throughout their lives in Haiti. The openness that they were able to have, and the fellowship that they share with each other - supporting and understanding, is a beautiful gift. Together they are able to encourage and comfort one another an a deeper level, just as the Bible talks about - strengthening one another in the Lord and holding each other up. I have been blessed to witness this verse in the lives of these wonderful women, and as I reflect more on the ministries around me, I realize how 3 cords are also woven into other aspects of my life.

In my more recent mountain visits, I've been accompanied by another friend named Robenson. The first time I asked him to come along I was a little unsure about how willing he would be to come, however during our visit I was amazed at how enthused he was to get to know the family. He has always been available to walk along with me, and he has a real heart for the family. But the greatest part of all is that he really loves to teach. When he came along the first time, I expected him to sit at the back and check his watch from time to time until we left. I was all wrong. When I took out the teaching materials, Robenson got right into it. I barely got a word in edgewise as Robenson entertained the kids through the alphabet and counting activities.

It is the hope of many that these children will have the chance to get some more formal and consistent education in the upcoming school year, but in the meantime it is really encouraging for me to watch the kids grasp new concepts, and especially to witness 18-year old Robenson have such a heart for seeing these children break out of the cycle of illiteracy. Tangibly speaking, there is nothing in it for him, and yet he finds joy in hiking out into the wilderness and flipping through flashcards with children who have never had the chance to go to school. It's a beautiful picture of community, love and servanthood. It's a picture of 3 cords.

Recently some professional photographers were at the mission taking footage to integrate in some multimedia programs in the States. One of the photographers also happened to be a gifted worship leader back at his church, and my friend Jean Marc got to watch him in action.

As you can see from the picture, he was fully engrossed in learning the new songs and chords that his new friend had to offer, and once again gave me a picture of 3 cords. How a talented musician can come alongside a friend with a similar passion and invest in them is a picture of hope and faith that God can do much greater things than we ever could. Jean Marc still sings the songs that he learned in that jam session every time I see him.

I also feel blessed to testify a '3 cord' story as my life continues overflow with a community of beautiful people. Coming to Haiti 3 years ago, I was so worried about losing the friends I had back home. I didn't know how on earth the Lord could provide for me even close to how He had provided in my small town of Wainfleet. And yet, I sit here today amazed at the way He has unceasingly provided a wonderful group of people right where I am. Friends and I here have commented before as we are mashing avocados for guacamole, or riding in the back of a pickup, or sipping Cocacola on the balcony after a hot day, how amazed we are at the people we get to do life together here in Haiti. It's more than we ever dreamed! Both near and far, I feel blessed to have people pouring into me, praying for me, and lifting me back up when I stumble. I thank the Lord for the 'cords' around me that keep me going and help me hold a little tighter onto Him.

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails.

2010-09-24T10:38:00.001-04:00

What are little boys made of? Well, I'm learning.

On Monday we taste tested sardines and oysters, where Noah and Caleb practically licked the metal trays clean.

On Tuesday they non-chalantly disposed of the tarantula in our classroom. Twice. Upon Caleb's discovery, Noah simply chugged his cup of water and used it as a trap. Considering the production it took Leeann, Teagan and I last spring, I was in utter shock and relief. They are the ones I will be calling the next time I need a disposal squad for the unwelcome critters I have in my apartment.

After Wednesday's recess break, I rang the bell around the corner of our schoolhouse towards the field where the boys were hiking with tree root walking sticks. In the rain.

Yesterday they made one-wheel racing contraptions from a pencil wrapped up in a spool.

A few times a week, they knock on my door with oversized beetles or snakes in tow... Their suggestions for new science projects.

The poetry that we've written so far as a part of our writing unit revolves around the outdoors. Sharks, mice, frogs, climbing trees, and torrential downpours to name a few.

It never fails, at least once throughout the morning their eyes grow wide as large winged insects fly around the walls of our classroom or a lizard scampers between their desks. Through their gaze I can see that it's all they can do to stay in their seats and not attempt to capture it.

If this is how the first week is going to go, it's sure to be an eventful year!

A beautiful mesh.

2010-09-19T14:50:00.004-04:00

The clear rippling water transforms into a deep navy blanket as the sun sets on the horizon. The surface glitters a reflection of a million bright crystals. The waves reach the pebbled shore with a soothing melody.

In my mind I can smell the campfire frying fresh pickerel. I can hear the chatter and laughter of friends and family around the circle of picnic chairs. I can see the line of cars parked along the side of Mohawk Pt. Road.

This waterfront view I am witnessing is the same one I saw summer after summer growing up at my family's cottage, and yet as I look at the surroundings I am in today, it's so very different. To my left there is a field of plantain trees. Just beyond the trees I can hear a man showering under a hose singing a song in Creole (loudly - gotta love it). To my right there is a cement breakwall, which the gardener uses as a support beam for shelter with his tent. On the sides of the horizon, mountainous landforms are faintly visible over the saltwater mist.

Looking back at the sunset over the water, if I let myself, I am sitting around that campfire in the Northern town where I grew up, but in the same moment I am breathing in a reality of life on a Caribbean island.

It's amazing how my memories of life in Canada have overlapped to where I am today in Haiti. The sights and sounds engrained in my mind from childhood and teenage years often show up in the most surprising places in Haiti. Today I need to share how the Lord has surprised me in my day to day life, and the beautiful way my Canadian upbringing meshes into my life in Haiti today. Here's how:

A song.

Saviour, He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.

I had to catch myself for a minute this morning in church... Listening to the crowds of Haitian people, arms outstretched high, singing to the same melody I heard years ago, except in a different language.

I remember the first time I heard that song. Riding down the highway in the back of my friend's Grand Am GT. I remember the weeks following that first listen - reading the lyrics on the song sheet before Tuesday Night Live worship practice, and trying to move my fingers properly on the guitar strings to play it in my bedroom. Today, I was standing with a totally different kind of congregation and sing that same song again. What a wonderful sound it was.

A bright yellow Roxy polo.

I chose it as my one new shirt for starting grade 10 - mostly because of the blue embroidered symbol next to the buttons. 'Roxy' was known at my high school as one of the popular clothing brands, and my parents agreed to buy it for me as my back to school shirt. It was by far my favourite item of clothing for many months. But of course, we know that time passes and styles change, and it slowly but surely it made it's way farther and father back in the closet. In my trips to Haiti, my mom has found her way far back in the shelves of my wardrobe and sent bags of Broc and I's clothes for me to give away. The Roxy shirt was one of them. I found it in one of the bags and smiled to myself. This shirt deserved to go to someone special.

Now I see it at church being worn by Senson, the 8-year old boy who lives with his family in the mountains. He knows nothing about the over-priced tag that once hung from the hanger nor about the significance of that shirt in the hallways of my high school, but he wears it proudly just the same. The shirt may have been designed for girls, and it may be faded from dust and sunlight, but I think it looks better on him than it ever did on me.

A velvet couch.

I have mentioned this couch in previous posts. This is because it's earned a good reputation. It was purchased my my newlywed parents over 25 years ago. It's the couch that I would sprawl out on during the sick days of my school years while watching 'The Price is Right'. It's the couch that Broc and I would argue on about crossing the invisible line we created which allowed us to have our own space. It's the couch I would sit on while waiting for the school bus to come in the morning. It's the couch that my family members congregated on to watch the Survivor finale. It's the couch that my friends and I would whisper and giggle on into the early hours of the morning.

3 years ago, my parents helped me truck it to the van der Marks garage where it was then loaded onto a container and shipped to the landing port in Haiti. It was the first piece of furniture to enter my empty apartment. Now, it's the centerpiece to my living room. Indeed, the crushed red velvet cushions may not be ideal for a Caribbean island... The thick material and colour tends to absorb more heat than anything, however it still manages to attract a large amount of people who come to rest their feet. It's been the landing mark for many after a hot day, and the viewing platform for a variety of great movies and shows after dark. The velvet couch holds more memories than I can recount, and it's still going strong.

I could go on.

I think if I was more deliberate about it, I could write about another reminiscent I find at least once a week. I guess it goes to show that no matter where I am, a part of where I've been will always stay with me. These familiar pieces in the back of my mind pop up time and time again and I pause in wonder at how my life has unraveled and how the same strands stay woven into who I am. It makes me think about how these memories will continue to appear in the years to come. How someday I may be in a different place, and the memories of glass Cocacola bottles or rain pouring on a tin roof will time-travel me back Haiti in my mind.

Most of all, these moments cause me to look back on the road I've journeyed. I stand in awe at the sequence of events that took me from small-town Wainfleet to a dot on the island of Haiti. It gives me hope to believe that whatever twists and turns await as I travel this path, the Lord is guiding me step by step. It's His provision that supplies me with faith to press on, and it's His faithfulness which remains when all else fails. It's His goodness that allows me to be reminded of the ways He has walked with me in the past, and it's His love that spurs me on to all this is to come, wherever I may go.

Class size cut and paste.

2010-09-15T14:52:00.004-04:00

Any teacher who loses half of their class within 3 days would normally take it as an insult to their teaching. It is a pretty bad sign to have such a significant drop out rate in such a small span of time.

This week I went from a class of 4 to a class of 2, but I'm not embarrassed in the least... I actually couldn't be happier about it.

And this is why:

As many of you have been tracking, my two youngest students, Ana and Mina, have been awaiting their Canadian passports over the past year and looking forward to going to Canada to reunite with their family.

It feels like it has been a never-ending process and extremely painstaking journey for the vanderMark family. Haitian government offices do just about everything under the sun to prolong the paperwork from being finalized, and every time we have thought the girls were home free, another roadblock came out of nowhere. At last, on Tuesday evening Ana entered my apartment and with a bright wide smile announced that her and Mina were going to Canada. The passports and visas had been granted, and much to our delight, Laurens boarded a plane with Ana and Mina on Wednesday afternoon landing in Canada that night. What a reunion it must have been... I get choked up just thinking about it. All glory be to God for His faithfulness and joining this family together for good!

So now it's just me and my boys. Noah and Caleb Mazur are here with their parents John and Mary - John is heading up the 500 homes project for families who have lost shelters through the devastation of the 2008 hurricanes and last winter's earthquake. I am excited to get to know them more personally over the next month and a half before the vanderMarks return as a family and my class size triples. Ana and Mina will return to school bringing their 2 older brothers, Grayden and Bridgely who I have taught since moving to Haiti. It's going to be a great year!

In the meantime though, I do have some extra time on my hands. As I presented in my report this past summer, I am excited about some of the new ministries that are beginning, and getting involved as I can. After my morning school sessions, I am plugging into a few different areas which will carry me through until the vanderMarks return at the end of October, and we'll see where that takes me.

First off, I am loving visiting the families in the mountains who I have gotten to know better since meeting them last winter. I have gotten creative and hitched rides with staff members to and from the mission here and there, and continue to make the independent trek when all else fails. I blogged a bit before about how I do some little school sessions with them and it's awesome to see how they catch on and even the parents participate. Please keep these families in your prayers in the coming weeks that they will have the chance to enroll at the School of Hope. There are so many children needing education after many school facilities toward Port-au-Prince are no longer functioning after the earthquake. This creates a huge influx of incoming students making it more difficult for the mountain kids to be accepted. Pray that they will have a chance to learn in the classrooms this year, even if it's through the afternoon school sessions that the Mission will be starting this fall. I will keep you posted!

The second thing that I am getting more and more excited about is the awesome business that is starting for amputee ladies who have received new legs from the prosthetics lab. Diana Cherry (the 'other' Diana at the mission), who works as the prosthetics coordinator at the mission has initiated a program for women to create fabric accessories to be sold to teams that come to Mission of Hope. The money that comes from selling the created products goes towards a consistent income for the women, as well as future investments in helping local families and earthquake victims get proper education and housing. It is a fantastic ministry, and the women are so excited to begin.

Yesterday I met with the Diana and a few of our interns, as well as the women, and we discussed their official employment with the Mission of Hope. It's such a thrill for me to be a part of this new development and join the women in their work on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. Not only will we be making the cutest hair wraps and accessories, but I will have a chance to build relationships with the women and further my Creole vocabulary. What could be better!?

So there's a glimpse into my weekly schedule... Somewhere in the mix I also get the chance to hang out with a beautiful group of people on the staff side of the guesthouse. We have prided ourselves in mastering the art of making Haitian fruit juice, and spend our evenings in great conversation with some of the best background music on the planet.

The simple joys of serving and sharing as a community definitely outweigh any leaky ceiling, pesky mosquito bites, or sweltering hot living rooms.

Life is always better together. Thank you for sharing in the journey.

On your mark...

2010-09-12T17:13:00.000-04:00

Sweep classroom - check.

Sharpen pencils - check.

Wash chalkboards - check.

Plan first week activity schedule - check.

Sort textbooks - check.

Break down subject units - check.

Read novels for literacy study - check.

Hang posters - check.

Arrange desks and bookshelves - check.

Prepare memorization verses and devotions - check.

Organize classroom supplies - check.

Record class agreement - check.

Label journals and scrapbooks - check.

Hide scavenger hunt items - check.

Beach trip - check. (okay, so it's not really a 'mandatory' part of school prep, but I like to think of it as a 'professional development' tactic - clear the sweat out of my pores!)

All systems are go.

On your mark, get set... ring the school bell!

As we sang in church this morning...

Nou bay ou tout lwanj ak glwa, nou adore Senye, Ou merite tout louanj!

Translation - We give you all the glory, We worship you oh Lord, You are worthy to be praised!

I know that all that will be accomplished in the lives of my students and I this year is only because of the strength and grace of God. May He multiply our knowledge into love for Him, and may we give Him all the glory.

The little things.

2010-09-08T12:31:00.003-04:00

Metal slats.

I never knew how significant they could be until yesterday morning.

Long story short, I've been sleeping on a box spring and mattress on the lower bunk since my arrival to Haiti a few weeks ago. Despite the funny appearance, it was working out fine for me, until Pierre graced us with his presence and my mattress became the centerpiece of our living room.

SIDENOTE: Pierre is doing really well! He has moved down to the Hope House and will continue to stay there in the days to come as more options for a permanent place are searched out. We are so thankful that his health is improving, but we're also sad is because he is no longer our houseguest and we MISS him! See why?

So shortly after the mommies came to retrieve him, I makeovered the apartment back to normal which included returning the mattress to our bunk bed. I decided that it was a good opportunity to remove the box spring since the mattress was off anyways, and so I proceeded to reef it off as best I could. This is when I discovered the harsh truth about our bunk: The lower bed frame only consisted of 2 metal slats. The side beams indicated places for about 8 slats spaced a few inches apart to fully support the mattress. At first, I didn't think it would be a big deal, but upon laying the mattress back on without the box spring support, the bed sagged in the center immediately on contact. Not good.

With no idea where to find the other metal slats, I searched out an alternative support system which involved using a side plank of our not-yet-assembled bookshelf to lie perpendicular to the 2 slats (improvisation to it's extreme). This is how I slept on Tuesday night. At first, it didn't seem to be much of an issue, especially compared to the 2 slats alone. The plank prevented the center part of the mattress to fold, however by the early hours of the morning, my body was getting tired of aligning myself with the center bookshelf beam as to not be gravity-pulled one way or the other.

Needless to say, I woke up the next morning knowing that I needed a better solution, and wishing Cheryl was here to give me an adjustment. By evening Sarah and I started on a hunt for the missing pieces to our bed. We began putting the word out and then made our way to the pink house where a lot of furniture is currently being stored, hopeful that the missing pieces to our bed would be there. We were in luck! When we flicked on the light, there were piles of mattresses and couches everywhere, but there in the center of it all lay... the missing slats. Cue heavenly music here.

So with lots of laughs (just picture 2 overtired girls in a hot apartment trying to move heavy equipment), we completed the task of assembling our bed. The missing pieces had made their way back, and I slept like a baby last night!

Sometimes in Haiti it's all about the little things.

And speaking of the little things, today I took a mountain walk. It was like any other mountain walk, except this time I did it without accompaniment. My fellow mountain walker, Sadrac, is now in the Dominican Republic attending university and living with his sister who is also studying there to become a doctor. It took me a while to bite the bullet and make the trek alone. It just feels so bizarre, and yet I knew most of my hesitation and worries were silly compared to the joy that comes from visiting my dear friends. This morning I tumbled through the farm fields in my flimsy sandals (next time I'll be sure to wear runners), and as I came into view of the tents ahead, the children ran to greet me. They take the cake for the best greeting committee ever.

I spent my visit going through a few of the basics of counting and alphabet letters with the children. This small amount of learning time that we did is a little thing too, but I believe that piece by piece a foundation will be built and that the Lord would enable and equip these children to achieve great things in their lives. Great things that can only be accredited to His love and grace.

Little things.

Whether we recognize them or not, I think they have the potential to affect us for better or for worse. I remember many years ago reading a book about how to not sweat the 'small stuff'. I easily let speed bumps affect my attitude and outlook. Often one set back can define my day and ruin my joy. Just as the little pick ups brighten the dark spots, seemingly insignificant hiccups can throw me for a loop and my perspective is lost with the wind.

It's my prayer through the reminder of promises in His word and witnesses of His grace in those that I get to do life with, that I would be more fixed on the little pieces of joy that the Lord places in my life each day. That His presence would train me to be constant in the ups and downs of life. That His love that pours out in the most unexpected places will renew my hope. May we have the eyes to see the Light beyond the clouds and be a vessel to shine it onto others.

Slumber party.

2010-09-04T09:05:00.000-04:00

It's happened before.

Babies left at the foot of our doorsteps and our hearts. Innocent lives that have been abandoned and left helplessly in the balance.

We've witnessed the miracles in Hannah, Jeremiah, Job, Smider, Angeline and now... Pierre.

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from Sarah, you may remember me referring to her as 'Cheri' in past posts. Sarah works at the clinic coordinating weekly medical teams and everything else in between. She is so wonderful and you need to check out her blog here.

Sarah informed me about a little boy about 2 years old who had been abandoned by his mother at the clinic. He was seen for a case of muscular dysfunction that day, and was found by the benches in the clinic waiting area afterwards without a parent.

Thus began a small team of medics from our mission searching out Port-au-Prince hospitals for available room or treatment for the little guy. Nothing was currently available for Pierre, so he was taken to the Mayor's office in Cabaret for a decision to be made about what to do. Mr. Marc was contacted by our staff and our hopes were fulfilled by 10pm when Sarah and Lindsay returned with the baby in their arms.

Within minutes, the girls and I transformed the Friday Night Lights theatre into a baby haven. Out with the coffee table and in with the double mattress. Out with the decorative pillows and in with the bed sheets and diapers. Out with the school books and laundry piles stacked on the kitchen table and in with the Pedialyte and bottles.

Pierre slept between Sarah and I peacefully under our softest towel last night. He awoke twice, once for a bottle and once for a diaper change. Sarah and I did our best to keep him snuggled. It was quite a memorable slumber party. This morning, we fed him mashed banana and applesauce and managed to get a few toothy smiles out of him. We don't know what will transpire in the days to come, but we do believe that the Lord has a plan for this little life.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,
I am still with you.

Psalm 139:13-18

Thank you for your prayers for baby Pierre, for the family that is undoubtedly broken, and for us who get to sleep by his side and wait for what happens next.

Hold hands as you cross the... waterfall?

2010-09-02T09:35:00.006-04:00

You may remember me mentioning in my last post about still waiting for my chance to experience the Sodo waterfall... Check!

Yesterday afternoon, I tagged along with the film crew on their afternoon adventure and it was fantastic! We tread our way up through Oranje and Turpin to the landmark high above the mission. Xavier (our Haitian driver) steered us up gravel turnpikes and through rivers as we climbed and took in the beauty of the lush mountain land. There's something about the higher you go in Haiti, the more you realize the beauty of the nation. Seeing the farm fields on the sides of the mountains, vibrant blossoming trees, the shimmering sea far below, and people going to and from their villages with wide grins and waves as you zoom past. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in life behind the mission gates, but yesterday's trek was an instant cure.

Upon our arrival in Sodo, we took sidewalk stairs down to where the rapids flowed and cool water droplets kissed our skin. I can't even express the refreshment after sweating many layers in the classroom all morning. I was so eager to get into the water, but I was warned that the rocks were slippery and to proceed cautiously in my rubber flip flops.

Before I knew it, 3 Haitians were at my side. 2 older men held my arms and a little boy stood in front of me showing me which rocks were safe or unsafe to step on. Now me being slightly uncoordinated (okay, really uncoordinated), I tried to be appreciative and accepting of their kindness, but a lingering thought began to enter my mind. The more we climbed, I became less worried that I would slip without someone to catch me versus taking down the whole crew of helpers (this would not be unusual knowing my history).

Here's why: When I would put out my hands to balance they would grab my arms and urge me in the forward direction which only lessened my thread of stability. The difficulty increased as we ascended toward the waterfall and the water surging around our feet grew more powerful, not to mention the thick mist spraying into my eyes and making it nearly impossible to see. Still my trusty friends stayed by my side.

As the rocks grew few and father between and the water current intensified, the risk of me pulling down my friends grew ever greater and I decided the best option would be for me to get down on all fours - which is what I did. In broken Creole I thanked them for their assistance and pressed on alone. Luckily, they let me go. I think they were just as aware of our risk of tumbling and being taken downstream as I was, although they did a good job of not letting on.

I pressed on after my more competent friends who were already in the heart of the surge and sat in the whirlpool of water blowing and spraying and pouring down everywhere. It was deafening and stinging and exhilarating. Here's a shot of one of the waterfalls. Isn't it glorious?

I didn't want to leave... until I started shivering (much to unpopular belief - yes, shivering CAN happen in Haiti).

After sufficient filming and picture snapping, we returned to the truck waterlogged and chilled to the bone. I actually had to ask Xavier to turn down the AC on our drive back to the mission.

It was a great time... One that I will continue to reminisce about in the days ahead when cloud cover is non-existent and the cement walls of my house begin to radiate heat on the inside.

In the meantime, it's back to the books... Science texts and curriculum documents along with the new lineup of novel study chapters are calling my name. Today I swept up 2 months worth of dust, dead insects and droppings of lizards, mice and I'd rather not know what else from the classroom floor. So far there have been no snake sightings, although I did have to whisk out a small tarantula with my broom. My students come to visit me from time to time. I dare say that I sense a hint of anticipation for school to start?

Stay tuned for more adventures to come!

Coming in for a landing...

2010-08-30T21:51:00.000-04:00

It's day 4 in Haiti.

In my mind I am still landing into a foreign place. In my heart, I never left.

Let me tell you what I've been up to thus far. Deep breath, and here we go.

My flight arrived in Port-au-Prince on Thursday afternoon. Laurens and Leeann picked me up from the airport, and I ventured back while making spontaneous, out-loud observations of what was out my window... and thus began:

- A sweaty evening of hugs and reunions

- Staff meeting at the office (I am so blessed to work with these people)

- Trek to see my mountain family (What a sweet reunion!)

- Late lunch at Gwopapapou

- Visit to the Hope House

- Meteorological update from Cheri (Earl's a-comin'!)

- Trip with the film crew to the city - consisting of Boutilie (highest lookout point in PAP), lunch complete with chocolate milkshake, entering the now open-air Catholic cathedral, the metal works shops in Croix-de-Bouquet, the tent city to visit our amputee friends, and a sunset drive home.

- Guacamole goodness

- Commencement of Friday Night Lights season 4 (Texas forever)

- Church worship (Fidel, se konsa w rele!)

- Kids church organized chaos

- Gwopapapou trip #2

- Moto ride in a dress

- Skype with newly engaged VICKI! Congrats Donald!

- Mountain trek #2

- Caught in a hurricane on the way back to SourceMatelas (Hello Earl! *okay it wasn't a full-fledged hurricane, but it might as well have been with the amount of water coming down).

- Guacamole party

- More season 4

- Goodbye to Sadrac and Wicky (they are the brothers I 'adopted' in Haiti and now are heading to school in the Dominican Republic)

- Jam time with Jean Marc on his BIRTHDAY!

- Reunions have continued with the Haitian population including: Volcy, Erta, Vena, Patrick, Jean Ronald, Patris, Nahomie, Jonny, Poppy Patris, Zo, Mamon, Mommy Lucienne, Mimose, Manna, Samuel and on and on.

Today I finally got around to unpacking my bags. Yes, with the de-cluttering and continual flow of visitors (including 4 of my 6 students... it's going to be a great year!) it was an all-day activity.

Tomorrow my goal is to make it to the classroom. Somewhere in the mix I also hope to eat a mango and go to the waterfall in Sodo.

I am so thankful for these beginning days. The memories of these cherished moments will last long into the days ahead. It's been the spark to start a year of possibility and I am excited and hopeful for all that awaits in the weeks and months to come. In the same way, I know that big challenges also lie ahead. Moments where I ask questions and begin to doubt why on earth I am living on this island. Times when weaknesses are revealed and refining hurts. A lot.

I want to keep believing that just as He was with me in the upstairs bunkroom of the guesthouse 2 years ago, so He is here with me on my red velvet couch filled with wonderful people. May He continue to work in me in the year to come through the valleys and the mountain peaks. Thank you for your continual support as I embark on yet another journey.

God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. ~ Ephesians 3:20 (The Message)

Teachable.

2010-08-22T13:03:00.001-04:00

It's that time again! It seems like every other store and commercial is revolving around the season of back to school. New clothes, haircuts, backpacks, locker decor and whatever you can stuff in a pencil case.

In a very short time I will be standing in front of a blackboard, grading written assignments, explaining mathematic formulas, and racking my brain on how to make the European settlers fun to learn about... because I'm the 'teacher', right?

But recently I've been thinking about teaching a little differently.

There is 'teaching' in a school, conference, or business-style context, like what I was describing above - the classic lecture all the way to a one-on-one hands on experiment. But teaching isn't just about being in a classroom or gaining new knowledge about a certain topic, it's engrained in us as a way to grow in who we are as individuals. Teaching is happening everywhere all around us and we just fail to acknowledge it. Trial and erroring, talking out loud, discovering something new, linking together connections. In a very informal way, we are being taught and are teachers to others every minute of every day.

This week I made a list of people in my life who have had a big impact on who I am today, and who I am becoming. There is but one commonality in all of them and it is this - They have taught me at least one big life lesson.

I think the people that have the most significance in our lives are also our greatest teachers. Not the 'stand in front of the blackboard' kind of teachers. The 'sit across from you in a coffee shop' teachers. The ones who dial into my struggles and echo understanding and encouragement. The ones who's characters inspire me and cause me to exemplify their outlook or attitude. The ones that demonstrate patience and see through my stubbornness.

I want to be that kind of teacher.

But more than just being a good teacher, the question I am beginning to ask myself is, how teachable am I?

When I first moved to Haiti, I approached the people I met with the mentality that I had all of the answers. My Canadian citizenship and skin colour plopped me into a category where I could easily float along and assume that I knew it all. But the longer I've been in Haiti and the more I assess my know-it-all ideologies, the more I realize how far off the mark I am.

I want to be more deliberate this year about being teachable. Our world is full of people, culture, choices, opportunity, relationships, and emotions. And more and more I realize that by opening ourselves up to gain a new perspective, even the most unlikely people can sometimes change who we are for the better.

I think sometimes I forget that I am still learning. I give the diploma hanging on my wall permission to grant satisfaction. It's a dangerous trap. I never want my job title to exempt me from being open to a new approach or attitude. More than ever, I want to keep learning and growing, sharpening my mind and softening my heart to being better one day at a time.

To all of the gracious teachers in my life - you know who you are - thank you for the big and small ways you have journeyed with me to get where I am. And to the greatest Teacher of all, thank you for carrying me through the valleys, and waiting with me through the storm, and faithfully believing in me when I lost all hope in myself. I am chasing after You.

Preske.

2010-08-10T16:17:00.003-04:00

Translation: Almost.

Context: Haiti departure.

We are narrowing down on 2 weeks to go... As I scramble from dentist appointment to coffee date to sidewalk sale to campfire I am continually reminded of the wonderful summer it has been. Despite the flurry of activity, it has been so great to sleep past 8am, curve down some of my favourite winding side roads, and drink in the familiarity of friends and places in this land that I love.

School books lie dormant at the foot of my bed while frying pans, hand-me-downs, embroidery floss and mosquito nets accumulate in an ever-consuming corner in the basement.

My shopping list is gradually dwindling down to last minute necessities - nothing that a few Walmart trips can't fix. A toilet brush, flip flops (mostly for killing cockroaches) and guitar picks are right up there at the top with the long-awaited 4th season of Friday Night Lights... I am pretty confident that a large portion of MOH staff would disown me if I didn't bring that back.

On the flip side, my heart is beating at a quicker pace with the reminder that my 'other' life is awaiting on the horizon. In a month's time our school year will be humming, the bottoms of my feet will be permanently dust covered, mangoes will be a daily food group, and my leg muscles will be back in shape from mountain treks.

The short but sweet communication that's been kept with those still in Haiti gear me up for so much to come in the year ahead. Excitement, fear, joy, heartbreak and anticipation mesh into one of those emotions only the butterflies in your stomach can describe. Time is ticking and this time I actually don't mind. Minus the goodbye... I've never been good at those.

I am determined to make the most of these 'preske' days, and I want thank each one of you for the love and open arms you've shown me in my comings and goings. God bless you all! Looking forward to a year of possibility and change as I press on and embrace all that is to come... especially hope.

Outside looking in.

2010-07-30T14:10:00.001-04:00

I just stumbled upon this documentary.

It is an accurate account of some of the current struggles that the Haitian people are facing.

Be warned, the tone of this report is very somber. If the earthquake wasn't enough, people are still living in the same (if not worse) despair, fear and oppression as the days following January 12th.

This video prompts me to ask the same questions I asked after the earthquake.

Where is the hope for this country?

When will these people ever see healing?

Will the pain ever relent?

Where are you God?

The book of Joel has laid open on the table in my kitchen for a while now. A few days ago I read chapter 2 during my breakfast and those words hang deep in my heart with precious lives from a country that has become home. It's very hard for me being on the 'outside looking in'. Knowing the desperate state of so many, and now understanding further the conditions of so many others while currently being in a place of so much peace and abundance. It's like standing in the sunshine while looking through the glass into the heart of a terrible storm on the other side. My heart is so restless.

'Even now' declares the Lord, 'return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.' - Joel 2:12-13

Hearts are breaking.

Rending to the despair that grips such a helpless nation.

The confusion, the abuse, the terror, the insecurity... It's so easy to drown in doubt.

And yet the Lord promises in His word to return. He promises to respond in love, mercy and compassion. To bring healing and new life and rejoicing.

In the world's eyes, it's a hopeless situation. A lost battle.

The fight for rights. The lack of accountability over the UN. The political struggle. The imbalance of wealth. The rubble that still exists on every street corner.

But we have hope to believe in the Lord's promises. In the lyrics written by Claudel Senat (the worship pastor at the Church of Hope) following the earthquake:

God has the solution for us, with two hands open He waits to restore us.

This is certainly not a 'band-aid' remedy. How I wish I could snap my finger and give parents to the orphans or give a home to the family living under a bed sheet. But sometimes there is more to be learned by walking by faith and trusting in the Lord's provision one life at a time.

I must not be downcast or be quick to anger. I must choose to believe in the Lord's faithfulness. There is no other hope.

I need to remember the beautiful women raising their voices in praise after receiving new prosthetic legs. I need to remember how the Lord spared the lives of my friends who were amongst the crashing buildings. I need to remember the overflow of people in church on Sunday mornings, and the hundreds who have surrendered their lives to the truth of Jesus.

I won't deny the battle, but I must keep my eyes fixed on the character of God and the love He has for His children, the way He gently weaves beautiful stories of hope.

Just as the shadow proves the sunshine, so these days of darkness reveal stories of hope and restoration. May it be real to those who need it most today.

Oh Canada!

2010-07-27T14:44:00.001-04:00

Oh Canada, my home and native land! What a wonderful July it has been.

Here's a taste from my summer recipe:

1) Blend road trip to Ottawa, outdoor concerts, patio pizza and red tag sales until smooth.

2) Stir in green backyards, curvy roads in a 6 speed, and decadent cookies with real milk to the sound of an ace of base cassette.

3) Add a wedding, and an extra helping of tight hugs and reunions.

4) Finish by mixing in some intense ping pong rallies, a swimming pool and extended suppertimes with a high pressure shower.

5) Garnish with fresh-picked raspberries and a jet-stream sunset.

Question.

2010-07-20T09:37:00.001-04:00

Q: How do you condense 6 months of life in Haiti - struggles, adventures, tragedies, celebrations, and over 1000 pictures and movies into a 25 minute presentation?

A: Unfortunately I don't yet have an answer to this question, but ready or not, you'll find out at Wainfleet BIC Church on Sunday morning (July 25).

All are welcome!